I'm curios, as you seem to have had different types of therapy... Could you tell me (us?) a little bit more about it? I'm intrested not so much in the theoretical part, which I have explored rather extensivley, as I am in the "feeling"/processing it part. Of course, you don't have to if you don't want to, I just feel that other people's experiences could be helpful.
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- Post starter Crusoe
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- #14
Sure Nyx. I started with a Rape Crisis counsellor but due to lack of funding they were only able to offer 12 sessions. after that I was referred through the NHS for Counselling. They took 8 months to get me an appointment and that was considered to be quite a short wait because I was referred as an URGENT case!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate to think how long it takes to get referred if you aren't classed as urgent. Between the rape crisis counselling and the NHS "counsellling" work offered me six sessions with a counsellor through occupational health. I told her the COMPLETE story and she went with me to the police to report it.
Then the appointment for the NHS "counselling" arrived but they didn't have a dedicated counsellor unless I wanted to see a man (which I had a problem with at the time) so I got a Community Psychiatric Nurse who was also starting to move into the counselling side of things. The way she had been trained was to deal with the present and the future and not to talk about the past. I felt banned from talking about the past so seeing her did me a lot more harm than good but I kept going in the hope that I would be referred to get more specialist help as she could only offer 8 sessions. She did do some EMI (eye movement initialisation) which did work well but didn't deal with the underlying issues. After those 8 sessions she didn't think I needed further support as I was not suicidal. Great. Anyway I won't dwell on the NHS services because I'll be ranting all day lol.
I then went to see a counsellor through a charity about an hour away on a Saturday which I passed off to friends and family as shopping. They did not have offices so we had to meet at the pub in the train station and have our session there so we couldn't really talk about the serious issues. She was lovely and was somewhat trained in counselling but not a trained counsellor. It felt more like a befriending service but didn't work out long term because of the distance and because I couldn't really talk about what I needed to in as much depth as I needed to.
About 8 months after that I started to go to a counsellor through a charity that deals with sexual abuse (I had been on the waiting list for about a year and a half I think - high demand for their services) but it was an hour's drive away so after work I had to drive an hour, spend an hour in counselling and then drive an hour back home and hope that I could justify it by telling my hubby that I was just working late. She was a brilliant counsellor and we worked really hard. I got pregnant and towards the end of my pregnancy we left it that I could go back to see her once I had some sort of childcare. I didn't go back because I didn't want my mother in law asking me why I needed childcare.
I then got very low and found a private counsellor locally. I was prepared to pay, especially considering it would probably be cheaper than the travel costs I was having to fork out to go to my previous counsellor's an hour away. When I called she said she also worked for a charity who counselled those who had been through sexual abuse so it ended up being free!!! They also suggested that if I couldn't find childcare I could bring my daughter (who was 6 months at the time). Obviously we couldn't go into anything too deep with my daughter there so I asked my mother in law to look after her and said I was going to the gym. I thought better to lie than not get the counselling I need. I am still with this brilliant charity but with another counsellor. Unfortunately when I went back to work after maternity leave my counsellor couldn't see me after work. I now have another great counsellor there who is doing some fantastic work with me and who has suggested I see the EMDR lady.
As for exposure therapy, it isn't qualified help that I have had with this. I did it myself. I have forced myself to face my triggers over and over again and gradually the effects of the triggers have all but gone. I don't get flashbacks any more !!!!! I never thought that getting to that point would be possible but exposure to my triggers has helped me get to that point. One of my triggers was music - not just certain songs but ALL music. Sad songs triggered me as did happy ones and those songs that were on at the time of my attack were even more triggering. I can now listen to ALL music!!! Again, something I never thought possible. Music isn't something you can avoid so I forced myself to listen to music in my car and although it was triggering and heartbreaking it now has very little effect on me. I must admit there are still a couple of pieces that I find hard but I refuse to turn them off in the hope that one day I will be ok listening to them too :)
Well, I've gone on enough now lol. Bet you wish you had never asked hehehehehe.:D
Then the appointment for the NHS "counselling" arrived but they didn't have a dedicated counsellor unless I wanted to see a man (which I had a problem with at the time) so I got a Community Psychiatric Nurse who was also starting to move into the counselling side of things. The way she had been trained was to deal with the present and the future and not to talk about the past. I felt banned from talking about the past so seeing her did me a lot more harm than good but I kept going in the hope that I would be referred to get more specialist help as she could only offer 8 sessions. She did do some EMI (eye movement initialisation) which did work well but didn't deal with the underlying issues. After those 8 sessions she didn't think I needed further support as I was not suicidal. Great. Anyway I won't dwell on the NHS services because I'll be ranting all day lol.
