Suicidal Dont Know Where To Turn

[RaggyDoll]

Hi,

I am feeling the most suicidal I have ever felt, following Christmas and the cut back of my therapist sessions on the nhs from weekly to four over the next six months and I cant contact her, apparently I need to learn to self soothe but I am really struggling with this as I hate myself.

I saw my G.P yesterday but she couldn't suggest anything apart from a crisis place to go in the evening but I don’t want to go there as it is worse in the day and there are only five spaces there with no guarantee you would get one which would upset me more. This left me feeling that nothing could be done and no further help could be offered and she was tired and angry with me and I would either get through it or I didn’t, so that feels like another door has closed. I feel like I need to be in hospital or something as I don’t know how else to stop myself but it would appear that only a serious attempt would make this even vaguely likely and if I were to do this I would be hurting my and everyone and I would still be here so I might as well just got through with it instead.

I am in touch with the Samaritans and am on 60mg fluoxetine and beta blockers but nothing seems to work anymore. Can anytone suggest anything please?

 

[sun seeker]

What would happen if you went to the emergency room and told them what you just told us? Do you think they would send you away again, or take the time at least to have someone see you? I'm asking because I don't know how these things work in the U.K. and am hoping someone who has a better idea will reply, but I don't want to ignore you.

Sometimes when it gets this bad, thinking turns black and white: your G.P didn't help, your counseling sessions are running out, and you feel trapped and as if there is nothing else you can do. There probably is something, only it might not be a perfect solution but if you can break the feeling of desperation into smaller pieces it becomes more manageable. I believe you when you say you need to be in a hospital, but for now, can you make it a goal just to get through today? Going to the ER will at least take up part of the day and get you out and around people. I hope this is making sense, it's very late here and my mind is dull.

Hugs to you if you want them. We want you here.

 

[illusionist]

If you feel at the end of your tether you must go to either your gp or casualty department where they will see you. They will not close the door on you. They will probably ask you what you want them to do......do not take it the wrong way please, it is what they ask to judge the situation. Tell them what you feel, and don't feel that you are wasting their time...you are not.
I am sorry I cannot write anymore at the moment, finding it hard to do this.so....keep yourself safe.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Go to A&E and tell them that you are feeling suicidal and you need to be admitted to a psychiatric unit.

You need to be really blunt about it, and if they try to send you home with some comment like "we don't currently have any beds, you should go home and see your doctor if you still feel like this tomorrow" tell them that if you leave you can't promise you will be around tomorrow.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, and I'm sorry that the NHS has a tendency to suck with mental health issues, and I'm sorry that my advice seems so negative.

You know you need help which is a really good thing, now you just need to make the system understand it.

Keep us posted x

 

[rightkindofme]

When I feel like that I sit in a bath tub until it is cold then I empty it and refill it. I am normally pretty freaky about not wasting water (I've lived in California my whole life through nasty droughts) so this is a Big Deal to grant myself permission to use that much water. I sing to myself. I try to just wait out the hours until the intensity is less bad.

I'm sorry it hurts so much to be you.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Do you not have a social worker, mental health nurse or care coordinator who could perhaps get you more sessions, see a different psychologist or another form of help like art or group therapy?

A&E is over-run and you maybe in there for most of a whole day and they're still likely to try and send you home or refer you to the crisis team, (same goes for the GP). You should be able to find your crisis team's number online or again if you have one, from your care coordinator. If you're feeling suicidal then getting to the hospital is a good way of getting away from danger, but if you've got someone who knows you witnessing it - they should phone the police as it's far faster to get you seen by the crisis team and/or admitted to a psychiatric wing.

 

[Seagreen]

If you are feeling this bad, I think you should talk to your therapist about it. That is a long time between sessions. I would have thought that such a break would only be for people who are stable. If you are suicidal I think you need to be seen more regularly. Would seeing a different therapist be possible? I agree with the others. Please go to the ER if you feel you are in danger of your life. I'm no health professional but for what its worth you are not alone.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I would have thought that such a break would only be for people who are stable.

