Stubborn negative core beliefs: i am not worth protecting

[scout86]

Now those close to me, and those whom I may make a difference to in some way?...I can see that.

But THEY are part of the world. So are those of us here. You don't have to change the entire world in one fell swoop to make a difference. Personally, I think if you make the clerk at the grocery store smile, on a given day, you've added something to the over all amount of positive energy in the universe. And, the people you've made a difference to will go on an make a difference to others. Hard to tell where the potential influence of one person stops or goes.

And, I think the world WILL change when you cease to exist, just as it's changed because you DO exist. The change doesn't have to be big to be real.

 

[Justmehere]

I went to therapy today, and I my therapist I was struggling with this.

She said, "Maybe I need to be part of your solution. I want to help protect you." We talked some more. She noticed I was getting nervous. "Let's see what it is like for me to do something small to protect you, and work through. Here and now, in this moment. How about I ask you... would it be ok if I close this blind to keep the sun out of your eyes?"

"Um yeah..." She closed the blinds.

"How does that feel for me to do something small to protect you?"

"Good.... Well, not entirely, I feel tense. Maybe nervous and guarded."

Then we did somatic therapy from there about how I felt. I cried. I remembered what it was like as a kid to be so unprotected.My therapist said something about being able to have a little trust now... I spaced out, dissociated, and we stopped talking about trust and grounded.

It was stupid and small and yet, I want to push it away. I want to close the damn blinds for myself thankyouverymuch.

I have held this belief that no one will protect me FOR SO LONG. If I let it go...

Then what? Why does that scare me to let go of this? I think I am holding on to this belief, not so strongly after today, but still holding on to it, because it's how I made sense of life.It's how I am not vulnerable. But I am. At the same time.

I'm pissed. She says people want to protect me now? Do they even really mean it? What happens if they don't? Am I just a means to getting votes (in the case of the elected officials) or a paycheck (my therapist) to them? Am I really worth protecting at all?

I told my therapist that I wanted to just close the blinds myself. "I protect me. I know that reality so well..."

She did want to protect me. That was real. Small, but it was real. My past therapist wanted to protect me too. They are paid to it, but still…

If I let go, and try to let her protect me, then it hurts. A lot more.

 

[scout86]

Then what? Why does that scare me to let go of this? I think I am holding on to this belief, not so strongly after today, but still holding on to it, because it's how I made sense of life.It's how I am not vulnerable. But I am. At the same time.

Some day, I hope I have a good answer for "Then what?" ! You've explained, rather nicely, why it's scary to let go of this. And, if you have pretty much no history of it working like you'd have liked it to????? Hard to get past that! Not impossible, I hope, but hard.

She says people want to protect me now? Do they even really mean it?

Here's my take, from a fellow traveler. Some people probably mean it and some people I'm quite sure just say it because they want you to think that for some reason. Hard to sort them out! At least I think it is. Of the people who mean it, a few are probably actually capable of following through. A bunch might WISH they could follow through, but, for a variety of reasons, not be able to successfully protect you. (Or help you protect yourself.) People can have the very best of intentions and fail. What category do we sort that in to?

Am I just a means to getting votes (in the case of the elected officials) or a paycheck (my therapist) to them? Am I really worth protecting at all?

Sometimes, when your interests align with some one else's, they might protect you, or defend you out of their own self interest. I think that's legitimate, but I sure want to know that's their motive. I mean, it's useful sometimes, you know? It's just not the same as them doing it out of altruism. And, I think there are some people, and your T might be one (I think mine is) who happen to get paid to help people, but they would help at least SOME people anyway, just because that's the kind of human being they are. So, I'd be surprised if your T does what she does JUST because she gets paid to do it.

Am I really worth protecting at all?

Yes! But here's another thought. We don't always get what we deserve. Even people who deserve protection don't always get it. The fact that they don't get it doesn't mean they didn't deserve it. At the same time, there are people walking around this world who "deserve" to be dead as much as they deserve anything. And yet they live while others, who were more worthwhile, die. Bad stuff, or good stuff for that matter, doesn't happen because someone deserves it. It just happens.

 

[illusionist]

Aha!....the domino effect..get it now. Thanks Scout.

Justmehere......I so get the feeling you have when someone does something for you...I go into a mini panic. I am ok if I have already done something for them first but to have an act of kindness, out of the blue? I find it hard....why are they doing it?...what is their gain? Rather than accept that they may just be like myself, and doing it just because they want to make me smile/ make my life easier/ do it instinctively without reason/ actually do care about others well being.

It is a hard one to get my head round.

 

[Rosewater]

I have this negative core belief:

I am not worth protecting. I am inherently not worthy of being pro...

You're a human being. That alone means you're worth protecting.

If you want evidence - you've protected yourself for a long time. That's a really hard thing to do, yet you do it.

