Childhood Starting Treatment For Ptsd

[ex123]

Hi,
alright, I am completely new to all of this, and freaking out. I am 19, my first 6 years of my life i lived in Russia and was adopted to America. Out of that I obviously had trauma, but my adoptive parents said I wasn't "mature " enough to handle it. Senior year of high school, I had awful depression, and didn't ever want to do anything than sleep. Freshman year of college (where i am now) I started seeing a University therapist, and he brought up my childhood, and I realized I could barley talk about it without being so nervous, and when I left his office, I left so quickly. Anywho, next app. he said he thinks I have PTSD with dis associative features (BTW what does dis associative features mean?) So he called my parents, and now I'm going to start meeting with a therapist in the community who can see me long term. Now that I look back it sorta makes sense, 24/7 I think about my childhood, it is sort of like a ghost that follows me, and I always feel disconnected from everyone, also recently its weird but its sort of like I can see myself outside my body, like I don't feel like I'm really in the present. So I guess I'm on this forum to get advice, or explanation on how therapy will look like, and stuff. Thanks!

 

[PointlessExistence]

Was it condescending when your parents said you weren't mature enough to handle it? When I read that, I saw it as a negative, yet the rest of your post, and the fact that your avatar is you and (I'm assuming) they, makes me think otherwise. Exactly what did they mean by that?

(I have looked up disassociation a handful of times over the last few months and never can relate to it, so I can't answer that.)

 

[AlohaDreaming]

Hi K!
You actually answered your own question, disassociative is where you aren't fully present, you're separating yourself from the situation or life. It's being detached. I can somewhat identify with your situation. I was adopted, but it was in the United States. This is a great forum, with a lot of loving and amazing people here.

I found this great blog, Laura Denis (It won't let me post her link on the site, do a search for her about Adoption and PTSD.) It talks about adoption PTSD. You may or may not identify with any of it, but research is a good way. Even reading this forum is a great way of seeing yourself in someone else's shoes. I know by being here, reading and observing, I realize that I had commonalities as a lot of other people with PTSD.

There are a lot of different types of therapy, and the best advise I can give you is this: Therapists are a bit like shoes, you need to find one that fits your situation best. That makes you feel comfortable, because this is a person you'll develop a relationship with, be it professionally, that you'll talk to regarding a lot of things that are really painful. You have to know you can be totally and 100% honest with them, and that's hard for someone with PTSD, because the trauma causes trust issues. So if you don't feel the therapy with one doctor is quite right, consider another one.

Keep asking questions and join chat. People are always happy to answer things you need to know.

Nine <3

 

[Poofycat]

Welcome to the forum! It's so great that you're getting help. I have a dissociative order as well. There's tons of great info in the Flashback and Dissociation section of the forum so I suggest you look there. The disconnected from others, feeling like you're outside your body, and not being able to vocalize sometimes are all common symptoms.

 

[ex123]

Was it condescending when your parents said you weren't mature enough to handle it? When I r...

Hi,
Yeah, I took it negatively, just because if I could have dealt with this years ago, I could've have saved a lot of stress I feel like.

 

[WillyKat]

Welcome to the forum.

Dissociation is a perfectly natural survival mechanism. When we're under attack or traumatized, there are generally three options: fight, run away, or freeze up (dissociate). When you freeze up, you pose less of a threat to your attacker, which gives you a better chance of living and passing on your genes. Many, many species have this ability, and its part of the reason our species and others is still around. It helps us survive.

However, if we don't get to speak of the trauma and don't get love and support, the experience remains in active memory and after a great deal of bullshit, we have PTSD, where we often dissociate again when we're presented with reminders of the trauma. So there is the world's shortest definition of PTSD.

Work with your therapist on this. When you mention feeling like you can see yourself outside your body, that's a bit different from dissociation. I believe that's known as derealization, another term with too many syllables.

Therapy can be many things. Easy, hard, frightening, and sometimes tremendous relief. I always give the same advice which is to think of small, attainable goals. We tend to think of it as getting a cavity filled. It isn't. It will take much longer. Progress may seem stalled, going nowhere, then wham, a big breakthrough.

Congratulations on taking care of yourself. You've begun therapy and you've come here. Two very brave things that bode well for your future.