Relationship Success Stories??

[Jaye]

Im about to get married to my PTSD suffering partner. And, now hes been diagnosed, Ive realised all the hard bits of our relationship have been because of PTSD. Im getting counselling, hes getting counselling, we are being proactive about our mental health.

BUT does anyone make this work? Are there PTSD relationship stories with a happy ending? Because this really is hard. Its like I started dating one wonderful guy, and now im about to marry a much different (and really quite nasty and dark) person.

 

[anthony]

Its like I started dating one wonderful guy, and now im about to marry a much different (and really quite nasty and dark) person.

If this is how you view him, then you shouldn't be marrying him. Not until things change so that that is not your attitude about the person you want to spend a good chunk of your life with.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

BUT does anyone make this work?

My husband and I are making it work, but it is a lot of hardwork. I am definitely not pleasant and some days I need to be completely alone or stay in bed or sometimes I burst into tears (though rarely) and cry non-stop. But my husband doesn't view me as "nasty and dark", he views me as the person he fell in love with who is struggling right now and he is loving me through this very difficult time and putting faith in my abilities to grow and his love for me to help guide us along. He can't fix me and he knows that. He also knows that I will never be who I was before, but he's not either. We are both growing and changing, but we're working together.

My advice to you is to really step back and think through if you 1) really view him as dark and nasty through and through, 2) are you able/willing to travel through this Hell of PTSD with him because it's not going to go away in a few months, it will always, to some extent, be there, and 3) is the relationship healthy- are you safe, is he safe, and remember that not every unlikable quality is caused by PTSD? Don't rush into a marriage just because it was planned already, you'll only end up hurting both of you even more than calling off a wedding you're not sure about.

So yes, there are success stories, but you have really consider your own relationship regardless of success stories.

 

[The Albatross]

I think too I'd be bringing it up in counseling sessions and consider pre marital counseling. I think Anthony's spot on about your perception of a person you intend to marry and would advise against it at this time.

After all, you are not marrying the idea of the man... what you want/need/desire him to be... you are marrying the man as he is. So often this is the apex/most blissful time in a union or long term relationship... but as you are sharing reservation it's not a far stretch be wavering or questioning in your commitment.

Self examine your level of commitment in your sessions and independently to determine if you are prepared to accept your partner as he is and not as you imagine he would be without PTSD?

 

[Kintsugi]

Really quite nasty and dark?

I could not marry anyone I saw in such a way. I don't think that people who get married to those they find nasty will achieve much success with all the counseling in the world on their side. How is it you came to decide you wanted to marry someone whom you feel this way about? It seems quite strange to me.

There are many happy ending stories about relationships wherein PTSD exists (depending on your idea of "happy ending;" don't believe everything the fairytales sell you ;)).

 

[Purplemunchkin]

BUT does anyone make this work? Are there PTSD relationship stories with a happy ending?

Well we are working on it, does that count? We have good days and bad days, but what relationship doesn't?

As for the ending, well my first marriage had an OK ending. No PTSD involved there.

I'm hoping not to find out about the ending to my current relationship (marriage) for a long, long time as I want to be with my (PTSD suffering) husband for the rest of our lives.

My husband has "nasty and dark" moods but he, himself, is not nasty and dark. He is my big squishy teddy bear (please never, ever tell him I said that) who is in pain.

But that's the man I chose to marry - the good, the bad, and the squishy!

 

[Sweetpea76]

You've also got to ask yourself what if he never improves? What if he is always like this, or worse? Can you handle being married to him, because PTSD is going to be a fact of life forever.

I don't doubt you love each other, and it is very possible to make PTSD relationships work... But getting married when in doubt is never a good idea. There is no rush, take some time to figure things out.

 

[Gadgie]

Quite........"But that's the man I chose to marry - the good, the bad, and the squishy!"

I like that, reminds me of how my late wife and I were, it's great isn't it.