Symptoms

[Razorback]

I've noticed a much more sensitive sense of smell. Before, nothing bothered me as far as smells go. Now, if someone in the office is wearing certain perfumes it can cause headaches, nausea, and stress. I've had a lot of issues with one of my student workers. They feel offended when I tell them they can't wear that perfume to work anymore. Get over it!

Can't stand people crowding me or leaning against me. Work clothes make me feel restricted, but that is because I have to dress up. I find I forget a lot. Got in the car one day and had trouble remembering which side of the road I'm supposed to be on.

Oh well, I'm sure there is more.

I certainly can't stand loud crowds. Church semi-okay. A seat in the back helps and the only real stress is the beginning and end. Local baseball team's game? Not a chance.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey mate, I have never really thought about smell. I can never get certain smells or memories of smells from my nose, but if you ask my boy, he reckons I have a super sense of smell. I used to smell something off and get my boy to check the fridge. He could smell nothing. I could find it though. I also hate crowds because of smells.
Its actually a grounding technique I use. When you get anxious, try and find four or five different smells.

 

[Sarg]

Smell of burnt JP4, for me. C-130 had a black, thick exhaust of JP4. Had to stand in it a lot off loading troops and such. I get around the smell of a diesel bus and it makes me sick to my stomach. Wierd.

Sarg

 

[Londonacquisition]

For me I had not made a connection between smells and my flashbacks. The biggest problem I have with finding the triggers is my runnin thoughts. I need to say one thing I am very grateful for is having the state take away my gun. I was inpatient at a mental hospital called Aurora. I takes a lot for me no to throw stuff at my hallucinations. If I had gun I would probably be driving around with I and carrying it around. I have been deemed mentally incompetent. I don carry anything that could be considered a weapon. Not even a small knife. I don't trust myself.I am going to call the VA tomorrow. The las time I called about myVA claim they said that it was ready for a a decisin. I wonder wheneverthey. Will mail me the decision. I don't feel safe anywhere. And my physical pain keeps me indoors. I mis the war zone so much. It is so strange how I miss it so much. I mus ly brothers ald sister in arms. Specially the dead ones. My mind is so broken. Many times I say things that I would never say spacialy when I am angry. I don't like to show ly anger. I have come to realize that that makes my anxiety go up. The crods and everything else is bad enough.

 

[Londonacquisition]

For the past 2 days i have been sleeping very well. It is such a huge releive. I have been using this software on my iPhone . I put it on ocean or thunther and I listen to it while I sleep. I have noticed that my nightmars are not waking me up the way that they use to. I am hoping that I coninues. I have also cOme to realize that my psychical pain is more then my anxiety when I go into anflashback. Ihave also come to realize that staying away fr people and crowds is the safest way to go. Atleast in my home all I have to do is just check my locks a good 3times an day and look outside he window a good 2 times a day. I can better manage my flashbacks betrr at home of course there have been many times where I just can handle them and I hav to reach out for medical help. Like 911 d the soldier suicide hotline. Myousing tells me what the operatives tell him. They make promises and pay him for what he does. He has told me that he needs the money so I have decided to play the game. I am not a vielonet guy indent get nary. It takes a lot for me to do that. The losses are to great for me to lose my cool. I do get aggrivated easily because sonmany things startle me easily so hat I do to calm me down I twis a part of my body until the pain is more than my anger. I don't knownwhat else to do and believe it or no but it works. I can tale the chance of going back go square one. If I do I have decided to just commit suicide. It would be the best Jin for me to do. I just wish operatives could know d undrstanf that. In my religion it is death before dishoner. When I get experimented on I just lose so much . If I manwrong about anything I wish my real medical providers would just tell me and help me understand. I would not get angry. I just want to understand. Today is a good day. I had a good night sleep. What worries me is that there are new traumas that come out of nowhere. Wow!!! I though I was done seeing all of the traumas but I guess I was wrong. I am hoping I am well enough to go to Colege in august 2011 . Then in jaunty I want tong to Madrid Spain. See my family there. Hey are rally cool. Of I tell them that I can't Erik because inam on medication then they will understand. They are really cool. None of them use drugs. So I don't have to worry about that. They are alittl crazy. They love racing cars. Not me I told them I am not willing to take he chance about beingin a car crash. So I just watch. Because elf my PTSD I am jus going to have to skip the races. But I am happy just hanging around.

 

[Fargo1]

The smell of salt water and immersed bodies. I am not sure why, but patchouli oil triggers it. Which is a problem here in Berkeley. Damn granola crunching trustafarians. TAKE A BATH!

 

[Fargo1]

Ok, how is this for f*cked up? After writing my last post I remembered a fight I had with T multiple times: I use the same towel for 3 days to a week. She would take the towel and it would piss me off. Send me right through the roof. She would tell me that it smelled. I said that it didn't...

I just got up and smelled my towel. It smelled. So has my brain shut down my recognition of smells over this?

So I called T up, she didn't answer of course, and I left a message describing this conversation and my experience. Guess what? She called me back! She is going to go to my therapist with me and try to work things out.

A f*cking smelly towel...who woulda guessed?

 

[Londonacquisition]

I am happy to say that I have been less paranoid lately and I hope it coninues. Reading these posts let's me know I am not the only soldier. I am not alone in this. For about 7 days now I have been sleeping better. I have been trying to leave the home more and more. It's not easy but I am trying. It seems to be working. Paranoia is a bad thing. I have been paranoid for a lolg time. I think maybe 4 or so months. Vein to afraid to leave the home, I don't leave te home. Lately for about 9 days or so I have been feeling berger. Still hyper vigilant,but beig able tonsleep better really helps.

 

[Fargo1]

L,

Glad to hear that things are going better for you man. You are not the only one. At the barest minimum we are here in words if not in person. Hang in there bud.

 

[Jimmy1]

Fargo, if you patch things up and therapy works, you will have to move that post to funniest anger moment.

Sorry, it might just be my sick and twisted mind.

 

[Fargo1]

Jimmy,

You are correct sir. It is pretty damn funny, I don't care who you ask!

 

[Londonacquisition]

I just had to get on this forum this morning. I slipped very well. The nightmares did not wake me up and I am happy to say that I am not paranoid as most days. I checked my locks only once so far but for sme reason do nOt think there is someone outside waiting for me like an operative ready to f*ck me over or do something bad to me. I am energized. Well not energized, but less stressed. I still have that numbness to life. But the best part is not being paranoid. I feel so relieved. Yesterday I had an appointment with mr. Mihas. I had a medication adjustment. Mainly more serequil. I got enough. I take the dosage that says in the bottle and the rest as needed. After talking to mr mihas I have come to realize that he paranoia I have been experiencing has made me very angry more then usual and has even made me think that my own family member and friends were trying to ruin my life and make me worse. That is not true. No one is trying to get me institutionalized or put me in jail. I feel like such an idiot for thinking that. Yesterday I looked at possible classes when ingot to college in august. I have a huge problem with my racing thoughts. That is why I am as quiet as can be and don't make any noise or take on to much. I have noticed that during the racing thoughts the frustration make me angry. That just makes situations worse. The last time is went to college I had to drop out. I started with 3 classes and within 1 month or so I demoed all of them because I couldn't manage the flashbacks. Of course the hallucinations were the worse. Seeing dead people in the front of the class hearing soldiers tailing toneach other. They would tak to each other . Say things like "mount the f*ck up we are going to be late for SP!! The anxiety was just to much even with the medications.now that I am more more stable inthink I will do better. What worries me is when I take tests thats when the anxiety comes. But I am optimistic. I see now why the Meds need to be adjusted as time goes by.