I am new to this forum thing. My husband has PTSD. In November he attempted suicide and our lives and marriage will never be the same. I am so angry at him for so many things. I feel like I shouldn't be though. I spent the first few months after his attempt trying so hard to be the supportive wife and bottling up my feelings. Now I am so depressed and angry that I can't even fake it any more. I am so frustrated with evryone we know asking how my husband is all the time. He has a team of support and I have nothing and no one. I feel so alone and trapped in this situation that is too complicated to explain to anyone.
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General Supporter looking for support
- Post starter Ashes
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Hi there Ashes Welcome
You will find people that would understand here nothing much people have not heard or been through themselves. Don't be anger with your husband be mad at the ptsd. I would suggest that you take care of yourself first and get some therapy for you. If you are not healthy you will not be able to be a supporter. If your husband is not in therapy he needs to be. Life with PTSD is challenging at best and can be devastating. I find it to be good days and bad days. Right at this point in time it is getting more good than bad or feels that way. The weather is nice so I am outside more and that is the best place for me and my mental health.
I thank you for having the courage to come forward and ask for help. It is a first move we all make in our healing journey to reach out and ask for help. Good luck to you and you husband on this healing journey.
Peace be safe
Esterio
You will find people that would understand here nothing much people have not heard or been through themselves. Don't be anger with your husband be mad at the ptsd. I would suggest that you take care of yourself first and get some therapy for you. If you are not healthy you will not be able to be a supporter. If your husband is not in therapy he needs to be. Life with PTSD is challenging at best and can be devastating. I find it to be good days and bad days. Right at this point in time it is getting more good than bad or feels that way. The weather is nice so I am outside more and that is the best place for me and my mental health.
I thank you for having the courage to come forward and ask for help. It is a first move we all make in our healing journey to reach out and ask for help. Good luck to you and you husband on this healing journey.
Peace be safe
Esterio
- Moderator
- #3
Sweetpea76
VIP Member
Welcome @Ashes! We have a great supporter section, and it's a real sanity saver! I started a new thread for you so you can get more responses :)
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EveHarrington
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Welcome!
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- #6
Sweetpea76
VIP Member
Caregiver burnout and compassion fatigue are real things @Ashes. Don't feel guilty.
- Post starter
- #7
Thank you for helping me by starting a new thread. I don't really know how to do this yet. I was frustrated and discouraged by the first response I got here. I know it was meant as supportive however, one of the things that is so difficult for me is feeling like I'm not allowed to have the emotions I have about my husband's PTSD and the things he's done. Being told that I should feel one thing or shouldn't feel another thing has been awful and one of the reasons I've been bottling things up for months. I finally worked up the courage and emotional energy to look for a support network online and post something and the first response I see says "don't be angry at your husband". That sucked! I don't need anyone else telling me I shouldn't feel angry. I need support. I feel like giving up most days and I just need something to help me feel normal again.
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- #8
Sweetpea76
VIP Member
We have a saying here... take what you need and leave the rest. This is a public forum, so you'll always get a variety of responses. Also, sometimes when our emotions are high, or when we're reading instead of listening to tone and inflection, we'll take things the wrong way. Don't let that discourage you.
I think the sentiment was "don't be angry at your husband, be angry at the PTSD". Some people feel like that, and use it to get by.
Like they have their wonderful partner and the the PTSD beast in them too. Personally, I feel like the PTSD is doing horrible things to my vet, but I don't think it's wise to separate him from the disorder... like he's only sleepwalking or something. It's him with PTSD. He's not only PTSD, and it doesn't define who he is... but he is definitely wrestling that lion enough that's it's part of "him" now. I guess it's hard to explain in text... but you get the drift.
You're allowed to be pissed off at your husband. He's not made of glass just because he has PTSD. Your emotions and mental health are just as valid as his. You're also allowed to be mad about suicide attempts.
I think the sentiment was "don't be angry at your husband, be angry at the PTSD". Some people feel like that, and use it to get by.
Like they have their wonderful partner and the the PTSD beast in them too. Personally, I feel like the PTSD is doing horrible things to my vet, but I don't think it's wise to separate him from the disorder... like he's only sleepwalking or something. It's him with PTSD. He's not only PTSD, and it doesn't define who he is... but he is definitely wrestling that lion enough that's it's part of "him" now. I guess it's hard to explain in text... but you get the drift.
You're allowed to be pissed off at your husband. He's not made of glass just because he has PTSD. Your emotions and mental health are just as valid as his. You're also allowed to be mad about suicide attempts.