Yeah, the NHS is more about meeting targets and guidelines, than actually doing what a patient needs. Or at least can be if the staff are overworked and tired - the care drops out of what they're doing. They can either drop target meeting and get fired or drop patient care. Also if a patient isn't better by the time they're "supposed" to be, things get shaken up. It's really scary because there's this pressure on the patient then to force themselves to do something that may not be possible. That being said there are always more forms of help available but you really have to push for it or know how the system works to get it. It's quite demeaning really.

 

[joeylittle]

Hey, @RaggyDoll, how are you doing?

I just want to echo other posters with the most important part: if you are in need of someone to stop you, go straight to the hospital; don't even think about it. Tell them you are in real danger and need to be admitted. I don't know in the UK if this phrase works, but in the US I would say "I am going to kill myself. I am a danger to myself and others. You need to admit me." I actually have it written on a piece of paper in my wallet.

I need to learn to self soothe but I am really struggling with this as I hate myself.

I understand this so, so much. I still can't do self-soothing at all. But what I can do, and I bet you can too, is distract myself. Getting your mind and body doing something else will really, really alleviate the pressure. I promise. It works. The only thing is that you sometimes have to try a bunch of things.

Here's a list: try any one of them for 5 minutes; set a timer, or the alarm on your phone if you have one. You don't have to like doing it, just do it.

• go for a brisk walk outside
• inside, do simple calisthenics (marching in place, jumping jacks, sit ups, anything as long as its continuous movement
• draw a picture with dots; I can just start a line and I make shapes with them, you can tell yourself to fill a page with zig zags all in dots. Remember, you don't have to finish. Just do it for 5 minutes.
  
• breathe in and out, counting to eight to breathe in and 16 to breathe out.
• wash dishes
• if you have a hobby like knitting or sewing, do some of it
• empty a bunch of ice cubes into a bowl and put your hands in the bowl and play with them; I specifically just move them from one bowl to another.
• grab some paper or aluminium wrap, ball it up, and try and toss the balls into a basket or bowl you put a little ways away
• pick ANY household task and do it. Could be sweeping, could be dusting, could be straightening one room. Remember, you don't even have to finish. Just do it for 5 minutes.
• If you have a kind of game you like to play - crosswords, soduku, anything like that - do that for 5 minutes.

Doing these might make you think of your own. After 5 minutes, if you notice that you are still interested in doing the thing you are doing, keep doing it. If you haven't been able to get part of your mind hooked into it, just do the next thing on the list.

Don't think, just do - that's the idea.

Thinking of you - and check in with us when you can.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I don't know in the UK if this phrase works, but in the US I would say "I am going to kill myself. I am a danger to myself and others. You need to admit me."

Yes, that one phrase is what you have to insist. It does work, but you maybe left in a waiting room for hours in the hospital after you get through triage. My personal experience was after a two hour wait in triage, I was left from 11AM to 6.30PM and was discharged by 7, to make matters worse I was bleeding fairly heavily for at least three hours. I've since been told by the crisis team and my social worker, that if things are that bad, report yourself to the police or have someone else do it because they won't leave you unattended and will actually get you seen to faster. That said, if the police are intimidating to you or you would rather go to the hospital that's fine, but things will take a lot longer. Also they will try to persuade you that you don't feel suicidal, or that you're doing ok really, or that it would be better not to hurt yourself because of your family - don't you agree? Don't ever agree to this, because they will discharge you to the crisis team who may not see you for a more than 24 hours after. You have to be so persistant, which is stupid if you're so depressed/suicidal.

 

[Iusedtosing]

I'm trying hard to stop them putting me back in hospital....in UK it's a post code lottery regarding mental health issues especially DID as there is so little known about it other than in the military. Know this I am in the UK and I know how hard it is so for what it's worth I'm here with you and you are not alone x

 

[Rosie Rose]

Don't do it. Depression is hard, but suicide is forever. There will be dark moments in your life. Look forward to the good moments. They will come. You will be happy again.