I then went to see a counsellor through a charity about an hour away on a Saturday which I passed off to friends and family as shopping. They did not have offices so we had to meet at the pub in the train station and have our session there so we couldn't really talk about the serious issues. She was lovely and was somewhat trained in counselling but not a trained counsellor. It felt more like a befriending service but didn't work out long term because of the distance and because I couldn't really talk about what I needed to in as much depth as I needed to.
About 8 months after that I started to go to a counsellor through a charity that deals with sexual abuse (I had been on the waiting list for about a year and a half I think - high demand for their services) but it was an hour's drive away so after work I had to drive an hour, spend an hour in counselling and then drive an hour back home and hope that I could justify it by telling my hubby that I was just working late. She was a brilliant counsellor and we worked really hard. I got pregnant and towards the end of my pregnancy we left it that I could go back to see her once I had some sort of childcare. I didn't go back because I didn't want my mother in law asking me why I needed childcare.
I then got very low and found a private counsellor locally. I was prepared to pay, especially considering it would probably be cheaper than the travel costs I was having to fork out to go to my previous counsellor's an hour away. When I called she said she also worked for a charity who counselled those who had been through sexual abuse so it ended up being free!!! They also suggested that if I couldn't find childcare I could bring my daughter (who was 6 months at the time). Obviously we couldn't go into anything too deep with my daughter there so I asked my mother in law to look after her and said I was going to the gym. I thought better to lie than not get the counselling I need. I am still with this brilliant charity but with another counsellor. Unfortunately when I went back to work after maternity leave my counsellor couldn't see me after work. I now have another great counsellor there who is doing some fantastic work with me and who has suggested I see the EMDR lady.
As for exposure therapy, it isn't qualified help that I have had with this. I did it myself. I have forced myself to face my triggers over and over again and gradually the effects of the triggers have all but gone. I don't get flashbacks any more !!!!! I never thought that getting to that point would be possible but exposure to my triggers has helped me get to that point. One of my triggers was music - not just certain songs but ALL music. Sad songs triggered me as did happy ones and those songs that were on at the time of my attack were even more triggering. I can now listen to ALL music!!! Again, something I never thought possible. Music isn't something you can avoid so I forced myself to listen to music in my car and although it was triggering and heartbreaking it now has very little effect on me. I must admit there are still a couple of pieces that I find hard but I refuse to turn them off in the hope that one day I will be ok listening to them too :)
Well, I've gone on enough now lol. Bet you wish you had never asked hehehehehe.:D
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- #16
anthony
Founder
Just expect fallout Crusoe... and don't over anticipate any outcome. Regardless what works for any person, getting through the trauma is going to incite fallout, being part of it, but then things get better quite quickly, symptoms fall away... and you can concentrate on more exposure therapy of getting back into life, hitting triggers hard so they are no more, etc...
Very proud you are pushing yourself and seeking EMDR to help yourself. Well done.
Very proud you are pushing yourself and seeking EMDR to help yourself. Well done.
- Post starter
- #17
Ok I'm truly crapping it now despite the fact that this is just an assessment season and I won't actually be starting the EMDR today. I'm going though. I ain't missing out on this even if it is partly because I push myself to do things that I don't like because I like making life hard for myself as a kind of punishment. Hmmmm. Don't think I've ever confessed that I do that to anyone before. Eeeeek.
cherryblossom
VIP Member
I totally relate to what you saying about punishment, and had a very similar conversation with my therapist about this last week. I won't go into the details, because it's not important. But she said to me that I had already suffered, there was no reason to make my therapy harder than it should be.
