Survived Deposition

[anni]

I'm sure at least this guy will be. If they pull out an MMPI, well, there's just no sliding around those, either. I don't know how you got this far other than by sheer faith but it's proof that faith does it. I do hope you're very, very proud of yourself, Gloria. The bottom line is that something awful was done to you by weak, dreadful men as the result of a despicable, evil man. You said No despite formidable odds-impressive.

Milkshakes, with whipped cream-seriously, it works, or at least halts the continued slide there. I don't know about you but there's a point where it gets uncomfortable, right? Always has so it's not age-where you can't sleep on your side because it hurts there on your hip bone? Don't try it first thing in the morning, lunches best but it does work then fruit ( real fruit-blueberries and high nutrient things ) smoothies. Lots of vitamins-supplements. Google the best ones and amounts or ask your doc. This really is almost behind you, my dear. You need to make sure these people haven't taken your health with them, you know?

Hugs- nice you have the grid back. :)

Anni

 

[Gloria]

Thanks Anni and Deb,

I really felt great when I starteed losing the weight I gained when I broke my back but now my size 4's are baggy in the butt and hanging down on my hips so low that my underwear shows! :eek: I mean like having a small butt but having no butt at all is kind of cool also. I do take supplements. I take one that was recommended by a holistic doctor plus E and silica faithfully first thing every morning. My son keeps saying it's almost behind me. My lawyer doesn't tell me much but he told my son that he nailed my ex. I'm going to go on a retreat and pray for forgiveness (again) I forgave the SOB and was nice to him for 9 months cooking for him, taking him on a cruise and doing things to foster a good relationship. Then he turned on me and I made sure that it was the last time he would ever contact me and suck me in again. Because I don't know how bad it is but they did do something about me reporting for fraud. For all I know (I hope) he is in jail. Anni, you are absolutely right, if I tell him how the attack affected me, he would have to be a total crook to not testify on my defense that the trauma was substantial.

Hope everyone is doing well. Hope someone who is visiting is having a great time.
Hugs and lost of love to all,
Gloria

 

[Gloria]

I have a magnet quote on my refrigerator (for years) by Winston Churchill. "Never, never, never give up". If you came to visit my house has things hanging all over the place. I have a wonderful gift from a very kind person - a mosaic to remind me of friends. I have poem given to me by a dear old friend. I have a digital frame in my bedroom with pictures of all my friends. I have a hanging on my wall saying "Friend are the family you choose." Right by the front door, there is a big sign that says "There is always something to be thankful for". Plus tons of other inspirational things. I'm trying to stay positive.
Thanks for your support!!
Gloria

 

[anni]

It IS a very good way to start the day, isn't it? I've got all hell breaking loose in a couple places, so coming here to be able to balance things is extremely, extremely helpful. Have something which truly awakened the old trauma also- despite every tool out there sometimes just no balancing that so back to the PTSD drawing board, so to speak. I'll tell you what- without the forum I'd be much less able to contain that aspect-as it is, have been able to get kind of a grip on it a bit. You folks plain old help, that's all. Containment- gotta have it. Helps to contain some of it here, doesn't it?

I don't think forgiveness quite means what we used to think of it as-the Sunday School stuff. With everything you have going on at the moment, go easy on yourself at the moment trying to process too much, ok? Think it's more of a letting go sort of thing- making the complete break emotionally and spiritually with that person, perhaps even taking the step of understanding what motivated that person to behave as they did.Makes it possible. The other kind is a little dangerous for our type of emotional set up because we'll let them back in then- swing too dam far. Then also some well meaning person will have us accept 'our part' in the abuse ( there isn't any ) so we'll get around to kicking ourselves more and swing right around to re-engaging emotionally yet again with the asswipes through guilt. I don't mean to 'preach', so please don't think I am, just sort of see which sort of forgiveness dynamic is being worked on before launching into this thing, that's all. I don't do either, personally- don't know if that's good or bad. He's taken up enough of my life. He did what he did and God is dealing with him now- I'm done. If I'm wrong, God can tell me about it at some point when we speak in person.

You deserve all your Peace, my dear, and a few milkshakes. :) Both require whipped cream. If your jeans are baggy in the butt, get different jeans. Whatever it takes to be nice to yourself.

 

[Gloria]

I am actually looking forward to seeing this psychiatrist next week. You see I have been friends (and in relationship with) psychiatrists. :laugh: I'm a very practical woman. If my plumbing needs work, I date a plumber. If I'm having a lot of medical problems, I date a doctor so I have my own personal physician. Of course, I had to date psychologists and psychiatrists because they found me just fascinating! I was an excellent specimin for them to analyze and try to manipulate. The psychiatrists that I have known did use their knowledge to manipulate people in their lives. I don't think it's anything bad. It's just what they are good at. I'm good at project managing so any body that I hire to work for me, I treat like the software developers and testers on my team. I admit to micro-manage because I know how to do concurrent activities and allocated resources and it drives me crazy when I see people being inefficient.