Hi and welcome! Any chance of getting therapy for yourself? Being involved in the aftermath of a suicide attempt is enough to cause you mental health issues even if it was a stranger - let alone your spouse.
There are many of us supporters who deal with suicidal ideation and even attempts. There are some here who will understand your anger all too well.
My great-grandfather killed himself and my great-grandmother found him. He'd left her widowed in her 20s with 2 boys to raise in a time and place where there was no social security. My mother said to me once "You know she never ever re-married. She must have really love him." I snorted and said "Or she was so angry with him she never forgave him enough to remarry." My mother said "Oh! I never thought of that." But anger seemed to me to be the most likely response.
Hugs if you accept them.
There are many of us supporters who deal with suicidal ideation and even attempts. There are some here who will understand your anger all too well.
My great-grandfather killed himself and my great-grandmother found him. He'd left her widowed in her 20s with 2 boys to raise in a time and place where there was no social security. My mother said to me once "You know she never ever re-married. She must have really love him." I snorted and said "Or she was so angry with him she never forgave him enough to remarry." My mother said "Oh! I never thought of that." But anger seemed to me to be the most likely response.
Hugs if you accept them.
- Post starter
- #11
I absolutely accept hugs. Thank you.
I am angry about his suicide attempt, but also about things he did before and after that. He refused to get help months before the suicide attempt even though I tried so hard to make him get help. Then he started using pot to cope with his PTSD and hid it from me for a few months. He eventually got caught with pot at work (he was a paramedic) and was fired for it. The day his boss called him in for a meeting to fire him, he went home at overdosed on sleeping pills. My teenage daughter found him unconscious and had to ride with him in the ambulance and watch as they resuscitated him. I was not home at the time. I got a frantic phone call from my daughter from the ambulance and met them at the hospital. All at once I found out that my husband had attempted suicide and that he had lost his job. I was questioned by the police about why he had done this and didn't I see this coming. I felt like I was in another world. I didn't know anything that was going on with my husband. He had been lying to me for months and I should have seen it and helped him.
I know now that it wasn't my fault, but at the time I felt so guilty for not preventing it. He chose not to get help when it was there waiting for him (he had a counselor but didn't go see her). He chose to hide his drug addiction and mental health issues from me. He chose to have drugs at work. He chose to take all those pills when out daughter was home. He then chose to spend $250 on more pot after getting out of the hospital and lie to me about it when I asked where the money had gone from our bank account. I know he made these choices when he was ill. That the PTSD changed his brain and he wasn't thinking clearly. That doesn't make me less angry though.
I am seeing my own counselor and we have seen a marriage counselor several times. I have clinical depression myself, and have for most of my life. So, of course these events have made it hard to control my depression. I am so glad to have found this group and be able to vent in a safe space. Thank you all for that!
I am angry about his suicide attempt, but also about things he did before and after that. He refused to get help months before the suicide attempt even though I tried so hard to make him get help. Then he started using pot to cope with his PTSD and hid it from me for a few months. He eventually got caught with pot at work (he was a paramedic) and was fired for it. The day his boss called him in for a meeting to fire him, he went home at overdosed on sleeping pills. My teenage daughter found him unconscious and had to ride with him in the ambulance and watch as they resuscitated him. I was not home at the time. I got a frantic phone call from my daughter from the ambulance and met them at the hospital. All at once I found out that my husband had attempted suicide and that he had lost his job. I was questioned by the police about why he had done this and didn't I see this coming. I felt like I was in another world. I didn't know anything that was going on with my husband. He had been lying to me for months and I should have seen it and helped him.
I know now that it wasn't my fault, but at the time I felt so guilty for not preventing it. He chose not to get help when it was there waiting for him (he had a counselor but didn't go see her). He chose to hide his drug addiction and mental health issues from me. He chose to have drugs at work. He chose to take all those pills when out daughter was home. He then chose to spend $250 on more pot after getting out of the hospital and lie to me about it when I asked where the money had gone from our bank account. I know he made these choices when he was ill. That the PTSD changed his brain and he wasn't thinking clearly. That doesn't make me less angry though.
I am seeing my own counselor and we have seen a marriage counselor several times. I have clinical depression myself, and have for most of my life. So, of course these events have made it hard to control my depression. I am so glad to have found this group and be able to vent in a safe space. Thank you all for that!
EveHarrington
VIP Member
Is your husband seeking treatment? Does he have a therapist and a psychiatrist?
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