T Might Be Leaving...

[Chosen]

My T and I've had lots of ups and downs over the last few years (3.5 years), but I really like him, and we get along pretty darn well.

But...he's applied for a different uni job, which if he gets it, means that we're done. For good. I'm terrified. I graduate next year (May 2015), and I really need him for this next year. I'm so scared to lose him. It takes me forever to trust someone, and I just know there's no way that I'll trust another T the way I trust this one--nor will we connect like this T and I have.

Anyone have any ideas how to get through this? He had an interview today, which he felt didn't go that well, and he'll know next week if he gets a 2nd interview or the job. He told me he'll e-mail me as soon as he knows. I'm so scared. I don't want to lose him. Heck, if he gets the job, I'd nearly be willing to transfer to that uni but it doesn't grant bachelor degrees which is what I need to go to seminary next year after graduation.

Gah. I HATE this. I don't want to lose him until I'm the one leaving. :( :( :(

The one smallllllllllll glimmer of good is that if he doesn't get the job, I'm thoroughly galvanized to go deeper than I've ever gone before and to really work out things in the final year I'd have him. Oh, how I pray that he doesn't get the job.

 

[Pencil]

You might get one who does hugs ....

 

[Chosen]

I will, surprisingly, gladly give up hope for hugs to keep the T I have. It's just one year before I move to a larger area (possibly Seattle, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Boston, or Chicago) where there's a huge amount of T's to choose from, and I'm guessing one of them might offer hugs. But right now, I need familiarity and the T I've been with for 3.5 years....he's gotten me thru so many suicidal crises and horrid things. This is so hard! I need to stop worrying about it, but not knowing is killing me! I can't wait til next week when I know better what's going on.

 

[joeylittle]

The one smallllllllllll glimmer of good is that if he doesn't get the job, I'm thoroughly galvanized to go deeper than I've ever gone before and to really work out things in the final year I'd have him.

Hold on to this thought. Because regardless of the job or no, digging in and doing the work is always worth it.

And you might learn you are stronger than you think.