General Support For Husband Of Wife With Ptsd

[lonetree]

wow, so much to say and yet coping means not looking at it.
Well put Harry. Walking the tight rope!
Jawn I feel your anguish. I wish I had an answer. I know your not staying with your wife right now but I'm sure it feels the same. There are times my wife has a flashback and comes out of it needing a hug. sometimes I am able to catch her before she goes and can get her back with a soft touch and a hug. some day's she is so depressed I want to wrap my arms around her and make her feel everything is OK. My trouble is that with this open feeling and closeness sometimes my head slips into what I guess a normal relationship would be and I want to be closer and more intimate.
thats when world war three goes on in my head. I don't want to push her away but I need to tell her we need some space for the good of both of us as I am not strong right now. I know it may make her feel guilt but I try my best to let her know its OK and we are good no matter what.
From what I have been reading I know things could very well get worse and there may be no physical contact at all so I guess I'm glad for what I have.
Is that an answer? No. but at least its a message that your not alone. Do I think of alternatives. Of course I do but I don't see me doing that. It may be fine for some and that could be the solution for some. For me it would only compound the stress.
She dedicated her life to me and I to her. What I am suffering is not equal to what she is suffering. It may not be fair to me but I committed to be there for her. I didn't do it, I want to avenge it, I want to make it all better. I do not have that power. What else can I say. I need to make her well.

 

[Angus McGee]

I am interested in talking to husbands of wives with PTSD and getting tips on how to deal with it, her, and myself. I saw intimacy mentioned above and we lost intimacy about 5 yrs ago as her PTSD surfaced and she started a downward trend. At this point I don't get told she cares about me, she won't hug me or hold my hand. I am looking forward to the day she gives me a good hug.

I am new, so you can go read my intro for more specifics to my situation.

Jawn

Right there with you. At 6+ months. This life is the new normal.

 

[charlieb]

Hi
I'm in the same situation as yourself, married 12 years, together close to 20 and tonight on the verge of separation....probably not what you want to hear huh!

To be very honest with you intimacy should be one of your last concerns at the moment. If your wife is getting help you need to be there for her, if she's getting help she's one of the lucky ones that is able, or willing to ask for help. Keep supporting her and hope and pray that she will come out the far side. When she does you'll get all the hugs you could every want.

Just be prepared for a long wait, I'm sorry to be so blunt but it's a fact, don't expect it tomorrow, next week or next year, steel yourself against the hurt and pain you are going to feel for quite a while.

Charlie

 

[ISupportHer]

WOW, it's weird seeing something I wrote 2 years ago.

One thing that I have said before, but feel it bears repeating is that "no means no". This means that if ANY partner is not ready for sexual activity, then it is the responsibility of the other partner to respect that.

Secondarily, this can mean any form of intimacy. Even touch. If one partner cannot handle it, then it is wrong to force it on them. This is very hard for a supporter that, as a rebound reaction to the absence of intimacy, desire to make up for what they feel is missing. Hope that makes sense.

ISH