• We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
  • Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.

Suicidal rage

Status
Not open for further replies.
Hi @Nicci777 , well, I find it hard to explain (because for me it is so obvious), but I guess the reasons that cross my mind are:

1) The short & long term repercussions for the person
2) The short & long term repercussions for our (or any) future relationship between us
3) The damage it could do, even with need or good intentions: meaning well but it could push the person over the edge. Also, I am not a person who feels like I've 'done something good or right' by simply passing the problem on to others.
4) Because some things I do understand. I also understand that there's likely much I don't know/ don't understand.
5) Because timing means a lot. And because I cannot trust I can properly identify that. (I tend to under-react because of being afraid of not thinking clearly can lead to over-reacting.)
6) Maybe some denial, or that sense of this-can't-be-happening. Also not knowing if it will be people who will understand, or make matters worse.
7) That kind of stress makes my brain/ body overload, literally feel overwhelmingly like I will fall asleep, not light-headed like fainting, but fall asleep on the spot standing. I can't trust if I'm doing the right thing, & I'm unable to physically react.

I guess that's some of it.

(ETA, so I guess that's doubt, fear, prudence, understanding, restricted ability to act, denial, a sense of unrealness, not knowing what's the right thing to do).
 
Ty for explaining.
At the same time your reply is very concerning.. Hoping you are getting the help you need..
I've never cancelled 911 but there are def times I should have called. Cut myself really deep repeatedly during a trauma my ex husband was causing. But I didn't want anyone to know, esp my ex bc we were in the middle of a custody battle. Didn't want to be looked upon as weak. Was hoping it wasn't the same for you.
 
Sorry for what you're going through Junebug. How are you doing?

I guess we all have some idea of what you're going through... We wouldn't be here otherwise. Although, ultimately only you really know your pain.

It's difficult, and everything feels complex. And it's that complexity - the amalgamation of trauma - that stops us from seeing the wood from the trees.

My temporary remedy is to find a calm place by isolating myself - to try and distance my self from the triggers. It's not a solution, but sometimes it offers a little respite. I know I'm disassociating - but at least I'm not fuelled with adrenaline and rage.

I've basically left my wife and daughter and I'm currently living in my campervan in the forest. I've isolated and outcast myself. But at least it helps me find some solice - just by listening to the wind.

I wish I had a solution for this... I guess that's why we come to this board... To try and find some answers and a little solidarity.

Anyway, I hope you've found a little respite.

Also, sorry for not being around on this board for a while... Been in hospital - only just got out today.

Hospital kinda puts things in context for a bit, but I know the complexity of things will keep coming back to bite me on the arse.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Donation drives

2026 Donation Goal

Goal
$1,800.00
Earned
$910.00
This donation drive ends in
0 hours, 0 minutes, 0 seconds
  50.6%

Trending content

Featured content

Back
Top Bottom