Struggling To Hold On

[FauxLiz]

I am having a crappy weekend and I don't even know where to start. In addition to my PTSD I have a medical condition called Chiari Malformation. It is a genetic brain birth defect that causes excruciating headache and neck pain that is debilitating. I had emergency brain surgery 16 months ago to help the condition to relieve the spinal fluid pressure build up but the headaches and neck pain have never completely gone away and I end up spending 20-25 days a month in pain that can only be controlled by opiods but doctors won't prescribe them because "its just a headache" I know that this episode was triggered by significant work stress this week and I just want things to stop. I went to see a friend yesterday to talk to them about my situation but she had just lost her life long pet that died in its sleep so I couldn't add to her troubles. All the way home I fought with myself going back and fourth between driving straight to the hospital to seek admission or coming home to my son and hiding out for the weekend. All I want to do is disappear, I want the pain to go away, I want the memories to disappear and I don't want live like this anymore but I just keep trying to hold on.

 

[GrayOwl]

I'm very sorry you are in pain. Sorry it's a crappy weekend for you.
:hug: I don't know what else to say, but I'll say a little prayer and send it.
Thanks for sharing here - I hope the pain eases and you feel better soon.
:banghead::arghh;

 

[ladee]

@FauxLiz, I am so happy you posted !! You still have someone to talk to, just not your real life friend. I am so sorry for the constant pain you are in. I am too, so I understand. I really do. Some days I can't think straight or I'm so irritable I can't stand myself and get weary of putting on the 'happy face' to the world.
I am given pain meds tho...can you find a Dr that specializes in pain? You can not live without relief... Some pain management Dr's can help with this...And there are also inpatient pain management... I friend of mine went to one. I can get the info for you if you want me to... I truly understand. And it makes our PTSD go thru the roof some day... Sending you gentle hugs and healing energy.

 

[FauxLiz]

GreyOwl, Ladee thank you for reaching out. I have been to Pain Specialists both internationalists that specialize in procedures and anesthesiologists that do both procedures and prescribe meds I never turn down any of the treatments that they try but in the end they all say the same it's just a headache there are specific meds on the market for that and pain meds are not indicated. I am on a waiting list for one of the top headache specialists in the country but the wait list when I was put on it was 12 months long, I called a month ago to see where I was as it had been 6 months and they informed me that the list had been frozen 2 months ago and they didn't know when they would start utilizing it again so basically it just keeps getting longer and longer each month at at this rate I will never get in to see him. My own docs have told me to my face that there is nothing more they can do for me. So I just live with the pain.

 

[ladee]

Do any relaxation techniques work? Any type of meditations? Massage? Anything? I feel so bad for you because I know on some days I am just nuts....But hang with being on that list, you never know. They could have told you the list had been frozen so you could seek alternatives... That stinks..
And you have a child? You amaze me with your strength and courage.. because never doubt either of those if you are living with chronic pain and no relief..
I am more weak minded than you, believe me, I would have found something, street drugs , anything... so glad you are here... When it gets bad, you have a place to come and talk.... we are here for you. Sending gentle hugs if you accept.