I know you well enough to know that you will go to this assessment, and also that you will find a way to get to the EMDR sessions, for however long it takes. Don't punish yourself, but DO challenge yourself to make the best of the situation you are in. I know you will :). I just hope you've got me on your 'sock buddy' list, because I'm behind you 100%, and cheering you on ...... even if it is a bit stinky in this old sock!! :D
I know you well enough to know that you will go to this assessment, and also that you will find a way to get to the EMDR sessions, for however long it takes. Don't punish yourself, but DO challenge yourself to make the best of the situation you are in. I know you will :). I just hope you've got me on your 'sock buddy' list, because I'm behind you 100%, and cheering you on ...... even if it is a bit stinky in this old sock!! :D
- Post starter
- #19
You knew I'd go and I did :D and now I feel much more at ease with the idea of EMDR. Basically I am in control so if
I feel that it is too distressing I can tell her to stop / pause so it shouldn't get too distressing for baby. I even told her that I wasn't good at telling people when things are too much for me so she is going to keep checking with me that I'm ok. I'm still unsure as to whether I will be honest or whether I will punish myself by making things hard for myself. We will see. I will discuss this with my counsellor on Friday to see if she can help me help myself more in that respect.
Your T is totally right CB, we HAVE been through more than enough suffering so we shouldn't continue to punish ourselves but for me at least I always feel I'm special...the exception to the rule. It's like I know the theory but in reality I just think that I deserve to put myself through these hardships. I should be strong enough to handle anything that is thrown at me and be superhuman even when it is something that is bad for me. Total b*oll*cks I know but it's how I feel.:confused:
Thanks for being on my sock buddy list :) I will have you know that it isn't my socks or feet that stink because I even had a shower and used deodorant today - cheese flavoured deodorant mind you hehehehehe.
I feel that it is too distressing I can tell her to stop / pause so it shouldn't get too distressing for baby. I even told her that I wasn't good at telling people when things are too much for me so she is going to keep checking with me that I'm ok. I'm still unsure as to whether I will be honest or whether I will punish myself by making things hard for myself. We will see. I will discuss this with my counsellor on Friday to see if she can help me help myself more in that respect.
Your T is totally right CB, we HAVE been through more than enough suffering so we shouldn't continue to punish ourselves but for me at least I always feel I'm special...the exception to the rule. It's like I know the theory but in reality I just think that I deserve to put myself through these hardships. I should be strong enough to handle anything that is thrown at me and be superhuman even when it is something that is bad for me. Total b*oll*cks I know but it's how I feel.:confused:
Thanks for being on my sock buddy list :) I will have you know that it isn't my socks or feet that stink because I even had a shower and used deodorant today - cheese flavoured deodorant mind you hehehehehe.
WonderingWhy
Diamond Member
Crusoe,
I hope you have me on your list too. I prefer being a "pocket" or "purse" buddy. For you though I guess I can deal with it, if it's a "sock" buddy!;)
I have to tell you, I was trying to be positive before I tried your "pocket Buddy" sugestion, but I know deep down I really didn't have much faith in it.:oops: Sorry just being honest. When it worked I was surprised, relieved and then curious as to why!:confused: I think it was fairly simple once I pondered it.
I believe the fact that it is something that actually has a physical presence AND represents supportive people. I think as you are feeling it, it has a real presence and you can "feel" the support. Not sure if that makes sense but in my mind I feel like I know why it works.
I also noticed that something I normally to is kind of mess with my hands and fingers when I get nervous. Each time I started to do that I stopped and "squished" my pocket buddy. It was much more calming than torturing my poor hands and fingers!:D
I actually never really noticed myself doing it before, however that I am pretty sure why some of my fingers and spots on my hands are VERY tender almost like a bruise!:rolleyes:
Well I just have to say again how thankful I am that you shared that suggestion.:)
Now if I can just start sleeping!!!! It's 6:01am!!!!:eek: I have not been to sleep yet!!!
- Post starter
- #21
Cool thank you very much. I might have a sock buddy list and a pocket buddy list just to save you from the whiffs lol. Don't tell CB though because she will want to swap lists hehehehehe.
I totally agree with you about the not really believing it until you actually tried it. I was exactly the same. I thought "what an airy fairy idea it'll never work but ti can't actually hurt to try it so I will". What a shock I got when it did work :D.
I am the same with my hands. I clasp them firmly together and end up with white marks where there's been lots of pressure from my fingers. I also once scratched my hand raw with nerves. No bruises though. Maybe it IS a good idea to have a hand buddy or pocket buddy so that I don't do this because even in counselling my hands are extremely tense. Thanks for the suggestion.
