Stuck In Anxiety Mode

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Since Monday, I have been stuck in anxiety. I am jumpy and irritable. I don't want to be around people. I actually took Tuesday off from work, which I haven't done since the fall. On Monday I was really irritable and short-tempered at work- not good when you're a teacher. I am not usually that way, teaching is a sanctuary from my PTSD world. I can lose myself completely in the classroom. So when the anger started to show itself in the classroom, I knew I needed a break.

I spent all of yesterday in bed, on the computer, or watching TV. I was still exhausted at the end of the day and that was not what I was expecting. I entered a dissociative state and cut again before bed. Then, I went to sleep with the light on and my husband turned it off like usual when he went to bed. Just after I woke up in the midst of a panic attack. All I could do was say "I'm scared" over and over again. I finally got back to sleep only to wake up 2 hours later and have another panic attack. I was rocking, shaking, and repeating "scared" over and over again.

I haven't been this low since the fall and it scares me. I made it through teaching today, but once I got home I did not want to be near people. Yet at the same time I feel so alone and want someone to be near. I want someone to be able to help me and reassure me. I might not believe them, but I sure wish I could. I want to get out of this low, but it seems like a never-ending cycle and sometimes it's hard to remember just why I am continuing to try to get past it.

 

[Mi Hiro]

You have to remember it is a cycle. I go though it also, one day I chatting with everyone like it no other, next day I shut off the world. I know it feel like it a "never-ending cycle" but we can try to making coming back to a low longer. Instead of trying to stop it cold turkey, we know we are going to hit it again. Now what can we do to make that low shorter or take longer to come around. I found that music has helped me a lot, when I know I am feeling it more and more. I've turn to music to take off the edge, I am currently tapring off of Mirtazpine and venlafaxine to start Prazosin. That has been hell, i been 5150 twice within a 3 month span. I've now have learn to prepare for it . I don't know if this help but this is how I am dealing with it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I used to have such extreme anxiety and somehow I pushed myself and accomplished giant steps when I remember how bad the anxiety was.

Please be gentle with you and when you feel the anxiety make sure you get a time out from it too.

I remember when I was shaking and nervous driving on the freeways. Last week I did fine on the freeway.

It is a matter of baby steps which are really giant steps.

You have a choice to make in any given situation.

You are not being controlled by this even when it feels like. It is a rollor coaster ride with bad days and a few good days.
And it takes so much practice on learning new skills.

Can you take a leave of absence from your teaching?

I am concerned for you and wish you the very best.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Can you take a leave of absence from your teaching?

I have considered this, but often the actual time I spend teaching is what keeps me going. It can give me a little break from the outside world and I love teaching my students. I took 1 day a week off in the fall, during the worst time. I just have to pray that I can make it until summer and really work on practicing the skills I am learning over the summer.

Thank you for the hope that you convey in your message.

 

[Seasounds]

Sorry for your suffering. I relate. The first 15 years of my trauma opening, I had plenty of days, weeks, and months where I lay frozen, in any spare moments I could. It was so much safer than moving, and risking being emotionally hurt or triggered by interactions. I would get up if I had appointments, work, etc.

Slowly, and while integrating the concept of choice, using self-dialogue skills that I learned in therapy (reassuring the frightened part of me that I will do my best to protect myself, or call for help if I need it), mindfulness-doing my best to relate to the moment, and using the Alexander Technique-that helped me unfreeze/move through the freeze part of flight/fight/freeze response, I began to find safety and freedom. This process was over years.

Be gentle and loving with yourself. :shy::)