Stuck In The Hourglass

[JadedGhost13]

I wanted to write tonight, lots on my mind. But I have just been alerted of some drama in my family that has the potential to be more than just drama. I hopefully will be able to write late tonight or tomorrow if I do not have to leave town.

Just a quick note... Therapy went very well today. The first thing addressed was the Psych, and I WAS NOT the one who mentioned him. As soon as I sat down that was the first question from my therapist. Apparently this Psych has only been at that location since December and pretty much MOST of the clients are complaining about him. I really like my new therapist, however she will be leaving there in July, but I am going to try my best to work with her until she leaves there. I really do like her that much. That's a first for me.

 

[JadedGhost13]

I was born numb........

I really do believe this. I cannot ever remember feeling like I see other people acting out their feelings. I do not have any deep attachment to anyone or anything. I am not saying that I do not love anyone, or care for anyone, I just do not have a deep attachment. For example, I don't cry when someone dies, not even family. I miss them yes, but I don't long for them. Does that make sense to anyone?

I say I was born numb because I cannot ever remember being attached to anyone or anything, for granted I can remember most of my life but that's neither here nor there right now. But here is the messed up part.... I will cry and have feelings over other things that happen, but not around people, usually when I am alone.


Family Drama....
So I looked at my phone a little while ago and I realized that I had missed a call from my sperm donor, so I messaged my sister and ask her if everything is ok because I have not spoke to my sperm donor in almost a year because of his choice to choose a bar slut gold digger over me. She tells me he was drunk and looking to contact my brother who cut all ties with him many years ago. Well that made me feel so damn special I could puke glitter!

My stupid sister has no idea that the guy who she confides everything in called me up today to tell me about her screw ups she is hiding from the family and in the process really screwing her kids up. Those kids by the way have a terrible life and I hurt daily for them, they call me weekly and beg to come live with me. I am always a flipping mess after those calls and usually spend the next 24 hours in bed being a blubbering basket case. I just hate people who abuse kids! Screw my sister... she is an adult, she can do whatever she wants to herself, but she doesn't need to take those babies on the ride with her. Normally this guy does not talk to me about what my sister says, and that's good, everyone needs a friend who can keep your secrets if you choose to share them with someone else, but this time it was so bad he had no choice but to reach out to me. That meant that I had to call my mom and ruin her night as well.

My sister is doing the same crap to her kids that my mom did to me that screwed me up and it makes me so crazy mad. She watched that crap happen to me, she seen the impact those actions had on me and my actions to follow those situations, and she has talked to me about how she knows things were wrong, and now she is going the same shit to her own kids.