General Tackle Hypervigilance Club

[Deleted member 28812]

My new years resolution is to tackle things instead complaining about them.
My husband has PTSD and is hypervigilant, this involves mostly crowds, dirt, germs, people who are late or disorganized. People who don't call when they are supposed to.

I don't have PTSD but sometimes I think I have mild "secondary PTSD" because of living with a guy who has it. I feel watchful in a way I did not before being with him and I think I do have hypervigilance which centers around the same fears my guy habours.

I get stressed when somebody does not call when he or she is supposed to and so on.

I would like to use this thread as a "club" for people who want to tackle their hypervigilance or that of a loved one and hope some of you would like to join in.

We could discuss our success, helpful books and so on.

 

[chicken sammich]

Hi. You describe exactly how I have been feeling as of late. Dating a Marine with PTSD has made me very aware of my empathy for him, and I was starting to mimic some of his ways, such as hyper vigilance. He is very tall and can see above most people to scan rooms and places with numerous people. I on the other hand, can see much less in my 5'2" stature ha ha. I am stressed at the moment, for I haven't heard from him this morning as I usually would. So I am just staying calm and staying busy, and staying positive that he will contact me soon. Thanks for this club. I will join. xo :)

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I am happy you want to join.

Same here. My husband is pretty big and I am small and should have much less reason to stress than me... and if that big guy is stressed it feels a bit scary for me small person.

Should we give our club a few rules such as "no negative thinking allowed". I really want to keep it as positive as possible. would you agree on that rule or do you have a suggestion for other rules?

 

[chicken sammich]

I feel so safe with him. He has never exhibited "scary" I'm happy to say. But because of our height distance and his constantly on the lookout, topped with his hearing deafness from all of the bang bang noises during his career, I have to either look at him directly for him to hear me or speak loudly. We are quite a pair. But it works. I adore him so much.
I think it is okay for someone to present a problem they need to work through, but it certainly shouldn't be a bashing arena for the things that we go through with our significant others (s.o.)

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I think it is okay for someone to present a problem they need to work through, but it certainly shouldn't be a bashing arena for the things that we go through with our significant others (s.o.)

That's what I wanted to say. This thread would be pretty useless if we wouldn't be able to discuss problems but we should not use it to bitch and feel sorry for ourselves.
I do notice when my husband is stressed and I feel a bit unsafe then not because I am worried that he will do anything to me - don't get me wrong... because the situation feels unsafe.

He had a panic attack when we were im a situation involving a crowd including people behind him which he hates and a jackhammer. That gave me a "fear" of jackhammers. Pretty crazy, eh? Fear might be to strong a word. I feel jumpy around them. I know that this sound pretty silly.

Do you have any goals? Mine would be to combat the hypervigilance when somebody does not call or when I am made wait in a line and also to beat that jumpiness when faced with a jackhammer.

I am trying some tricks from CBT - basically "feel the fear (or uneasiness in this case) and do it anyway".and thinking of other things.

I also have a goal for my husband: Go to a restaurant with him. This may be difficult to achieve.

 

[Mr Man]

Hallo Lemontree, I've used CBT a bit and found it very helpful. I find the more stressed/fearfull I am the more hypervigelant. I work in a shop and we had problems with kids punching the window to get us to jump (workes well with me). The window cost over £2000 to replace and would wobble when they hit it, they also only did it when one person was in (so you could not go after them). Also in this country, you just don't have a go at under 16's for feer of reprisals, so we also felt powerless. This ran for over a year, and we sorted it out by visiting their school and complaining. But what I realised was, if I wasn't stressed, I didn't jump. Also the minute I realised we weren't powerless, the was no fear. They actually came around with chocolates and a big card to say sorry, I realised they didn't even have evil intent. But then my PTSD is brought on by Narcisstic behavior, and kids are naturally narcisstic.

I have to say, my wife realy doen't know how to help with PTSD, so kind of leaves me to it. Partly because I've normally been the one that supports, so it's great to hear you're helping your man.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm going to say this seeing as how its posted in the sufferer forums. If it were in the supporter forums, I would back out and leave it alone.

