yes I can relate to the flash of a new insight coming into my thoughts without a lot of premeditation. Once in awhile I just see through the fog and things make sense and I can go on from where I am to where I want to be without feeling like I am just trying not to trip on the furniture all the time.
I was hit with a new realization this past week, almost the diamond bullet to the forehead kind of thing, a life changing thought that just hits without warning.
It has occurred to me that I spent most of my life trying to earn respect from my parents, trying to regain the love that was a part of my life until my mother died and was replaced by my stepmother. After age 10 I struggled for approval and love that was no longer unconditional, everything in my life was changed by a religion that my step mother brought with her that I didn't and still can't accept as anything but a cult. My parents are so twisted in it that they truly believe withholding approval as a means to manipulate others into alignment with their beliefs is an act of love. It has left them friendless and without family, even those of us that practice their religion but at a less extreme level. They just don't show anyone anything but disapproval, ever.
So now I have this new thought- my life long quest for approval from my parents was futile, except that it left me hungry for the love and respect I wanted so badly. I can satisfy this need in myself by channeling my energies outward to people that need just a little of what I need. It is so easy to earn the feeling of love and thanks from people that were seeking just a little of what we are all looking for, that same feeling of love and acceptance and thanks. This is changing my life, but I have to admit a bit of embarrassment for taking so long to come to such a simple truth. Better late than never.
A great quote I recently heard: You meet the nicest people when you are broken down on the side of the road, simply because the jerks don't stop.
That's it, isn't it? The only way to get what you seek is to give it freely and hope you find people that know the same truth and give you some back.