When I had my horse at the stables, many of the women there were mental health professionals. I would ride with them sometimes and have so much fun diagnosing all the other people at the stable. I have gotten very good at detecting symptoms from being in therapy and being in ACOA. I love manic-depressant people when they are in their manic state. They are a riot! I don't think I will ever be stalked again because I think I understand the mind set of the stalkers. When you laugh at them and refuse to allow them to scare you, that is the most hurtful thing for them because they get their power from scaring you. I have broken many stalkers hearts by just laughing at them.

Same things with flashers. There was a flasher in my neighborhood when my kids were growing up and sure enough I was bending down to look for a book at the library when I saw a little man with a helmut (the flasher was sticking his penis right in front of my face). I just looked up at the guy and told him that if I had such a tiny little penis, I would cover it up and not go around showing how deficient I was. He was crushed. I ran to the librarian and he was caught.

I'm not depressed today. I am glad that I am going to a psychiatrist. I was so relieved. I was afraid that they would do a gynecological exam on me just to torture me about having a man put his finger inside me. I always go to women doctors if I have any choice because believe it or not, I still get inappropriate statements from male doctor.

Last night I at three ice cream cones and about 8 root beer float ice cream bars. That's all I ate all day. I am such a health nut about eating right but it's 100 degrees outside and that's what I felt like doing. Since I am underweight I can get away with it just for now. If I start to get back to my normal weight then it's back to 100 calories Weight Watcher treats. I normally don't even eat sweets. I go to the therapist today and then the adjuster comes over. Thank God! My farm is a mess. I found out that they will only cover the trees that damaged the roof and fence and gates. So!!! Since the police messed up my right shoulder so badly, I am going to either fix or get another electric chain saw and by fall, I should have the trees done. It's a huge job and most of the time, I am not up to it. But I am going to use the wood to heat my house this summer.

My son gave me a $190 gift certificate for Mother's Day. I made him try to get his money back but he couldn't so one of these days, I am going in for my spa treatment - manicure, pedicure, massage and facial. But I have to paint the deck and do all sorts of things around here and my nails are always broken and I am cut and scratched so I will wait until I can take a break and be foofy. I am off the internet dating thing. This guy who lives in Wisconsin came out of the blue when I placed an ad on Craigs list for plutonic traveling companion. I may be paranoid but I am pretty sure that it was a set up. He asked me if I knew a musician by the name of my ex???? Where did that come from? Then he always ask me about my lawsuit and when I told him that I would rather talk about something more pleasant, he became angry. I am pretty sure that he was working with my lawyers since he lives only a few blocks from their office in a city two hours from me.

I have friend who have gambling addictions. I don't have any addictions that I know of but I do have a lot of animals (well taken care of so I'm not a hoarder). But I love to play blackjack on my computer. It's not real money and I got up to $3,000,000 and it keeps my mind occupied. Now, I have started playing blackjack for free on line. I am afraid that I will go one step further and start playing for money but since I have been doing this for three years and I know that even if I make it up to $3,000,000, I start to gamble more money and then I lose everything. I think I have enough self control not to gamble for money.

My poor horses! It's going to be 110 and the flies are bugging them. I would hose them down but they don't like that. They sleep outside because when they are kept in side the barn their bodies heat it up like a furnace.

Do take care of yourself Annie. I have gone through so many bad periods in my life and just remember nothing stays the same. One day, you will look back and remember how tough it was but it will be a distant memory.

When you write, I understand completely what you are saying. I have triggers. I know I have triggers but yet when things happen, I find it very difficult to control my PTSD symptoms.

HUgs,
Gloria

 

[anni]

Oi! Yes, that guy sounds like trouble no matter what. Maybe treat him like you did the flasher right off the bat- should take care of things pretty quickly. Hee- I don't know what I'd do if confonted with a flasher but have always, always suspected a knee-jerk, nervous laugh thing would happen. Seriously- you'd KNOW it was a kook of the first water- couldn't be all that dangerous because where's the weapon? Mine always always loved weapons.You don't hear of them doing much- just displaying their wares, so to speak. Anyway- think I'd flee of course but always suspected it would make me do a sort of 'OMG NO WAY LOOK HAHAHAHA' thing first. Also IEW. I mean, face it- if there were anything attractive in there it would be presented in a magazine, not hidden under some dirty old coat and forced on the unsuspecting.

I just hit something and made all the font enourmous, so had to start over. Also can't spell today so please excuse.
I'd hose those gigis down anyway in this dreck. They're just playing you up because they know you're a big softy. Horses know what they can get away with- vaseline those heels and have at it. Heat stroke comes on awfully quickly, plus if any of yours have light skin under the hair keep a good weather eye on sunburn if they're out all day in this. Your Arab ok- black prob unless some idiot polluted the gene pool.Still- just being a big buttinski but to heck with if they like it or not-our kids hated baths also but we cleaned their little backsides. Soak those big beasties several times a day, let them sulk! :)

T appointment in a couple so not thinking well. Hugs- and thanks Gloria. :)

Anni

 

[Gloria]

Thanks Anni,
I am paying my deposit ($200) I hope for my cruise that only costs $699 in 2113. At least I will keep focused on something positive in the future.