I honestly think you completely misunderstand the issue of hypervigilance. I have yet to find something that tackles it. My nervous system is so FRIED that there really isn't much I can do to move out of hyper-alert mode.

Thus, hypervigilance for a PTSD sufferer can be very much a physical thing, whereas for a supporter its not a physical thing, more a mental construct.

 

[Ronin]

Yeah, I think there's quite a bit of misunderstanding of the terms, and what it means in different bodies & with different experiences.

Alertness or attention to possible risks or even mild level of anxiety about this or that, simple watchfulness, aren't hypervigilance. They don't produce nearly the same physiological effects. They're not life numbing the same way. They're not something that people can't shut the hell off even if they'd so much want to or need to at the moment and the like.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I am sorry that you experience it like this.

In the case of my husband it is not that bad. May be it depends on the kind of trauma. My husband does have combat PTSD. Maybe it is different witch PTSD dating back to your childhood, involving different types of trauma.

My husband has already been able to successfully tackle his hypervigilance centering around some things. Like I said he is afraid of dirt and germs and that made it difficult for him to take the trash out not only did he feel he was in "mortal danger" but also did he have ideas about being contaminated and not being able to touch the family then and of contaminating things if he accidently touched them with the bag. His idea was that people who take out the trash aren't allowed the slightest mistake or everybody will get very sick.

I had to take the trash out for a while and make sure I made absolutely no mistake because every little mistake could result in contamination... but doing CBT my husband had to touch trash... repeatedly the times he had to endure this getting longer and longer. That was so bad for him, pure horror... but now that he has done this he is able to take out the trash again.

Unfortunately he still has some hypervigilance centering around other kinds of dirt and germs.

I have met people who have been successfully able to tackle their fears around crowded places. My husbands fear is to take his family to a place like this.There are certain tricks. I met a guy who - whenever he needed to go a crowded place - took his time to look at the plans of the place, learn where the exits are and so on and then he went and took his family.

Letting the sufferer choose his seat is also helpful.There might be more tricks which I am not aware of yet.

My husband wants to tackle this

 

[Ronin]

Nothing personal in what I said. Thank you for sympathies but I wasn't in fact talking about myself, or anyone in particular for that matter; I was talking about the experience of hypervigilance being qualitatively different to what you're describing about yourself, or at least it seeming so from the way the post has been phrased, and agreeing with previous poster on her pointing out it's different.

With all respect, I'd refrain from stating how experience of your husband is from observing his behavior. You are not *him*, you can't compare even remotely and you have also no way of knowing how he feels; furthermore, even where he shares how he feels, verbalizing isn't necessarily correctly relaying how experiencing the thing goes, it's looking for closest equivalent in a language someone who's not him may understand.

Please note: None of this is criticizing your willingness to help or the support you provide for your husband, they're suggestions as to conclusions you appear to be making about someone else's behavior & experiencing that you may wish to think on.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I am sorry if anything I said offended you.
I never claimed I experienced exactly what my husband did.

I said I felt hypervigilant at times and that it was most likely milder than what my husband felt.

You are not *him*, you can't compare even remotely and you have also no way of knowing how he feels; furthermore, even where he shares how he feels, verbalizing isn't necessarily correctly relaying how experiencing the thing goes, it's looking for closest equivalent in a language someone who's not him may understand.

... and you are not me and don't know what I am feeling or experiencing. My husband has no trouble with me calling it hypervigilance and he has no trouble with me saying hypervigilance can be tackled.
I am just talking about me and my guy here, trying to find something that works for us.

If my husband habours a fear I start asking myself if the fear is justified and if I see his scared reaction I am starting to feel scared too.

If that would be better I could stop calling it hypervigilance though I actually think that's what it is but I don't want to be offensive.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Hypervigilance in my definition = Being more watchful than needed. Can be severe or mild, mine is mild - his is more severe.