Suicidal

[lostforgottensoul]

The weird thing is I felt fine... was actually feeling better... then suddenly I collapse.

That happens to me, a lot. I said to my therapist, about anxiety, that it comes out of the blue, from no where. He said "it doesnt come from no where, tou know where its coming from...your past" so i think our subconscience purges things up on its own. Its why i couldnt keep my past supressed completely, numbing with drugs here and there, but was purging itself after 10 yrs or so. Blowing up at people for no reason, etc.

I also fond that destracting myself helps (not something that reminds you of the past) but since im self isolated and have severe social anxiety, i distract inside (netflix or any good movie or show, drawing/painting, writing). I used to write all my anger, haterd, ugliness, blah it all on paper then burned it, ripped it in a millin pieces, throw darts at it...took all my rage out on it. Dont know if that made sense.

And when all else fails, i play that video i posted over and over and over and ask myself "what if that was my dad saying that stuff?" So what if it was your aunt? She'd have a hole the size of a crater. People do care about us and love us even if we dont think they do. I think the video helps me cuz the skinny girl in the white shirt remind me of myself so its like me talking to myself. I dunno.... sorry if im not helping much :sorry: Its common ground that i usually cant get myself out of....

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thank you this did cheer me up, I made it halfway through before spacing out, the lyrics are helpful :hug:

Im so glad it helped! Its helps to think of that one person that you know loves and cares about you talking to you...for me anyway.

Plus i just LOVE the song! ;) :hug:

 

[Thehalflingninja]

I totally get the not wanting to be a burden feeling. But have you asked yourself what you would want if the roles were reversed? Say you have a friend who is struggling with suicidal thoughts in the middle of the night. Would you want them to call you? I know I definitely would.

About calling 911. I haven't done this but I was suicidal very recently and it came up in my research. Apparently you can call 911 and they are trained to deal with this sort of thing. They'll come and take you to the ER and connect you with doctors and further help. No one wants you to die.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

the middle of the night isn´t the best time to break down ´cause you don´t want to be bothering people who are asleep and minding their own business..

If anyone called me, ANYONE, and want to talk in the middle of the night because they delt like ending their own life; i wouldnt mind AT ALL!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

But have you asked yourself what you would want if the roles were reversed? Say you have a friend who is struggling with suicidal thoughts in the middle of the night. Would you want them to call you? I know I definitely would.

Exactly! Id wake up fast and talk as long as they needed to and would make sure they were ok, like super ok, before hanging up or id have 911 on my other line if they werent.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

might be weird since I´ve never done that before... think I should try it...

Defantely, anything different can get your mind off of it. I have to take my dog but taking a walk sometimes helps me. Something about walking thay helps me think through stuff. And as my therapist says "nature heals"

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Blowing up at people for no reason, etc.

I actually blew up at my therapist a week ago for being a couple of minutes late... then we worked through that and just so much anger there... have had a very short fuse all around...

I tend to use distractions as a denial... that´s why it builds up... for me it would probably be better to deal with my body mindfully but I hadn´t been able to, had a bad injury on my elbow, but it´s improving so no more excuses not to deal...

Yeah writing also makes sense. I actually wrote a bunch of cr..p in my journal just before I broke down about not going down this spiral again... maybe it triggered the feeling of being completely overwhelmed and breaking.

I totally get the not wanting to be a burden feeling. But have you asked yourself what you would want if the roles were reversed? Say you have a friend who is struggling with suicidal thoughts in the middle of the night. Would you want them to call you? I know I definitely would.

I´d want them to call me. Would actually probably be mad at them if they didn´t... tomorrow I´ll think of some of my closest friends and see if they are okay with being called in emergency situations...

I´m glad I could call 911 if I thought I was going to - do things I would probably regret - felt that way for a while there but I am doing a little better now and more calm... this just reminds me that I need to open up to people and stop trying to manage everything by myself.

 

[Queen Boudica]

I think it might help to do "mundane" things like having coffee by myself somewhere because I´d need to get myself out there... might be weird since I´ve never done that before... think I should try it.

Even going to a movie. My psychologist suggested how nice it is to sit there with movie of your choice, popcorn and chocolate, I thought he was mad because I used to hate sitting on my own. But now I get it. It is worth a try. You can get a coffee, read the newspaper, take laptop and go online, sit for ages, watching people go by. I sometimes watch and think, what is your life like? So many people all busy doing their own thing. We now have a cafe about 5 mins walk from where I live, so now I go there often. Even walking there to get a take-away coffee, but now prefer to sit and read. Took my notes from uni and sat there reading. Cafe owner knows me and comes and chats, so that helps.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Even going to a movie. My psychologist suggested how nice it is to sit there with movie of your choice, popcorn and chocolate, I thought he was mad because I used to hate sitting on my own. But now I get it. It is worth a try. You can get a coffee, read the newspaper, take laptop and go online, sit for ages, watching people go by. I sometimes watch and think, what is your life like? So many people all busy doing their own thing. We now have a cafe about 5 mins walk from where I live, so now I go there often. Even walking there to get a take-away coffee, but now prefer to sit and read. Took my notes from uni and sat there reading. Cafe owner knows me and comes and chats, so that helps.

These are really good ideas. Maybe I can find a discount thing since the movies here are kinda pricey but there´s probably theathers that have old films at lesser rates.

We have a café round the corner that has really friendly owners. I was there with a friend a while ago. I think I´ll work on the courage to have some cocoa there or something the like. Thank you so much for the suggestions :)

And to the others I´m going to bed now - but you´ve all helped a lot and I´m really glad that I´m on this forum.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[joeylittle]

There's online crisis lines? Like chatting?

Yep. They are still becoming a 'thing', but this is the big one in the US run by the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline/Helpline
http://www.crisischat.org/

@Radise - I don't know if this link will be helpful at all, but just in case it might be: Dead Link Removed
They say that they operate 24 hours a day.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Great suggestions so far.

Really the best thing that helps my depression has already been talked about. Make some baby goals, try to get out of the house and above all, Keep Moving.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

- I don't know if this link will be helpful at all, but just in case it might be: Dead Link Removed. They say that they operate 24 hours a day.

You´d think that they would actually operate 24 hours a day (since they proclaim to) but they don´t. Chat is closed during daytime, and I think the weird guy I spoke to before was from that site. Dutch helplines are pure :yuck: This forum has been of much more help.