Well, I am hitting what I am calling the "funny looking" stage. My hair is coming out, but in bits and pieces, all 1/4 inch of it. My daughter wanted to pluck some so I would have a smiley face on the back of my head and another daughter wanted to know if she can draw on it when I'm completely bald. They are not right. :)
Problem I am having is with the stupid weather. It got up to 70 the other day and it was way to hot to wear a hat or scarf inside or outside. So I just walked around with my spotty looking head. Not that I look too much different than some of the men I know and I always tease them that at least mine will grow back! :p
It is weird to know when the chemo and steroids are out of your body. I can always tell by my mood. Even though I may not be my best physically, my mental state is so improved. I almost wish I could remind myself that it will pass when the drugs wear off, but I doubt that I would even recognize that fact at some of the worst mental points. Nothing seems to get through on those days.
I have to remember that cancer or any disease is hard on a person mentally, regardless of an individuals mental health. PTSD is exacerbated by the drugs and there isn't a whole lot I can do about it except let them find whatever drugs they can use to offset the effects of the other drugs. Its a bit of a circle. At least I am not being "resistant" to taking medication. I am finding myself being the opposite, give me whatever it takes to get me through this!
Part of this change is that I know when I am feeling well that I do control my symptoms and lead a happy and meaningful life. Keeps me from beating myself up and feeling somehow "deficient". But in all honesty, I have given up trying to figure out what "normal" is in this situation, and just go with what I need to do to feel like me.
I am excited to get this last phase done and get on with life. This is truly my second chance and that is really how I have been living since they told me I had cancer. I've been really trying to "live" and not just "exist". Some days are more successful than others, but really I haven't been this good, well in many, many years.