There's no need to thank me by the way. You can thank the survivor who told me about the idea :D. Of course I'm sure she will just say "You can thank the survivor who told me about the idea" too lol. Feels good that we're all helping each other eh.
I do hope that you managed to get some sleep in today
x
I totally agree with you about the not really believing it until you actually tried it. I was exactly the same. I thought "what an airy fairy idea it'll never work but ti can't actually hurt to try it so I will". What a shock I got when it did work :D.
I am the same with my hands. I clasp them firmly together and end up with white marks where there's been lots of pressure from my fingers. I also once scratched my hand raw with nerves. No bruises though. Maybe it IS a good idea to have a hand buddy or pocket buddy so that I don't do this because even in counselling my hands are extremely tense. Thanks for the suggestion.
There's no need to thank me by the way. You can thank the survivor who told me about the idea :D. Of course I'm sure she will just say "You can thank the survivor who told me about the idea" too lol. Feels good that we're all helping each other eh.
I do hope that you managed to get some sleep in today
x
Lucycat
Sponsor
Hi Crusoe. I was saddened and disappointed with your experiences of the NHS. It makes me realise just how lucky I am! I see a (NHS) CPN who is also a trained EMDR therapist. So I have the best of both worlds. Sometimes it is just talking and sometimes it is EMDR. In the beginning he would tell me what he was planning for the next session but now it is a matter of whatever happens to come up.
When I first made a cry for help, I saw the CPN within a week, and that was during the Christmas Holiday period. Since then I have seen him every week or 2, with phone calls and text messages in between. I found that particularly helpful when he had holiday immediately before I went on holiday and there would have been a prolonged period with no appointment. A text or 2 while I was away was very reassuring.
Additionally, all of my appointments are at home! Mostly they are after I have finished work, but occasionally if I have a day off, it will be during the day. I am not fortunate enough to have children - so no childcare issues- and my husband will make himself scarce during my sessions, either spending time in another room or going out to be with friends.
As I said before, I know I am very lucky, and just wish the service I have received was available to all. My abuser also abused a number of other girls and we are all in contact. We are scattered across the UK and none of them has had the level of support I have received.
Please do keep posting with how the EMDR progresses for you. As the others have said, I find I am shattered a day or two later, but have generally found it a very worthwhile experience!
When I first made a cry for help, I saw the CPN within a week, and that was during the Christmas Holiday period. Since then I have seen him every week or 2, with phone calls and text messages in between. I found that particularly helpful when he had holiday immediately before I went on holiday and there would have been a prolonged period with no appointment. A text or 2 while I was away was very reassuring.
Additionally, all of my appointments are at home! Mostly they are after I have finished work, but occasionally if I have a day off, it will be during the day. I am not fortunate enough to have children - so no childcare issues- and my husband will make himself scarce during my sessions, either spending time in another room or going out to be with friends.
As I said before, I know I am very lucky, and just wish the service I have received was available to all. My abuser also abused a number of other girls and we are all in contact. We are scattered across the UK and none of them has had the level of support I have received.
Please do keep posting with how the EMDR progresses for you. As the others have said, I find I am shattered a day or two later, but have generally found it a very worthwhile experience!
cherryblossom
VIP Member
Crusoe, I'm pretty sure you already know this, so don't be alarmed.
Brucielucy, I had the most dreadful EMDR experience on the NHS. My therapist was a complete bitch from hell. Excuse the language. I've also had other 'nightmare' NHS scenarios. And that's not just me knocking the NHS, because I work for them. It really does seem to depend where you live. It just goes to show that the 'post code lottery' isn't just a fantasy scenario made up by tabloid newspapers! I'm really pleased to hear that you have had good NHS experience, and more importantly, have got the support you need.
Brucielucy, I had the most dreadful EMDR experience on the NHS. My therapist was a complete bitch from hell. Excuse the language. I've also had other 'nightmare' NHS scenarios. And that's not just me knocking the NHS, because I work for them. It really does seem to depend where you live. It just goes to show that the 'post code lottery' isn't just a fantasy scenario made up by tabloid newspapers! I'm really pleased to hear that you have had good NHS experience, and more importantly, have got the support you need.
WonderingWhy
Diamond Member
Oh. Maybe an hour if that of sleep!:(
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