Sufferer Survivor of parental abuse & social trauma

[Ellen Francis]

Hi, call me Ellen. It's a pseudonym but I like it that way.
I'm a lifelong (childhood & present day) survivor of verbal, emotional, psychological, & (until age 13) some physical abuse by my parents. I'm also a survivor of lifelong social trauma & bullying. I'm ("high-functioning") autistic & people tend to treat me different & bully me when they can tell I'm different, even if they don't know exactly why I'm different. I also have diagnoses of Bipolar 1, OCD (Pure-O & Dermatillomania), severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder, & more.

My realizations about the abuse from my parents really only came to me this past January 2018, when the verbal, emotional, & psychological abuse revved up in frequency. I consider myself brant new to my C-PTSD diagnosis & am still learning a whole lot about trauma, C-PTSD, & how it all effects me & displays itself in me. From what I've learned so far, a LOT of my behaviors & tendencies (much more so than I ever would have thought) are because of my CPTSD. I will say this: I kind of feel like the lone-CPTSD-er in a way b/c 1) none of my trauma is sexual in nature & 2) b/c a large part of my trauma stems from my parents & their abuse (vs being from specific other people/a specific other person). Thanks.

 

[GinaD]

Hi, call me Ellen. It's a pseudonym but I like it that way.
I'm a lifelong (childhood & present...

I feel like I just read my past as if you were writing for me I have always thought I was different than anyone else but in the first 5 minutes of being here I don't feel alone

 

[DharmaGirl]

So your therapist gave the the diagnosis of C-PTSD? Did he/she reconsider the bipolar? I have been diagnosed twice with Bipolar, however it was decided by other P-docs and T-docs that is was the c-PTSD causing all the symptoms. Welcome to the forum! There's a lot to learn, a lot of support to give and receive, and friends to be made, if you feel safe. I hope to see you on the boards.

Welcome to you too, @Dawnw, I hope to see you too.

Namaste, Dharmagirl.

 

[Ellen Francis]

@DharmaGirl - I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with rapid cycling & mixed features after being admitted inpatient psych 2.5 years ago for a manic episode. Personally, I feel the bipolar diagnosis fits & is separate from my C-PTSD. Neither my therapist nor my psychiatrist have re-considered the Bipolar diagnosis. But bipolar & BPD run in my family (mom's cousin has them).

 

[GinaD]

So your therapist gave the the diagnosis of C-PTSD? Did he/she reconsider the bipolar? I have been d...

I have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar borderline personality today is the first time I was diagnosed with this and just reading some different posts I feel like I am finally in the right place

 

[Ellen Francis]

My current therapist doesn't specialize in trauma, but my eating disorder therapist (whom I'm seeing for a few recovery tune-up sessions) has an EMDR therapist she really wants me to see (if my parents will ever allow me to try EMDR...they're against it currently b/c they think the only "trauma" I have was being bulled in 6th grade...I'm 23 now).

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

Having no sexual abuse doesn’t make you unique in the CPTSD world.

Having been abused by your parents most definitely does not make you unique in the CPTSD world. (I’m kind of surprised that you somehow got the impression that the vast majority with CPTSD haven’t been abused by their parents.)

If anything, I think you’ll find quite a few people here who have CPTSD with abuse by their parents that was not sexual in nature.

 

[Ellen Francis]

@EveHarrington - Thank you <3 It's amazing what I'm discovering that is most likely linked to a PTSD or general trauma response. For example: the more someone ignores me or doesn't talk to me, the more I want to talk to them (that's a watered-down version but you get it), I use some of my most personal information to "test out" new people & see if they run from the info vs sticking around (even though I have some trust issues, I use massively-personal info to weed out people), etc. I thought those were all just personality/character flaws up until yesterday!

 

[DharmaGirl]

Well I'm glad you're both here and feel good about the place. It is a great forum.

 

[jmad]

Hello, and welcome to the forum. It is great place to be.

 

[Daydreamer]

Hi Ellen, it's nice to meet you. I am also brand new here and I can relate to some parts of your experience - abuse from a parent.
Sorry for all you went/are still going through.
All the best for you on your way out of this.

 

[DharmaGirl]

@Ellen Francis, thank God you don't have sexual abuse on top of everything else! As Eve says, it's not a requirement and enough trauma is enough. We don't compare traumas here, you are here, we will support you!