Suicidal Dont Know Where To Turn

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Also (forgot this earlier), blamelessly, depression can cause the sufferer to be hyper sensitive to criticism and experience guilt and shame. It's possible for you to be worried about these things and seeing them much stronger than they are. Also to quote from Frozen (ugh lil sister influencing me here!) "People make bad choices if they're mad, Or scared, or stressed." - Realistically you both are for each other. It's really easy to turn your mutual love of each other against each other under this kind of pressure, especially when neither one of you really knows what's going on in the other's minds. Unfortunately it's a part of depression, and your partner will learn over time that these aren't personal, nor do they reflect badly on them as a partner. Going into hospital may actually be beneficial by giving you a little something to stabilise you and as you recover in the long run, this all may be for the better. I know that's hard to see now because you're in the eye of the storm. Just go easy on each other when you can, if you can.

 

[RaggyDoll]

Hey just wanted to check in to say I'm still here and waiting for space in crisis centre. I feel totally emotionless and flat now, no energy or interest in anything and I think that might be keeping me alive as I'm too tired to do anything .

I hope you are all doing ok and are heading off the demons

Take care x

 

[blackemerald1]

@RaggyDoll am so glad you came and told us that you are still with us. So pleased to hear that you are able to wait for a place in the Crisis Center.

Even though you are feeling like this now, you at least have moved even a tiny step away from the sheer panic you were in before.

Try your best to do some self-care, if you can, but most of all, rest and just let the "flat emotionless feelings" keep you ALIVE! That feeling can be dealt with by a doctor or therapist once you are admitted.

Do you have any idea of when you can be admitted?

Stay in touch if you can, I think IMHO we are all trying to come to grips with our demons every day, in one way or another.

Remember you are not alone in this.

Kind regards,
B1

 

[RaggyDoll]

Hi blackemerald1,

Thanks for your reply, they won't be tied down to an admittance date yet but think it will be next week sometime. Wine and flat feelings are getting me through at the mo, I know it's not ideal, but it's better than the alternative.

I hope I can help you all as much as you have helped me in the future.

Thanks, take care x

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Glad to hear from you @RaggyDoll as I've been thinking of you.

Keep chasing the Crisis Centre, and keep contacting your GP and getting them to chase too - sometimes it does make a difference.

Take care x

 

[blackemerald1]

I totally agree with @Purplemunchkin keep leaving messages for your doctor, the crisis team and any one else who has a say when you go in. Because if it gets too long, they might try and back out of admitting you. You are just as important as anyone else yYou are just surviving and not in the best way, even if its the only way right now. So, don't lay there all day, make "desperate" phone calls, keep them jumping through hoops to get you in.
Kind regards,
B1

 

[RaggyDoll]

Hi everyone,
Thought I'd check in to say hi, I haven't been able to before no wifi in crisis house where I've been for last 8 days and there for another two. Generally they have been really good and have pulled me through the worst I think. I am looking forward to coming home but am scared about it too.

I hope everyone is doing ok.

Take care xx

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Well done and congrats. :hug:

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Hey @RaggyDoll

I just wanted to let you know that we are thinking of you, and hope you're breathing a bit easier x

 

[RaggyDoll]

Thanks purplemunchkin and Kas can fly. You are lovely people.

Take Care x

 

[blackemerald1]

Hello @RaggyDoll I am so glad you got into a place where you can begin to shake loose those feelings you started this thread with. Are you getting ongoing support from a professional now? Or, are you being thrown back into the deep blue sea without a life jacket. I really hope not.

Being scared is absolutely natural after you have been in care and support and have to go home and face the reality of what is or is not there and the memories prior to you being admitted.. Don't feel bad about being scared, I would hazard a guess that almost everyone on this forum has had their moments or more of being scared. I do hope now your doctor and other's involved in admitting you, will take you far more seriously than before.

If ever you feel scared of how you feel, come back here and vent out what is happening in your head or, even just to let us know how you are getting along, good, bad or really ugly. I can't be here much right now, but I often missed knowing how you got along. (I have no internet connection)
But I am in town right now after a rather torrid day, so I have hijacked someone's computer so I could see how you (and other's are getting along). I log out again so nobody can get onto the forum via the computer.

Please take care of yourself, be scared, be brave, be true to yourself and scream for help when you need it, I am so pleased you received some help and I hope and pray that you will not have to go through that nightmare again, particularly the extended wait to get admitted. If you find yourself beginning to sink again start banging on peoples doors and ringing the phone off their hooks, before you get to desperation.

I guess by now you might be home.. I hope its going okay. Happy Easter @RaggyDoll you are strong!

Kind regards
B1

 

[RaggyDoll]

Hi,
@blackemerald1 thanks so much for the message and your support it means a lot. I hope that you are not having too many torrid days and are doing ok?

I am home now and have been ok and not. I have been visited by the urgent care team a couple of times following a couple of incidents/ bad times and they have arranged a med review so I have come off fluoxetine and will be starting venaflaxine tomorrow.

I haven't really got any increased support since I left the crisis house. I only have two more sessions with the psychotherapist, one in a few weeks and another in June. She is trying to refer me for DBT therapy which is pretty full on and scary, there is an 8 month waiting list and there is no guarantee they will accept me. I need to give up drinking which I sometimes use as a way to feel numb (not ideal I know) before she can even refer me.

I am really scared about how I will cope after our last appointment in June.

I need to go back to work soon which is pretty scary too.

Wow I didn't know I had so much to say!

Take Care, if you want me to listen to you I am happy to return the favour

RD