Feeling much better mentally tonight than I have in weeks. Probably a good time to reflect a bit since I started this thread for dealing with cancer and PTSD.
Having PTSD seems to amplify the effects of the drugs used to treat cancer. Many of us here have experienced cognitive problems. inability to focus. forgetfulness, short term memory issues etc. Chemo drugs also have this effect called "chemo" fog. It makes it difficult for a person to distinguish between what may be drug related, PTSD related, or a combination of both.
Then there are the steroids. For "normal" people, steroids an cause sleeplessness, increase anxiety, irritability, depression, personality changes, hallucinations, etc. For my particular cancer treatment the steroid dexamethasone is an integral part of the treatment. However, it created exacerbated my PTSD symptoms so badly that I had to reduce the dosage and counteract the side effects with other drugs.
This last round of chemo was particularly difficult since it was "double" chemo. Twice the frequency so four rounds were covered in a period covered normally by two rounds. So the chemo fog was worse, the fatigue was worse, and the of course it was double the steroids so all the fun symptoms that exacerbate the PTSD were even worse. Add in all these drugs, the stress of dealing with cancer and it is was a PTSD roller coaster.
One thing I cannot stress enough is how much the tools that I have learned in therapy have helped. Mindfulness has been a lifeline, and the tools I learned in CBT to identify negative thinking patterns and cognitive distortions and how to redirect my thoughts. DBT has helped me process some of the extreme emotional swings, and regulate emotion.
But there have been times between the chemo, the stress, and probably some very normal reactions to having cancer the PTSD has gotten the best of me. My "can do" attitude has its place, but it also makes me want to "handle things" on my own and that has gotten me into some trouble.
My oncologist and psychiatrist have been very good about prescribing medication to help offset the side effects of the drugs and to help me manage the mood swings. It is me that has trouble taking it. Funny I don't have trouble taking my chemo drugs, but give me a psycho pharmaceutical and my compliance drops. I am being compliant now after banging my head on the wall a few times, as I have to accept this is not a personal "failure" but a body full of drugs that are wrecking havoc physically, psychologically and emotionally.
There is a lot of information about how cancer can be a cause of PTS and PTSD, but very little information about people who have PTSD and cancer. I joined a support group for the type of cancer I have, but I find that I have a really hard time relating. First I feel extreme guilt that my chemo didn't make me as "sick" as a lot of people. I also hate to admit that I find the cancer less difficult to deal with than I do the PTSD.
One thing a cancer diagnosis has done is make me want to get this disorder under the best control that I can as fast as I can. If I have limited time, then I want that time to be the best that it can be. Having PTSD wrecking havoc in the present is not acceptable so I am fighting it as hard as I am the cancer.
The type of cancer I have is considered "incurable", but I elected a treatment plan that is about as aggressive as they come. Monday I have my bone marrow biopsy to see if this last round of chemo finished off the last of the cancer so I can be ready for the transplant. The chemo will put me in remission, but the stem cell transplant is the best option I have of staying there for the longest period of time possible.
To bad there is a transplant to replace that part of my brain where everything is all scrambled. But there isn't a quick fix for the PTSD and there isn't a quick fix for this cancer. But they are both connected as some level and I need to put both into remission to live and enjoy the time that I have.
So the battle is on!
