Suicidal Ideation

[Deleted member 541]

sigh,

You are scared at what's after, and I am intrigued to find out what is after.....

 

[Grama-Herc]

I have to confess I have had the "thoughts" too. My mind goes there often but then I think about what my actions would cause my family to go through and I calm down.

Been a couple of times my family was the only reason I did not act on my thoughts.
Could not bear to cause them that much pain.

 

[FlameTachiku]

Same here Grama-Herc and more often when I was on Lexapro. I take it very seriously as that I need help beyond my normal survival stategies. Things can get intense or empty but a part of me "knows" it is time to seek support or create support, change is needed. Then the intrusive "thoughts" will stay but eventually as things get better fade.

Oddly I thought it was a normal way of being until fairly recently. Huge surprise that aparently it is not, right?

 

[LoveWins]

Yes, I get this severely and I absolutely despise it. I feel guilty so about it. It is usually when I am the most lonely/depressed/triggered It can get quite graphic and on very bad days can get tot he point where I consider it, very briefly, in seriousness. Actually doing it, the technicalities. That is rare though and usually they're just intrusive and very unwanted general thoughts about "not being here anymore"

I'm not on any meds
:Hug_emoticon:

 

[wattle]

When I'm at my lowest and triggered I often have suicide idealation stuck in my head, part of the round and around thoughts and like some of you guys the only thing that stops me is my hubby and family, I really couldn't do that to them. Luckily though I'm on top of things at the moment and haven't had those evil thoughts for a while.

 

[sigh]

Hi She Cat. I'd love to talk to you, maybe pm?

 

[hapa_gurl87]

Hi Hen,

I agree with the other peoples appreciation for your post. You brought something up that alot of people with ptsd or any other kind of disorder or mental illness go through or experience. Suicidal thoughts are a chemical imbalance in the brain and can be treated with meds . Meds work differently on every person so one med that treats one patient may disturb another. I know its ridiculous that something thats supposed to help your thoughts can actually impair them.
Thats why its very important you get a hold of your psyciatrist right away whenever something uncomfortable arises, be sure to let them know everything down to the very last symptom, so they can identify the problem and the right treatment if that means changing or tweaking your meds.

Not that long ago before I was really on any medication all I could think about was different ways to take my life. It seemed very tempting to try but it was something I knew I could never act on. Just seeing any object associated with suicide such as a rope, or pills or a knife the thoughts would come up. Thats when I knew something wasn't right and I needed help. What saved me was my mom, my psychiatrist, and the people I knew who would be devastated if I actually risked my own life. The best thing is finding supportive people like this forum to share your thoughts and feelings so you stay connected and realize you're definitely not alone alright!!!!

 

[cragger65]

Hen, you're definately not alone in that. Today the suicidal feelings came back for me. Mostly remorse driven, but it has been happening now for me for a number of years. I made to half-ass attempts on my life about 6 1/2 years ago, but I had thought about it quite a bit in my late teens as well. We get run down to a certain point, our mind slips a gear I guess. We just need to keep reminding ourselve's of all the reasons not to.

Sigh, that's such a profound revelation of the reality of it. Would I truly fear is Judgement Day - to face my maker, and where I'll go after - that's what stops me from doing it. Thanks.

Cheers,
Dave

 

[Allen-deckard]

Wow kinda always thought I was alone in this part. Or maybe not alone but anyway.

I find myself exactly in the same spot as it seems many are. For the last 10 years give or take it's been a daily/hourly thought.

 

[Hen]

I mentioned it to my psychologist this week. She said it was very common in PTSD but it could also be the sertraline I am on. She said to book an appt with my GP to discuss it which poses a problem - it's taken this long to start to trust the psychologist and now she wants me to discuss this with someone else.

I get why as it's the GP who prescribes the meds but it took me ages to tell the psych now I am stressing about telling the GP. It also worries me as the GP writes it all down and with what I do for a job they check medical records, so if I were to apply for a different post then I would be stuffed as it would have suicide thoughts and loopy down on them.

I know I have to do it but I really don't feel confident to tell someone else that I have these things in my head.

And thank you everyone for the posts, it was so much of a relief to know I am not alone, but then there is sadness too as so many other people have these horrible intrusive thoughts.

 

[Xenu]

Its nothing new man. I think about killing myself every day but never do.

 

[kers]

She said to book an appt with my GP to discuss it which poses a problem - it's taken this long to start to trust the psychologist and now she wants me to discuss this with someone else.

Was she willing to discuss the suicidal thoughts and how to manage them? I would expect her to refer you to the GP to discuss changing the med or whether the med is contributing to the thoughts. But I would hope a therapist would be willing to discuss the content of those thoughts with you.

You're not alone with this.