Starting To Build More Walls

[Lady of Longbourn]

I have been putting up more and more walls in therapy lately. it wasn't like that before. Of course I had to start trusting my T, then it was getting better. I was talking, and crying. Now...I'm getting more and more closed up with each session.

I don't like it.

What do you do when you start building walls? What can I tell myself so I will calm down?

 

[Artista]

Are you going over new ground and staying closed up? Or are you finding you are more hardened to the things you say?

 

[anthony]

The problem is not telling yourself anything, the problem is that you built the walls for a reason... identify the reason and treat the cause instead of trying to find solutions around an immovable object (cause). Then the walls will come back down.

You get to choose how much you help yourself by how much truth and information you provide to your therapist. If you're building walls, then you may as well stop going, because your just wasting your money.

Treat the cause... stop trying to find paths around the problems. Identify the issue and key emotions. Understand them. Look for resolutions... then action the resolutions.

You have build walls, which you identify, but you haven't listed why. Then you want to avoid the why and try and go around it. Doesn't work like that.

 

[seedling]

I'm running into something like this in therapy. I'm getting into some deeper stuff and am thinking that I'm resistant and putting up defenses. I'm sure I've done things like this the whole time, how could someone not, but this is stronger.

What I'm going to do is tell my T and let him know that I realize I'm doing this. I'm sure he sees it, he's done this for years with PTSD sufferers. I scheduled an appt for this week instead of waiting another week. Part of me is hating to go and part of me can't wait to get this resolved.

Work it out in therapy as best you can, you've already acknowledged here that you know it's happening. Address it, it's part of the deal.
You can get past it and find out what is going on.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Issue---Going to college.
Problem---people (crowds, judgment, everyone one knows I'm off) . triggers. failing. finding I am stupid
Key emotions---scared, worried...flashbacks of me as a child in school. (oh,god...drugged up, neglected, made fun of, treated like I was unintelligent)
Solution---go to school. T is right. I'm feel better about myself, realize i can do something with my life. Life is different now. More stable.

Cool. I should do more of those. I'll think of more. Or elaborate on this one.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I start thinking things like " if I never speak again I can't hurt anyone..." "if I'm silent..."

Its becoming a theme in my art. Can't keep doing that.

 

[anthony]

Go read unhelpful thinking styles, and you will immediately see how unhelpful you are being to yourself by thinking for others with thoughts such as "If I never speak again I can't hurt anyone". That is thinking for others.

 

[anthony]

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/behavioural-aspects/41-unhelpful-thinking-styles.html[/DLMURL]

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Oh HELL...parts of that ARE me.

However...I'm stubborn as hell. I wont give up that fast. Not this time.

 

[anthony]

We all have parts of that... and its about changing into positive thinking patterns which change our behaviour.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Life would be better with more positive thinking. Marriage, self-esstem, goals.

 

[Iam]

Ayesah, I am doing CBT as part of my therapy. I write down my thoughts, Identify the errors in them then subsitute a true more rational thought. It is a lot of work but I am finding that it is helping. i.e.
"I'm stupid." That is labeling and all or nothing thinking. I am not stupid. I do stupid things sometimes, but, in fact, I am quite intelligent. "It is selfish to take care of my needs." Over generalizing. It is not selfish to take care of myself. I have to take care of myself. I deserve it and no-one can do it better.

The link Anthony provided has all the errors in thinking. There is a book called "Feeling Good" by David Burns that explains CBT and has lots of exercises in it that help to cement positive thinking in your brain. I got it for $2.99 on amazon.com

My trauma T has said the "critical" part of me is very resistant and throwing up walls. We talk about them and she works very hard at helping me form more rational responses. Thing is....you have to believe the rational response and that can be very hard, at least for me.