Unless you live a life surrounded by some major arseholes, I also bet you can find a lot more evidence of people wanting to protect you in small ways, like your therapist closing the blind. Sometimes it's good to let people do these things, it's good for them as well as you. In a way, you're protecting them by letting them do something positive for another human being.

Hope this is helpful.

 

[illusionist]

Hmmmm......Ways people protect us without us realising

Someone holding a door open for us, so it doesn't fall back on us.

Asking us to jump under their umbrella so we are protected from the rain.

Holding us back from an oncoming car/ falling object.

Telling us to mind the wet floor in case we slip.

Legal advice.

Health and safety advice...though my mind does argue with the intentions of this. It still protects us.

 

[Rosewater]

Hmmmm......Ways people protect us without us realising

Someone holding a door open for us, so it do...

I suppose posting on this forum counts too. If it helps protect someone / helips them protect themselves from their own negative thoughts, then it probably counts as something.

 

[Kimberly54]

I have this negative core belief:

I am not worth protecting. I am inherently not worthy of being pro...

I struggle with this everyday. I so appreciate reading your words as its so painful and for me shamefull to feel. People constantly tell me my worth and that I'm worth more than I accept. But to really weave that into my being while I battle my cptsd can stop me from shifting forward and can reel me backward as fast as a flash or flooding of memory.

 

[Friday]

I have held this belief that no one will protect me FOR SO LONG. If I let it go...

I told my therapist that I wanted to just close the blinds myself. "I protect me. I know that reality so well..."

Then you are worth protecting. You know this, because you do it. Every decision you make to protect yourself says you're worth it. That's your evidence.

Anyone else feel this way? Anyone else have any success in changing a core belief that they have zero evidence to believe anything else is true?

I often look for holes in my own theories/beliefs. ^^^ That right there? Big gaping hole. There are undoubtedly tons of examples where you don't protect yourself tied up in that mess (whether it's refusing to eat, or dress for the weather, or unsafe decisions, or whatever). But the hole in your theory? You can use that in both directions; both to better take care of yourself, and to pry the thing open. Other people agreeing with your assessment that you are worth it? The self confidence to know you're right & they're wrong & bite me? Separate issue. And possibly an easier one to tackle. Turning problems on their head, looking for the holes, finding a toehold, flanking my issues? That's how I do it.

 

[Justmehere]

I’m in a storm of anger amount this right now. I needed to be protected. People with power and authority and trust did nothing to protect me. I protected me as best I could. I did know I needed protection. Everyone is right. Something in me has known it. @FridayJones - you are right. There are big gaping holes in my belief, and I'm glad I can see that now.

I have so viciously blamed myself for not being protected and tried to delude myself into thinking I’m the singular exception to the principle that humans should be protected from abuse.

I did deserve to be protected. Some people who had power, authority, and trust to protect me didn't do it.

I’m so angry about that. Crap. It was easier to be angry at myself or believe I am a terrible person not worth protecting than it is to deal with this anger. This pain.

I feel so cold, dead, and pissed off about this. I don't want to be someone filled with hate - at myself or at anyone else.

 

[Friday]

I’m so angry about that. Crap. It was easier to be angry at myself or believe I am a terrible person not worth protecting than it is to deal with this anger. This pain.

I feel so cold, dead, and pissed off about this. I don't want to be someone filled with hate - at myself or at anyone else.

I'm a control freak. I know this, and to a degree work against it (in other ways I encourage it, strengths and weaknesses, 2 sides of a coin, to most things!). Blaming myself? That's part of my illusion-of-control. If it's my fault? Then I have the power to fix it. (So says my head/heart, even though it's not true.) Once a thing becomes someone else's fault? I lose my illusion of control. So it's a double hit, realizing or admitting, that something isn't my fault.

Anger? Hate? They are emotions. They can register, we learn from them, and they pass... Or be can become consumed by them. Either being that person filled with nuthin' but hate & anger or in trying so hard to run from them that our lives revolve just as much around them. I've done all 3. Consumed by the firestorm, consumed by running from the firestorm, or feel/register/learn/move past.

Feeling things? It is not a foregone conclusion that you will be consumed by them. Not even if you are consumed right now.

I think you know the story of 2 wolves fighting for control in your heart? 1 who represents who you want to be, and 1 who represents who we fear to be. Sometimes, the wolves fight. That's just the way it is. The wolf who wins? Is the one we feed. The one who loses is not the one we ignore, or refuse to admit exists, or don't notice their strengths & problems. They both exist. They're both real. The fight is real. But the one who wins is the one we feed. That simple. <grin> Why is it the simplest things are the hardest? Oy vey.

 

[scout86]

The other day, on the radio, they were talking about the movie "Inside Out". I haven't seen it, but it's supposed to be about "feelings". They said, among other things, that emotions have jobs and that the job of anger is to "keep us from getting run over by other people". That that is an important job. And it is, when you think about it.