Dear Jaynis, welcome. :)
This is probably the most poorly-expressed post I've ever written, as it is very difficult for me to even quite 'grasp' what I want to say, so I'm not sure this will be of help.
The others are correct, as regards her getting professional help, and for you realizing she has to be the one to commit to dealing with this, and that you must take care of yourself.
And I am guessing you meant 'interdependent' more so than 'co-dependent'.
But something you've said- I can't quite put my finger on it- is very, very right: that you didn't/ don't try to control her, but 'that you just talked to her', and her feeling better a few days. I think you are correct in her seeing something differently if it lasted 2 days, and she was happy, and had a decrease in symptoms. Hopefully '2 days' can turn into 'more days'.
She needs concrete healthy ways to deal with the thoughts and emotions that drive the SI, whether that's through a therapist or learning on her own. (But she has to be the one to apply them, too).
I can empathize with her not feeling able to open up to a stranger, and even worse yet not being able to find a 'way' (line of communication) in which to do so. That may be part of her abhorrence, or fear, some accurately-based, some not. It may require her to 'bottom out', or it may not be as effective for her as one would hope- it also all depends on the timing, too. One is probably more likely to seek help and make healthy choices when they feel they actually have some worth.
Also important, or you would not have seen any 'break' in her feeling that way, has to be something you said or did, or she would not have felt better. I'm sorry- I just don't know how to explain it, except to say it requires some change of thinking on her part (*that she could relate to or adopt as her own, or 'believe'), or it simply wouldn't have been effective.
I think we all want a straight-route to healing; some 'recipe' or roadmap that says 'A-> B-> C', etc, only to find some therapists are awful (others terrific), sometimes there is progress, sometimes huge setbacks in our lives. However, the strange way life works, sometimes I've seen (and experienced) people receiving more 'help' or 'motivation' through their pets, or children, or experiences with people they love and things they love to do, than sometimes 'conventional' methods. 'Forgiveness' and 'acceptance', too, mean a lot, because 'we see ourselves through others' eyes and feedback'. I wholly-believe in changing but that's harder to do I think when one cannot accept themselves in the present (and 'change' is slow or uncertain).
I am sorry this is so long- what I mean is, I don't hear you saying she 'should be' this way or that, or expressing frustration she doesn't respond as you would hope or 'expect', or that there is something 'wrong' with the fact she doesn't. I hear you say (and describe) 'progress'. So I don't think you're thinking you are 'being a therapist', I think you are accepting her (and things) as they are.
I DO hear you say, as regards the SI, 'what else can be done'? -Not much, if she won't face it. Does that mean you should live in fear? I would say 'no' because ultimately we are all responsible for our own choices. I think, too, it would undermine the freedom you give her to be herself. If you become more concerned, you can only express that and go from there. SI unfortunately is very common with ptsd. But at least she had one experience (with your help) that enabled her to work through those feelings and come out better for it on the other end; hopefully she can use that to help her next time those feelings occur. And anything that helps one have more self-acceptance, more ability to recognize, acknowledge, process and accept feelings (and carry on), (and/ or) to feel like less of a burden or somehow (still) 'redeemable-as-is', I believe is more life-affirming and likelier to produce more courage or strength to live (and face the ptsd 'demons').
You sound compassionate and very wise for your age. Be sure to reach out for all the support you can get for yourself, and feel free to leave or take any of this as you wish, it's JMHO and only one at that. But I have to say, if she feels better about herself, or more equipped to face another day, you've helped her already, and whatever you are doing has something right about it. But take care of yourself. It's terribly difficult to stand by anyone in their pain.
Best wishes to you.
This is probably the most poorly-expressed post I've ever written, as it is very difficult for me to even quite 'grasp' what I want to say, so I'm not sure this will be of help.
The others are correct, as regards her getting professional help, and for you realizing she has to be the one to commit to dealing with this, and that you must take care of yourself.
And I am guessing you meant 'interdependent' more so than 'co-dependent'.
But something you've said- I can't quite put my finger on it- is very, very right: that you didn't/ don't try to control her, but 'that you just talked to her', and her feeling better a few days. I think you are correct in her seeing something differently if it lasted 2 days, and she was happy, and had a decrease in symptoms. Hopefully '2 days' can turn into 'more days'.
She needs concrete healthy ways to deal with the thoughts and emotions that drive the SI, whether that's through a therapist or learning on her own. (But she has to be the one to apply them, too).
I can empathize with her not feeling able to open up to a stranger, and even worse yet not being able to find a 'way' (line of communication) in which to do so. That may be part of her abhorrence, or fear, some accurately-based, some not. It may require her to 'bottom out', or it may not be as effective for her as one would hope- it also all depends on the timing, too. One is probably more likely to seek help and make healthy choices when they feel they actually have some worth.
Also important, or you would not have seen any 'break' in her feeling that way, has to be something you said or did, or she would not have felt better. I'm sorry- I just don't know how to explain it, except to say it requires some change of thinking on her part (*that she could relate to or adopt as her own, or 'believe'), or it simply wouldn't have been effective.
I think we all want a straight-route to healing; some 'recipe' or roadmap that says 'A-> B-> C', etc, only to find some therapists are awful (others terrific), sometimes there is progress, sometimes huge setbacks in our lives. However, the strange way life works, sometimes I've seen (and experienced) people receiving more 'help' or 'motivation' through their pets, or children, or experiences with people they love and things they love to do, than sometimes 'conventional' methods. 'Forgiveness' and 'acceptance', too, mean a lot, because 'we see ourselves through others' eyes and feedback'. I wholly-believe in changing but that's harder to do I think when one cannot accept themselves in the present (and 'change' is slow or uncertain).
I am sorry this is so long- what I mean is, I don't hear you saying she 'should be' this way or that, or expressing frustration she doesn't respond as you would hope or 'expect', or that there is something 'wrong' with the fact she doesn't. I hear you say (and describe) 'progress'. So I don't think you're thinking you are 'being a therapist', I think you are accepting her (and things) as they are.
I DO hear you say, as regards the SI, 'what else can be done'? -Not much, if she won't face it. Does that mean you should live in fear? I would say 'no' because ultimately we are all responsible for our own choices. I think, too, it would undermine the freedom you give her to be herself. If you become more concerned, you can only express that and go from there. SI unfortunately is very common with ptsd. But at least she had one experience (with your help) that enabled her to work through those feelings and come out better for it on the other end; hopefully she can use that to help her next time those feelings occur. And anything that helps one have more self-acceptance, more ability to recognize, acknowledge, process and accept feelings (and carry on), (and/ or) to feel like less of a burden or somehow (still) 'redeemable-as-is', I believe is more life-affirming and likelier to produce more courage or strength to live (and face the ptsd 'demons').
You sound compassionate and very wise for your age. Be sure to reach out for all the support you can get for yourself, and feel free to leave or take any of this as you wish, it's JMHO and only one at that. But I have to say, if she feels better about herself, or more equipped to face another day, you've helped her already, and whatever you are doing has something right about it. But take care of yourself. It's terribly difficult to stand by anyone in their pain.
Best wishes to you.
