Struggling With Coping Skills?

[LeoTheLion]

I am wondering if anyone have experience struggle using coping skills ? Also, I am wonder if C-PTSD or PTSD has to do with making us struggling with coping skills?

 

[disconnect]

I find it difficult to use coping skills I've been taught in therapy. I think it's because I try too hard? I want things to work so badly, that I focus every single ounce of strength on it and if I can't get it exactly right, I tend to become frustrated and that works me up even more. I find it difficult to concentrate and relax enough, to actually be able to focus on 'coping'. I don't know if this makes sense, but I'm almost sure my PTSD has caused me to struggle with actively exercising my coping skills to full effect.
D/x

 

[krillco]

Following a critical incident, your body copes the way it was built to cope: survive the trauma. The problem is of course, that now you body uses the same coping skill, even when you do not need it. This 'stress episode' that is out of whack with what is really going on in the moment then becomes something that you have to cope with....you end up trying to cope with your body's innate coping skill response to the trauma.

In addition, the development and level of your coping skill levels prior to the critical incident play a part. Your skills prior to your trauma may have been quite adequate, but begin to be inadequate afterward.

Hope this helps.

~bill

 

[drannepratt]

I think that that traumatic experiences cause the problem with coping skills, especially with Complex PTSD. Think about it - we learn to self-soothe, calm ourselves, and manage emotions from our parents. IF A parent of caregive is abusive, how will the child develop decent coping skills? Where will the child learn to trust, to self-soothe?

So we develop alternate coping skills, sometimes having to do with fixing things so you feel no emotion, others to do with calming or numbing severe emotions.. Having someone to talk to at those times can be helpful; reading or re-reading inspirational material, posting on a forum like this, taking a walk, or distracting yourself with something can help.

 

[syrinx]

I find it pretty hard to use coping skills, only thing that has helped me a bit is learning my early warning signs that I am entering into dissociation, or approaching a trigger. Sometimes I'm still not able to stop the episode, but my awareness of what is happening and why gives me some sense of power and is soothing.

Changing my core beliefs, and knowing myself is definitely what helped the most in terms of my recovery. Neutralizing triggers, and building up myself to be stronger than what gets me down was what really helped. To do that I did a lot of soul searching, writing, and making major changes to my life.

I agree as a person and a professional that it's extremely hard to learn to cope with cPTSD. A friend once told me when while I was triggered that I was dealing with an "inconsolable child". Rarely ever have heard a statement that is so true. I'm often miffed by the lack of skills I have to get through the emotional part of my life, when so much comes so easy.

 

[LeoTheLion]

Syrinx- can you explain more about "inconsolable child"?

For other people who leave comments, I feel little relief that I am not alone that have struggling or hard time using my coping skills. Drannepratt you brought up something to think about, what you said about trust doing self-soothe if we already learn not to trust interesting view.

For myself, finding when my emotion is too high it become more difficult to deal with coping skills. Just like my emotion take over control hard to change focus to do the coping skill.

Thank you for sharing your view and opinion about coping skill which can be difficult for us.

 

[reallydown]

I still haven't figured this one out. I guess children just don't have the emotional resources to draw upon that adults do. This, of course, is worse if the parents are the perps. I'd venture a guess that if the parents are not the perps but are also being traumatized, the children take cues from their reactions...So, if a parent has poor/no coping skills, the child can't be expected to do any better...Does that make any sense?

 

[Kb3]

"Following a critical incident, your body copes the way it was built to cope: survive the trauma. The problem is of course, that now you body uses the same coping skill, even when you do not need it."

I came across this thread while I was looking for a way to avoid responding to triggers. I hope that it's ok to resurrect it because this is exactly what happened to me today.

"if a parent has poor/no coping skills, the child can't be expected to do any better"

Again, this is me. My parents were physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to me and my grandfather physically abused me. I was never allowed to be angry about the way that they treated me. I saw how powerful that anger made my father seem and I wanted to have that power, so anytime something sets me off, I scream and yell to seem powerful.

I express fear, anger, sadness, and really any negative emotion as rage when I am triggered. Because I was never allowed to express my anger out at other people, the rage is directed at myself. I call myself terrible names and hurt myself.

I would really like to stop doing this, does anyone have any suggestions on what works?

 

[stuff]

A friend once told me when while I was triggered that I was dealing with an "inconsolable child". Rarely ever have heard a statement that is so true.

Oh syrinx, never has a statement rung so true or been so frustrating. I had to laugh when I read it. I got out of a particularly rough relationship a few years ago, and my ex-boyfriend used to freak out at yell at me anytime I was triggered and/or having a panic attack. One day he screamed at me, "You know what your problem is? You're just g-d f*&$ing inconsolable. There isn't anybody in the whole world who could help you feel better." And in spite of being a complete douchebag, he was probably right, but having someone yelling at you and smashing your stuff for being that way while you are already in a state of distress sure doesn't help. I have C-PTSD and I have a few coping skills that work for me, but mainly for things like dissociation. Dealing with emotional flashbacks is far more difficult, because it's so exceedingly difficult to have feelings about / separate from what you're feeling. If you're juggling hypervigilance in there on top of it, which I find I usually am, it becomes nearly impossible. It's even worse when I'm having one of those terrible flashbacks where I lose all sense of self esteem and every terrible thing I've ever been told about myself becomes completely believable. I don't know how anyone should be expected to "cope" in those situations. The best I find I can do when that happens is to treat myself like an inconsolable child. I curl myself up in a blanket somewhere and cry until I can't anymore and then usually pass out due to exhaustion. Afterwards I feel shaky, but ok. The fact that this can happen to me right out of the blue is utterly terrifying though. More so, because I juggle a pretty heavy schedule these days and I'm afraid I might lose my job or friends or work opportunities if I have one at an inopportune moment.

If I'm ever able to have a relationship again, I'm going to make certain whoever I'm with understands that it's not their job to console me, but that a good long hug when I'm feeling that way can sure help.

I guess the one coping skill I've worked out with my therapist in regard to the raging loss of self esteem is that those aren't my emotions that I'm feeling, but my history coming back to visit. I try to remind myself of that, every time it happens.

 

[stuff]

Because I was never allowed to express my anger out at other people, the rage is directed at myself. I call myself terrible names and hurt myself.

I don't know how to deal with it, but anger is huge for me. I still can't express it well. On the very rare occasion I find myself actually feeling angry, I get so terrified I cry. I think it's because when I finally do feel angry the emotion is stronger than any other emotion I've ever had. It makes me feel overwhelmingly sick.

 

[Spero3]

Stuff,

Your words ring so true for me. I have unbelievable rage inside. If I ever let it out, I'm not sure I wouldn't kill someone. If anyone could see the fantasies I have in my head of hurting people who make me mad, I'd be locked up. I am learning to breathe, breathe, breathe. I am just now learning how to express it in a constructive way, but it is so scary. I find that writing out my thoughts and anger really helps me get clear on my feelings and calms me. Writing is my tool.

Spero