Talked to the service dog lady

[desiderata310]

This is a big deal! Way to go!! I know you've been thinking about it and probably dreading it, so good for you..

So... I talked to the service dog lady today. That was.. ummm.. wow. I broke down and started crying on the phone. SERIOUSLY what is with the water works here lately?! I would sincerely like to turn the damn faucet OFF.

They are really just a group of folks who help people find resources. She herself has PTSD and a host of other things and has a service dog. She started telling me all the things that they can do and I pretty much lost it. Somewhere around when she started telling me how her service dog can stop her panic attacks I broke down and started bawling. I related the tale of my therapist's dog farting at the beginning of a flashback and bringing me back. Laughter through tears. Yeah.. ok. bizarre. She also talked about the convention they host and how different it feels to be around people who actually understand what is going on when you have a panic attack.

We must have talked for about 30 minutes all the while her husband was sitting patiently waiting for her to get off the phone with me.

She suggested I get a Whippet and is trying to find the info on the breeder who might have an adult dog who's trained but not a show dog who would be a good fit and she's going to help me find a trainer in the area to help me train a dog once I have found one. She even told me how to work around having a dog who is not a full service dog yet since I live in a place where finding ANYONE who will take pets is nigh on impossible.

As we talked she told me she's moving really close to me in the very near future.

All of this was pretty hard. She asked me if I had looked at the ADA definition of handicapped and did I meet the criteria: ie, does my disability impede normal life. I didn't know what to say. My therapist really seems to think so but I do a bunch of stuff that normal people do: I hold down a job- a high stress job, I take care of myself BY MYSELF... but then again I can't do simple things like go clothes shopping or sit through a therapy session.. so... I don't know. I wound up saying yes but feeling like a fraud.

I know that the last time my therapist and I talked about it he danced around the subject and was very non-commital. Doesn't really make me feel very good either way.

Very mixed bag of things. I am going to be looking up whippets tonight however.

 

[scout86]

Just FYI, when I saw that you'd quoted that, my first thought was, "Oh NO! I shouldn't have said that! She's really mad at me, I know she is, And she's been having such a hard time. And I just made it WORSE. OH NOOOooooo!" :bag:

(Glad to hear the phone call sounds kind of promising!)

 

[desiderata310]

my first thought was, "Oh NO! I shouldn't have said that! She's really mad at me, I know she is, And she's been having such a hard time. And I just made it WORSE. OH NOOOooooo!" :bag:

YAY PTSD!!!

 

[Kefira]

Thank you for posting this. I'm also in the early stages of pairing with a dog.

did I meet the criteria: ie, does my disability impede normal life. I didn't know what to say. My therapist really seems to think so but I do a bunch of stuff that normal people do

I really needed to hear I wasn’t the only one. Most of my stress around this has been convincing myself I need the help and I deserve the help.

 

[desiderata310]

@Kefira umm... yeah... that's pretty much exactly where I am...

 

[Kefira]

It's really hard. On the one hand I'm so good at hiding my disorder and minimizing it. On the other I desperately need the stability and support and I know I'm not functioning normally. Then again I feel like since I function at all I don't deserve the help, but in order for a service dog to work obviously you also have to be well enough to care for the dog well.

Such a mix of emotions and my therapist won't tell me his opinion strongly either way either.

 

[desiderata310]

The last time that we talked about this and I was angsting about it, my therapist talked about using resources and tools available to me to make my recovery easier. I know I was pretty upset at the time so I didn't catch everything but I got the gist of it: essentially that we had discovered, quite by accident, that the dog was a really great way to help me center, calm me down when gripped by anxiety and come back when triggered. He felt very strongly that this could be very important to my recovery.
I know he went on to talk about needing a wheelchair if I had broken legs... I don't know.

I function... sort of... but this isn't living.

 

[Seasounds]

Beautiful conversation with the lady. I'm happy for you.
It helped me see how a dog might be a good idea for me in the future. Your information started me wondering (please excuse my ignorance):

1. Can people just purchase trained dogs or train them themselves? (Have No idea of the length of their training or their price.)
2. I had some friends who took (or bought) dogs, that were trained for blind people, but for some reason, didn't work out. They were calming, etc.
3. Wonder if these dogs-for the blind, might be helpful, and/or if there are PTSD trained dogs, that don't work out, and are available, too?

 

[desiderata310]

@change
There's actually a lot of information out there about all of this but you have to dig a bit to find it. I'll share what I know so far.
The way I understand it, you can purchase trained dogs but it comes at a high price and is something that is usually done through foundations because, well, who has that kind of money?! I've been told that most people train their own service dogs usually with the assistance of a trainer.It helps with the bonding experience. You really want a dog to bond to you.

I am certain there are Service Dog users on this site who can speak more knowledgeably than I can about all of this but I'll share what I know.

