Still Waiting For Things To Go Wrong

[munkinmama]

I have not had the greatest track record for relationships until now. My First boyfriend was in high school and he cheated on me with a "friend" of mine. Years later I was horrified to find out he was sexually abusing kids when we were dating. I then met my abusive ex husband we were together for 8 years and we had 3 boys who are now 12,14,15.(I have written about him in my trauma diary) I met a man a year after leaving my ex and after being with him for 8 months I learned by accident I discovered he was luring young girls between the ages of 13-17 and he was 33 at the time. I worked with the police but it took me 6 months to get him out of my home because police said we were technically considered as a married couple after living together for 6 months. He attempted to kill the both of us on one occasion

Two years ago I met my fiance and he is not what I am used to. He is kind, sensitive, respectful, caring. He is such a huge support for me . There is a part of me that excepts the worst.I have told him over and over that I am not used to this treatment and from time to time I may do something to sabotage the relationship to get the chaos I am used to. I can honestly say he is not letting me even get to that point. We do have the challenge of being in a long distance relationship but for us it is working because we are forced to take thing slow. Hell we are not getting married until my kids are 18 all because of the way my ex husband is. I have talked about my dog I am training to be my PTSD and balance dog (Jellybean). Well he is the reason I have her, he bought her for my birthday back in May to help with my treatment. He is looking into schools in his area so when I see him Jellybean will be able to continue her training. He sees the change in me since getting her. He tries to understand what I am going through. As I said before at times it feels like a dream that I am going to wake up from soon

Change is scary, Change is hard

 

[GWhizz]

True. Change is scary and hard.

I think you are making the right decision of waiting until your kids turn 18 before fully committing in marriage. This is a valid need of yours in order to protect yourself and your children from potential danger.

It sounds like this man has a true level of genuineness and authenticity to him and I hope that is the case long term.

Whatever happens, all I can encourage/advise, is that you secure your own supports and relationships outside of your marriage, so that you always have this to fall back on. It is never good to give all of your life to a relationship. You need your own time with others and life beyond him. I guess I'm trying to say, don't have this relationship as all or nothing. I really do hope that it works out and it sounds very promising. There are good guys out there who will support you and love you. And I know how hard it can be to believe that that is real but we need to allow some level of trust so that we don't prevent ourselves developing healthy and important relationships/connections.

I love your dogs name by the way :-)

Welcome to the forum. I hope you can continue to share your journey and that we can provide you with some support whenever you feel it's needed.

Take care

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I completely know the dream feeling. (OKOK, no comments about how this is a new relationship and I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm still in the honeymoon phase because it's SO much more than that.) I met someone new a few months ago and I am also afraid I will wake up one day and find out he is not real. (I have had this experience before----I don't think I'll ever know if he is/was real, then again, it doesn't really matter at this point.) But yes, once you meet someone who truly accepts you and supports you, it makes you wonder why you wasted all that time on all of those other jerks. Even if this new relationship goes nowhere, it would take a helluva lot for us to not even be friends anymore, just given who we both are as people. And who knows, maybe it won't last. I just take it day by day trying to live in the moment and appreciate it all for what it is, right here and now.

So my point is that we are used to things always going wrong because that's what we've always had to deal with. It is so refreshing to meet someone who is completely different and just blows your expectations out of the water.

 

[silkleaves]

Jellybean is such a cute name!!!

Yeah, I can't even imagine, but it really sounds like you have an amazing guy on your hands there. I can completely understand wanting to wait until your kids are 18 before getting married. You have been though *enough* and even with absolutely no risk of him being like your ex's, there is still that need there to make sure your kids are completely protected.

Really is wonderful to read this though, you are providing lots of hope here for those of us who have been through the wringer and desire to find the same thing :)

 

[munkinmama]

My fiance is the real deal and he has proven it over and over. He told me from the beginning my kids come first which shocked me as I have never been told that. If there is an issue with me going to visit him he told we will figure it out he will come see me instead as he does not want to risk me jeopardizing my current custody arrangement with my abusive ex. We have had many long talks about waiting to get married vs getting married right away. As I said the distance is forcing us to take thing slower then if we lived in the same city. I mean I live in Alberta,Canada and he live in California, USA. I know I can rely on him no matter what. As I said he tries to understand my condition and will support any treatment I go through which is huge. When I was telling him about service dogs for people with PTSD and I was doing some research he without hesitation said "I will get one for you , you find a pup and I will buy it for you if it will help you then you need a service dog"oh and he added " also this will be an early birthday gift from me" I was so blown away