Relationship Stuck- don’t know what to do.. help

[LostHope1112]

Hello all,

I appreciate your insight to this. I’m in or possibly was in a committed relationship with my vet (served 18 years; retired for about 4 years now; has told me he has PTSD) for about a month- we got into a disagreement, he claimed he wasn’t happy, I blamed it on myself and therefore, I initiated the break up talk, and when I was supposed to come over to his place to talk about it/pick up my stuff, he never picked up his phone or replied to any of my texts. I’ve been reading all the posts on this forum and I’m assuming now this is what you call the “isolation” period.

It’s been now close to a month (almost as long as we have been together) and still haven’t heard anything except for.... I did receive a response from him when I asked if we were still together, and he said, he couldn’t honestly answer that. That was on the 2nd week of the isolation period. After that, still no word and I’ve stopped trying to call or send a text in the last 10 days.

He gave me the world and I fell hard for him in the beginning. He’s given things to me which are irreplaceable such as his custom-cased honorable military hat that I see in my room everyday. He’s still taking care of my cell phone bill which our agreement was he was supposed to bill me for but he hasn’t.

It breaks me because I had such high hopes for our relationship and now, I’ve realized this is something I will need to understand and deal with.

I am stuck because there’s this part of me that knows what I can handle and there’s this other part of me that has so much empathy for him that I’m willing to fight for him and do my best to make this work. The problem is- I don’t even know where he stands?? Am I just waiting to be broken up to? How long should I wait? This isolation has been as long as our relationship. Is this how it is when dating a vet with PTSD? Any Insight or input will help. I’m so close to sending the official broken up text but my heart is not ready and I also don’t want to be the fool as well...

Would love to hear your thoughts...

 

[EveHarrington]

You were only dating him for a month. At this point it’s impossible for you to know if you can be a supporter in the long run. He’s been “isolating” for a month after you sent a break-up text. I’d say it’s over and best for you to move on. Two people yo-yo’ing doesn’t make for a good relationship.

 

[Sweetpea76]

At this point in time I would take control of the situation. He's not going to give you the answers you're looking for, so you'll have to decide if *you* are willing to deal with this. How long can you go no contact and still consider yourself in a relationship. Is being left hanging for extended periods of time is something that you're OK with? What are your realistic expectations of a relationship?

If he is doing this early in the relationship, it's probably going to be a pattern of behavior. Consider this... this is how he is acting when you guys are in the honeymoon phase of the relationship. What's he going to do when the new romantic feelings wear off?

It's kinda impossible to say if this is isolation or not right now. Take PTSD out of the equation and consider things.

Nobody can say "break up with him"... that's going to be something you'll have to decide. My advice is really to have realistic expectations. Love doesn't conquer all when it comes to mental illness.