There are dogs who "wash out" of service dog training for whatever reason. In the case of a seeing eye dog I can understand that something like hip dysplasia could make a dog unsuitable to be a service dog for seeing eye purposes but would still make an excellent Emotional Support Animal.

What I understand about all of this is that there are levels of both training and ... disability. ESA would be a well trained dog who supports you mostly at home but would be allowed to travel with you. The way it was explained to me is that an ESA is also a Service Dog in Training. There are restrictions on where they can go but in both cases, they are viewed by the Fair Housing Act as a durable medical device, just like a wheelchair.

A dog trained to assist someone with PTSD actually has to do a task that you can not perform yourself to mitigate your disability. So for instance, a Service Dog would be trained to do something... for instance: lick your hand until you gave a command if you were having a flashback or lead you out of a store if you had a panic attack. There's actually an impressive number of things they can be taught to do to assist you.

I don't think I would want a PTSD dog who had 'washed out' of that program to be my service dog. No factory seconds, thanks. Service Dogs, I think need to be unflappable, loyal to their partner, and a good canine citizen. I would want to know that my furry four legged companion really has my back.

That said, there's a website that I think someone here posted originally

Dead Link Removed
Which has been a huge help so far and hooked me up with the lady I spoke with today.

 

[Eleanor]

It's really hard. On the one hand I'm so good at hiding my disorder and minimizing it. On the other I desperately need the stability and support and I know I'm not functioning normally. Then again I feel like since I function at all I don't deserve the help...

Such a mix of emotions and my therapist won't tell me his opinion strongly either way either.

Total recognition here. My disability is, thankfully, specific, and it has taken me a LONG LONG time to a) realize that it is a disability and b) have kit occur to me to ask for help/accommodation. And from the other side of that line (I have identified it, specified how it limits my otherwise very high level of professional function. (mumble mumble mumble we won't talk about personal at the moment) Once I got clear about what my limitation was, and how it was limiting me I could be very firm and deliberate in making clear what accommodation I needed and was entitled to. (It actually helped clarify things in my mind to have my boss harass me about it at one point, although it created a HOST of other problems, so I don't recommend it at all... but it is an ill wind that blows nobody any good.)

I've spent my whole life thinking I just "wasn't as good as..." Or was just lazy. Or something. Not trying hard enough. I hide everything. I always look ok. Even when desperately ill. I look fine. I act fine. Even tho I am not at all fine.

It is different for a lot of other people. Not all, but a lot. And the ones who it is not different for deserve help too.

Your T may be giving you space to work your way out of this thicket for yourself. It is best if you can see your way clear to advocate for yourself. I know my T thought that was best.

At the end of the day, it is not his call. It is yours.

Self care. Sigh. If only it weren't such a struggle.

 

[desiderata310]

After I posted this last night, I got a call from my best friend whom I have not heard from in months. He was calling to catch up and we talked for about two hours. He had been dancing around asking me about asking how I was doing and I was doing the typical dance of turning it back on him. Yes, we both know this dance well. We both perform it admirably when there is something in our lives that we are trying to avoid talking about.

By the end, he pointedly asked me if I was still seeing my therapist. No dodging that bullet. He knows the history. He knows where I've been in the last year and how hard a year it has been. So we talked about that a bit but I kept it surface talk and then I mentioned the whole service dog thing. For clarification, this is the friend who was in a bad spot last year and made the pact with me so I would get into therapy in the first place.

I figured that if anyone would call me out on bullshit it would be him. He's been a pretty straight shooter with me since he's known me. (about a decade)Surprisingly, he was actually enthusiastic about it. I felt like I had to explain things. We haven't seen each other or even been on the same side of the country for two years and with all that has happened I'm not the same person he knew back then. When I started talking about the fact that I would have to declare this as a disability, he stopped me before I could protest and said, "look I know you, and I know how you think. I KNOW how you feel about that word and what it means but really, this is about what makes your life easier day to day and if a dog would make your life easier then hell yeah, you should do this." He's watched me struggle for years too.

He thought the lady was spot on with suggesting a Whippet because of my running ("oooh!! running partner") and since most of my clientele who are passing through my building have a pet at home they miss desperately, he thought that having a dog there would be seriously good for lots of people and kind of good karma in a way. Interesting perspective. Since he used to be one of those people on the road he would really know, too. They miss those touches of home. Ok.. so really that's not the point of the service dog but he was trying to find a way to make the idea more palatable. I am forever trying to find a way to make those folks feel more comfortable and at home.

I guess I need to pursue this with a little more gusto. I DO love research...

 

[Kintsugi]

Think of it this way. A deaf/hard of hearing person can do anything a "normal" person can do besides hear, and that lack of hearing doesn't have to interfere with them having a very productive and busy life. With interpreters and other tools, they can function normally.

But no one would look at a deaf person funny if they said they wanted a hearing dog to help out with some tasks.