One reason (and there are so many) that I am so grateful to have my horses on my property is that Rosie (my gray Arabian) would get the most terrible sun burn on her snout. I would pay the stable boys to put sunscreen on her nose but she hated it. She also hated any aloe vera or anything that I tried to treat the sunburn with - too close to nose so the smell was too much. Thankfully, my horses have lots of shade in the paddocks with the huge tall oak trees and a 20 X 40 run in area that is cool and shaded. Rosie stays in the shade but Karma (chestnut) stays in the run in. He really hates the flies. I ordered another automatic aerosal fly dispenser for the run in but they are backordered and don't know when they will get it. There are absolutely no flies or mosquitos in my barn because I have the automatic sprayers at the both entrances.

Hope your therapist appointment went well. I have one on Friday but very nervous (typical of patients) because my therapist will be going on vacation next week. I go to for my psychiatric exam next Wednesday.

Good news is the adjuster came and gave me money to fix my farm. Now all I have to do is find a sober handyman in this area. I think sober handyman is an oxymoron. I had a guy install the front door.

HUgs,
Gloria

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Hi!
I LOVE how you handled the flasher! You have an awesome sense of humor, and you are a true fighter! I enjoy reading your posts, and hope the lawsuit ends with a win for you!
Have a blessed day!

 

[Gloria]

My therapist told me that my sense of humor is what kept me alive. One of my favorite sayings is "Life is a trajedy for those who feel but Life is a comedy to those who think". Believe it or not, my friend started teasing me for being such a bully that I had to go try to beat up three big police officers that each was twice my weight. She made laugh so hard. It is so ridiculous that these huge police officers that outweigh me by 100 lbs. would feel threatened by someone who is so tiny and frail and was sitting with my legs crossed on the ground. The thought of me attacking anyone is so ridiculous that it is funny! Me?? A lawbreaker? A troublemaker? I was smiling and being so nice to them and that's what really freaks me out. It will be over soon. Thank AK!!

 

[James B.]

Epic story, Gloria. Told with a lot of class, too. Well, glad for you it'll be over soon. Sorry you had to endure that.

 

[anni]

Desitin ( Desatin?) cream. It's a zinc oxide-doesn't smell too much plus the little buggers can't get it off very well. It also heals the sunburn while it protects. You can buy it in the baby section at CVS or whereever. It's white so not unsightly, although it's kind of sticky. Anyway- try that for this beastly sun and her poor little pink nose- works! I used to give up and use fly hoods, altho ot all of them will tolerate one. Just used to hose the bejeesis outa the big guys, that's all, in this dreck.Used the sweat scraper after then let them just enjoy being damp for a bit. You people are getting NAILED with the heat, oh my! You stay cool, also, my dear! I'll bet you're one of THOSE women, who go out working in it anyway, aren't you? Just be careful!

Do you have any immigrant populations where you are, if you're looking for a good handyman? I don't know if it's cultural or what, but my step daughter has found skilled, knowledgable, dependable craftsmen in her local Mexican community. Maybe it's because theirs is an older culture like ours used to be, where sons are raised to just plain KNOW things, you know? My husband loves it when we go there and there's some job they've been hired for- as well as they can with the language barrier they have a good old GUY talk about whatever it is- laying literally 2000 sq feet of tile or adding on the sun room or installing the new washer dryer. My husband just plain loves competant men and he says they've been perfectionists to the extreme. My daughter in law always is doing something to thier huge, huge house and my husband's eyes always light up when he sees the GUYS there.I think he's as happy to see them as he is the grandchildren! Very, very pleasant, also, again probably cultural.I don't think other societies have lost the whole 'pleasant' requirement when speaking to each other like we seem to have for the most part. If you have such a community in your area, and are having an awful time finding good craftsmen it's a good idea to check into this, anyway.

Back to the wars. Sigh.Much xo.

Anni

 

[Gloria]

There is a very high percentage of Mexicans in my area. I don't know how to contact them. When I put ads in the papers, the Mexicans don't answer the ads possibly because they can't read. I was very fond of the Mexican men that worked at the stables and I kept my horses at stables for years before buying my own place. I know they are very good people and always happy.

I have to take MMPI. I may start a thread to see if anyone else has every taken this. Apparently the police attorneys are going to send me a "slimeball" (as my lawyer described him) psychiatrist and I will be given the MMPI. Well, of course I looked up all I could find out about it. I read that lawyers hire psychiatrists to interpret the results in their favor so they could call me histrionic or a compulsive liar. I took a sample test on line which showed anxiety, physical problems, PTSD, depression but my score for honesty was right on the border. It's very difficult to answer questions. It asks questions about my family. My family is my sons but maybe I should include my estranged family whom I never see or talk to. Or my brother and sister who are dead? I am going to get a book on the test.

I also read on the internet that this test is used to discredit people. And I know that this particular attorney does not have a private practice but makes a living tesifying in court. So what is he going to do? Tell the truth or bend the truth to keep his client happy and keep his good reputation of testifying so that the person hiring him wins?

It just makes me more disgusted about this. I'm actually getting really bad nightmares again just thinking about having to talk about this to the psychiatrist. I am afraid of someone who is so knowledgable in psychiatry that he might label me and this is the first time in my life when I know I'm sane. I don't lose want to lose that