Negative core belief/cognition - "i am wasting my time/life"

[Go Hungry]

Oh wow, Uni... That sort of thing, to take something you love and denigrate it so. God what bastards... Don't give up. Being crafty is a talent.. hell, it's something I'm trying to do more of, since a friend advised me that I needed to get some hobbies that don't involve a computer screen.

My computer blew up and I had a good month in which to observe that I didn't have much of a 'life' without it. All my time and social interactions went through that machine. So I just sat around being unhappy and wishing I had it back. Now -that- was a waste. Being so heavily invested in just that one thing that I had nothing else to do with my time... A mistake.

So now I'm trying to find some other things to do. Getting crafty is one of them. So I'm looking into finding some additional friends who don't live a thousand miles from here. Doing stuff with my hands.. Doesn't even matter if I'm that good at it. I'll get good, as time and practice go by. So don't you worry at all. Doing things that make you happy, and make you feel spiritual is not a waste of time.

(hugs)

 

[Ronin]

@UniversalBeing, art is never waste of time.

Without art there would be no culture.

Without culture there would be no civilization.

Your 'so little' efforts mean very much in the big scope of things. People not able to see the greatness in details aren't worth listening to, however long & insistently they talk.

 

[illusionist]

I can so relate to this uni....I won't go into things but I too was put off and even punished for doing things I enjoyed and felt passionate about. I had to untrained my mind to go on as an adult and feel free to do them...and oh what freedom I feel when I do them.

I so hope you find the freedom within yourself ...to help you to feel whole again.

Thinking of you.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@illusionist thank you. It's really hard.

I spoke to my therapists and we decided that the positive cognition should be "It's OK to be myself". Next week we will do EMDR on the memories related to this negative cognition. I will let you know how things go.

 

[Ivan the Elder]

I am crying right now. I really hate them for everything they did to me.

You are part of this club and certainly not alone in that regard. Nothing good about it, for sure. I utterly fail to understand how a parent of any child is able to abuse a child in any way at all. I am 66 and separated from my wife of 44 years as of March this year. We are still sorting out what items belong to who, almost finished but it is not a job I ever thought I would be alive to do.

I just got a box full of books and have many more to go through. I picked out 5 of the best that I was sure they would like to have at the local library. Took them in to them yesterday afternoon. The woman there was looking through them. When she opened the last book she saw and commented "This looks like it has a long inscription in the front from your father, do you want to keep it or at least a copy of it?"

That totally triggered me to the max instantly. I hadn't bothered to look inside and forgot about the book being from my father. I couldn't talk at all because I was crying so hard. All I could do was turn around and leave. I hate it when this happens because I am sure I am hurting people by making them think they said or somehow did something wrong and I can't even say anything to help them understand that they haven't done anything wrong. Now I just want to burn all the books I have because I do not want to find another that has anything in it to do with him. He is still alive at age 93 and the last time I had any contact with him he bragged that it looks like he might just manage to live longer than one of his children. That was four years ago when I had a stroke and let him know that. I don't dare say much about him on this board because then I will be kicked off for the language I use.

I can understand those that have PTSD from fighting in wars and the many other ways to be so affected by circumstances beyond control. What I cannot understand is how it is possible for a parent to abuse a child. I was severely abused by my father and sexually abused by his mother. I am still trying to find ways to deal with this as it has all been suddenly magnified beyond belief by circumstances earlier this year. I was suddenly severely mentally abused by my former wife and then by people assigned to treat me in a psychiatric facility. I am amazed that I do not want to kill myself, I must be a masochist.

What I am now doing is what I love to do the most. More than anything else I enjoy designing, creating and making things using a wide variety of methods and materials, everything from leather to hard metals to plastics to an airbrush and anything else that can in some way be used to do creative work. I have now just finished assembling a 3D printer and am about to start using it to create things in that way, a method I have never tried before. Positive creative work is by far the best way to exercise your mind in the most positive way possible. I have done it all my life and will continue until I no longer can.

It is also good because it will distract you from continually reviewing all the bad things that have happened in the past. That is what gives me the most trouble by far. My creative art work helps more than anything else I can do. Keep up with it and don't be the least bit concerned about how well you can do something, that is not what matters. Right now I am a rank amateur at 3D printer art work. I will improve.

 

[Changing4Best]

@UniversalBeing How about "I have the right to enjoy myself no matter what I am doing."

 

[Deleted member 28942]

UPDATE: We did EMDR last session. The next day, Saturday, I woke up and I was feeling content and ready to do some sewing and painting. However, on my way to the store I saw I have not responded to an email which was not urgent. That triggered anxiety and brought some earlier memories. I was told that if i don't do my homework everyone will laugh at me. Also, I was not allowed to play until I did my homework. No wonder I am a workaholic and overachiever. I will work on this next session. This has been affecting my life for a very long time. I can't relax or enjoy until I do my work. Sometimes I go on with months of working and working and not taking any time off to relax or enjoy myself.

 

[Changing4Best]

Our local community college has some painting and other creative activities that they teach. Do you have a community college nearby? I think they teach woodworking too.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@SheilaKathy I know how to do stuff it is just that the negative beliefs or theemories start replaying in my head. Joining a class like that might be a good idea to meet people with similar interests and get motivation.