I'm really shaken up after my session with my T today. We talked about the serious dissociation incident I had about 1.5 weeks ago where I "woke up" having sex with a random guy I didn't know. [Side note: got tested, and I didn't get anything nasty from the guy. Now to wait until I can take a pregnancy test.] I emailed her about it in detail last week, and we spent the majority of today talking about it. She actually brought it up right when I sat down, normally we chat a bit about minor day-to-day stuff that happened between sessions, not today. T brought up my dissociation again, about how she had me do this dissociation scoring test thing the first time I went to see her (almost 2 years ago now), and how I answered the question "do you lose chunks of time, find things you bought but don't remember purchasing, or meet people that seem to already know you" as no it has never happened. We talked about that and how that has obviously changed since then, this is the first time that I'm aware of something like this happening.
T asked if I knew what DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) was and I sort of do (lived with someone who had it), she went on to explain it a bit more. T then came out and said she thinks it is very possible that I have DID. She went on to explain her reasoning behind it, I sat there quietly and started to cry. She said if this is the case, she wants to make sure that I understand and feel like her office is a safe place so that those parts can come out and integrate. She actually spent a lot of time reassuring me that while I am in her office nothing bad will happen to me, that no one will harm me, that she will make sure of that. It's really rare that T goes to those lengths to reassure me I'm safe with her, I can count on one hand the number of times in almost two years that she has reassured me to that extent (beyond saying her office is a safe place).
I'm really upset that she thinks I might have DID, I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with that possibility. She gave me a book to keep and read about dissociation and different forms of it. She also asked me to keep track of any more incidents where I lose chunks of time, or I don't remember meeting someone, etc. She asked me to bring that up with her if and/or when it happens. All I want to do is crawl in a hole. I never thought DID was a possibility, actually I've been quite defensive and adamant up until this point that this is impossible. I don't want it to be true, I understand T's reasoning behind why she thinks this might be the case with me though.
T also really made sure I was present before I left today, normally if I dissociate in her office she just makes sure that I respond so we can book another appointment, and I guess watches to see if my breathing is more normal. Today was different, T tried to help ground me at the end so I could book an appointment for next week, but before she would let me leave when I was at her office door she started asking me a whole bunch of questions - where I was (her office), where I was going after I left her office, and how I was getting home. She made me repeat myself a couple of times before she opened her door. How do I come to terms with this? Where do I go from here? I feel lost, scared, and really detached right now.
T asked if I knew what DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) was and I sort of do (lived with someone who had it), she went on to explain it a bit more. T then came out and said she thinks it is very possible that I have DID. She went on to explain her reasoning behind it, I sat there quietly and started to cry. She said if this is the case, she wants to make sure that I understand and feel like her office is a safe place so that those parts can come out and integrate. She actually spent a lot of time reassuring me that while I am in her office nothing bad will happen to me, that no one will harm me, that she will make sure of that. It's really rare that T goes to those lengths to reassure me I'm safe with her, I can count on one hand the number of times in almost two years that she has reassured me to that extent (beyond saying her office is a safe place).
I'm really upset that she thinks I might have DID, I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with that possibility. She gave me a book to keep and read about dissociation and different forms of it. She also asked me to keep track of any more incidents where I lose chunks of time, or I don't remember meeting someone, etc. She asked me to bring that up with her if and/or when it happens. All I want to do is crawl in a hole. I never thought DID was a possibility, actually I've been quite defensive and adamant up until this point that this is impossible. I don't want it to be true, I understand T's reasoning behind why she thinks this might be the case with me though.
T also really made sure I was present before I left today, normally if I dissociate in her office she just makes sure that I respond so we can book another appointment, and I guess watches to see if my breathing is more normal. Today was different, T tried to help ground me at the end so I could book an appointment for next week, but before she would let me leave when I was at her office door she started asking me a whole bunch of questions - where I was (her office), where I was going after I left her office, and how I was getting home. She made me repeat myself a couple of times before she opened her door. How do I come to terms with this? Where do I go from here? I feel lost, scared, and really detached right now.