Sufferer Survivor Of Gun Violence

[cattsrangels2]

I know what you mean, Catts. Mind and body disconnection. Also, disconnection from people closest to me.

Sometimes when I lay down I set my alarm if I have to go away, it's close to med time or it is a short time to meal time (I'm diabetic). One reason for this is because of me dissociating. I lose all contact with the planet earth.

 

[Bodacious]

Oh my gosh I so have post it notes all over my house to remind me to take my medications. I even put them in a cabinet above my coffee pot because this veteran can not go one morning with a cup of Joe and every night I preset my coffee pot and there on the cabinet is a post it note "TAKE MEDS!" It works so I am going to keep doing it.

I dissociate with everything every day it seems like. I am trying to get better at it though.

 

[cattsrangels2]

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Oh my gosh I so have post it notes all over my house to remind me to take my medications. I even put them in a cabinet above my coffee pot because this veteran can not go one morning with a cup of Joe and every night I preset my coffee pot and there on the cabinet is a post it note "TAKE MEDS!" It works so I am going to keep doing it.

I dissociate with everything every day it seems like. I am trying to get better at it though.

I put my day's meds in a little container. That way I know if a med is missing I took it.
I get so angry at my cats. One is a crazy kitten and one is loud when he pounces on her. I am getting better with dealing with it. They have been my little comforters too.

 

[LhasaLover]

Hi, I have PTSD and have gone through a traumatic experience(s) recently and have had the same experiences... I would wake up and think I am back physically at terrifying place, different triggers would send me back. I even identified one of my abuser's voice as the origin of self-loathing. That tripped me way out, but apparently that is different from actually "hearing voices". When I was first diagnosed, I swear I if I could have jumped out of my skin I would have. There was a traumatic event that led me to my PTSD diagnosis a year and a half ago. I have gotten in the habit as suggested by my therapist of being, or constantly striving to be, mindful. Every hour I need to get a fresh glass of water and take inventory of where I am at. Mediation and exercise help. Having read the Bourne Anxiety Workbook and studying Cognitive Behavioral Therapy prior to my PTSD diagnosis, I made lists of things to do should anxiety/panic/ a full blown PTSD episode should occur to switch my mindset. A regular schedule with activities that are low stress and enjoyable. It is just terrifying to have your mind playing tricks on you, I feared I would be losing my mind sometimes at the onset of acute symptoms. My heart goes out to you. Pets help with PTSD big time. You are experiencing a normal reaction to something completely abnormal.

 

[cattsrangels2]

I want to spend more time cuddling with my cats. I guess that would be a mindful exercise but it would also help them. One time I dreamed I was in Philadelphia, a very gun violent city. I couldn't find a way home so I started walking. I walked into a bad neighborhood when two guys ran by me. One ran past me while another looked at me with a gun in his hand. It was as if I was there. I live an hour from Philly so it's no surprise they would be on my mind but why the dream. Even after I woke up I couldn't shake it off.

 

[safenow]

I lose all contact with the planet earth.

Check out this article that was shared with me tonight. I think you might find some interesting facts that can explain it for you. http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/dissociation.html

I share with you, this is the first time I've ever seen a professional say it just like it really is, and put it into words that any layperson can understand.

Safe hugs, cattsrangels2. (If you'll allow them.)

 

[cattsrangels2]

Question. Recently I had a feeling with a very strong visual of the one shooter. It wasn't a day mare or flashback. I didn't know what to make of it. It felt like some kind of premonition. I talked to my therapist about it. She had a premonition once herself. She told me that given my circumstances, who he is and what he is capable of I should heed this as a warning. I stopped locking my storm doors for a while but have started again. I am a bit more cautious again. My question is this. I don't want to live in fear so where do you draw the line between fear and caution? I also found out my address was on the white pages site. I removed it. I am not into his lifestyle so I never see him. I do live a very short distance from where this happened. I can't move right now so I have to do what I can where I am at.

 

[LhasaLover]

Hi Catsrangel,

I read the following and was wondering, do you know the shooter?

I am not into his lifestyle so I never see him. I do live a very short distance from where this happened. I can't move right now so I have to do what I can where I am at.

I am not one for premonitions only because everyone in my family claimed to have them and be psychic and I am rather logical. However, I do think there was be some confusion until you find the right balance while working things out what is a rational fear and what is not. I for one lived in the city for years and always played it safe. Locked windows with safety's when they were open... dead bolted door, that kind of thing. I feel so much for you but it's ok not to have all the answers after you went through something like this. Do what you have to do to feel safe and heal. If you feel better locking the storm door, so be it. Are you seeing a therapist or getting support elsewhere?

 

[cattsrangels2]

Maybe premonition was the wrong word. In other words intuition or feeling. I don't believe in mind reading. This is more like a strong gut feeling. I do see a therapist. She has had a feeling/ intuition in her life once as well

 

[LhasaLover]

Hi Cattsrangels2,

I certainly believe in intuition and really at a time like this it is best to be safe. It's awesome that you have a therapist (sorry, I should have noticed that, I must be tired) and are doing as well as you are. It's going to get better slowly, I know how much doubt is raised when acute symptoms of PTSD flare up. You are having a normal reaction to something very frightening. Instead of doubting yourself, maybe focus on doing whatever it is your subconscious or intuition tells you to do and take care. As each day passes you will feel more and more confident. xx.

 

[cattsrangels2]

Most shootings happen in that city at night so I felt a little secure in the day. This happened in the afternoon. It destroyed any sense of security I had left plus it happened when I was awake so I heard the whole thing. Each and every bullet. One of the hardest parts is people who don't understand thinking I am just paranoid. I'm not. This guy is a violent drug dealer. One of the favorite past times in that city is retaliation. I made the mistake of going into the parking lot with my phone that day. Countless people were standing around. I didn't know where the shots came from at first. I wanted to make sure no one was hurt. If someone was then I had my phone. In any case I want to focus on getting well now.

 

[safenow]

I don't want to live in fear so where do you draw the line between fear and caution?

Fear makes you not leave your home, ever. Fear makes you so paranoid you can't even walk around in your own home with curtains open. Caution means you lock doors and windows, and make sure you don't go where you know danger is lurking.

I'd say you are using caution, and keeping yourself safe. Good job.

I lived in fear many years. My ex was not just a violent man, he was a paid killer who enjoyed his job. For many years I had to move around a lot to stay safe from him. Because he let it be known he would pay anyone who "eliminated" me, a lot of innocent people got hurt. One year a gas station was blown up because I was there getting gas. A young woman was standing in the door way, when they shot at me, missed and hit her. I carried around the guilt of that for a long long time. I am glad he is now dead, so I can stop worrying about him.

But I know in many neighborhoods, especially those where drugs and drive-by' are a way of life, fear is just a way of life. I ended up moving a couple of times because of that problem. My heart goes out to you. I do hope you'll be able to stay safe and be able to get enough sleep to stay healthy. You are doing the right things, so keep up the good work.