Talking About War With Spouses And Girl/Boyfriends

[raydarluvr1]

Here's my two cents. And it doesn't necessarily apply to us as PTSDers. I think that we should tell our signifcant others what we are and why we are that way. Of course we have to be careful as to an appropriate time and place. We all know there are details too graphic for widespread public. But, told appropriately, our stories can be the gold standard by which we filter out those who we shouldn't be with. If we are going to have PTSD for life, we need a partner who won't run. Someone like we were in the AOR. We didn't run when it got tough. Nor should our lovers run knowing full well what with whom they are committing to.

 

[Cmedic69]

I never have been able to talk about my experiences with any of my sig others. The process of just remembering is too much in its self sometimes.

I know I should....

Lately everything is trigger, I just about got fired this week. My anxiety levels have been so high I can barley function. Got some new meds today, i hope it helps

 

[anthony]

At some point you need to off load it all, as you stated you know you should. Spouses are good sources that are private, they provide immediate support for, and care enough to listen and just be there. Meds only take you so far and don't fix the problem...

Always you choice though... I would recommend you maybe do it and see how you go. Expect fallout, because you're going to fall down after discussing things that you have yet to offload, have no doubt... but its worth just getting it out which you will notice some weeks later. The problem is during the fallout... in that you have to do everything in your power to not kill yourself or someone else / push anyone away who truly gives a shit to be worried about you.

 

[Cmedic69]

I've lost my home and my family, I have a friend I'm staying with for now.

She always claimed she understood why I did what I did why I acted the way I did. I know now that really was not the case. 3 weeks in the hosp later it is still a daily chalenge just to function. Part of me want to go back in, lock down wards suck but at least it is safe and stable.

Got back in the VA programs, working through the process. Deploying again in six mon so the housing thing will be taken care off. Then I'm sure I'll have a whole new load of crap to deal with.

I love being a medic, I am good at my job. I just can't deal with the after affects so well anymore. I've been taking visteral, and Klonipine, as well as some meds for sleep/nightmares/depression. Feel like a walking pharmacy

I'm going to let them medically retire me at this point, I've got 22yrs so far...just tired. Want to start leading a normal life again

Sorry for the whinning, just rough days lately

 

[anthony]

Nothing wrong with venting... especially when it helps. Vent all you want, it ain't whining...

 

[Cmedic69]

Thanks brother,

I leave for some Pre-mobilization tomorrow. I am still a complete basket case!!

How in th He!! am I supposed to lead soldiers, how am I going to provide training to my young soldiers. I am one of the few left with any combat experience, it is my job to make sure my medics are ready for what they may have to do.

I had to go to my former home to get some of my Army gear, just being there I was in tears. All our family photos still on the walls, ect. It all hit me really hard.

I have not been doing good at all lately. Even with the new medicine, I am a mess. If I didn't need the money for this training I think I would go back in the hospital.

What has happened to me?? Why cant I function?? I've been cheated on before, was worse then. I've had the PTSD for years, but for the most part I was functional. Why now am I having constant pannic attacks, I can barley do my job anymore.

I have never been this way before. It scares me cause I dont know how to get right again. I am on enough anti-anxitey meds to put a rhino to sleep (i'm exagarating) I still am a basket case.

I can already feel the urge to just numb, to start drinking again. I have been down that road, I know it leads nowhere good.

Anyway...

Just in a bad place today

Jason

 

[anthony]

I think something I found from operations and learnt well, is that you can't really prepare others for conflict. It just doesn't matter how much you see it, train in a simulated, protective environment, until those gloves come off and there is no safety measures in place, real bullets coming over your head, a body in you arms... you can talk it to death with people, but experience to date cannot be replicated. Experience is the only training available for war I think.

Remember that you are likely more anxious due to separation, then deployment, and it wouldn't surprise me if you actually taper out quite well once deployed, as a war zone is actually quite familiar to the PTSD brain... it is actually like soothing for it, because PTSD as an entity understands and relates best to chaos. Its the home life, society, civilian aspects, combat PTSD has no idea what to do with and is near traumatic in itself towards worstening PTSD.

It is becoming more normal to see soldiers discharge and return to conflict zones as civilians, doing dangerous jobs as it is calming to them and PTSD actually steps down amongst chaos funnily enough.

 

[Jimmy1]

I believe I could deploy and lead others today. Once you get that camouflage skin on, your whole demeanor changes. You don't have to be liked. You just do your job like your trained to, or brainwashed to. And you do it well.

Its always when you get home to the trivial society we live in that people don't understand.

I am not having a real good one either. I hate the way society today are in it for themselves and don't respect property or people. At least in the military you had respect, even if it was only for the rank and not the person.

Jimmy

 

[Cmedic69]

I reallty think you are right in combat I know how to react, I know how to channel they emotions. I slip right back to deployment mode.

Just got out of the hospital...again 18 days this time. Second day into screening and the conficated my weapons and took me to the va. The real pain was, NO ONE from my COC came to chk on me. My admin NCO and one of my buddies are the only ones who chk on me. The chaplin showed for 5 min and never saw him again. Not feeling alot of unit loyalty right now

anyway...Gonna be getting into a longterm inpatient prg next month 8wks long maybe this will do the trick

 

[Jimmy1]

Once again mate I can sympathise. Once I was diagnosed with PTSD it was like everyone else I was serving with thought I was contagious. I had shoulder surgery and bowel surgery whilst I was still serving and nobody came to visit. Its a very lonely life if you have nobody. I actually believe it can be a very lonely life even if you have somebody. Yes, we can empathise with fellow PTSD sufferers, but I suppose we are fighting our own demons, not anybody else's.

I am back in the dating game at the moment, and one of the hardest things I have to deal with is when the lady asks me why I do not work. I do not look like a cripple, and I don't want to come straight out with "I was discharged mainly due to psychological reasons", that goes down like a fart in an elevator.

Anyway mate, good luck with the inpatient prg. Hope you learn some useful info. Our PTSD program over here is 8 weeks long too, and it gave me heaps of useful info.

Jimmy

 

[abnvet]

My exwife thought she wanted to know about my deployment. She bugged me constantly as I couldn't get it right in my head long enough to talk about it. The parts that I did let out scared her to the point that she left. My wife now says she doesn't care if I talk about it with her. Saying that she'll be there when I do and we've been together 12 years now.

 

[Nicolette]

I know I'm late to reply to this topic but I would like to respond to some of the initial questions about when/if to tell someone you are dating/ tell a spouse, how much do you tell etc.

From my point of view, now as a Carer, I was told fairly early on in the dating scenario and I didn't think too much about it until I saw some rough times. Fundamentally for me, honesty and trust are an integral part of a relationship so being told back at the start was probably the best thing for me even though it has taken years to come to get a good understanding about PTSD.

Do/did I want to know some of the details? Yes but I got the impression that I wasn't to go there so I never pushed and respected what seems like a line in the sand. I have always felt the line was drawn to protect my husband and not me...JMHO...due to never being given the opportunity to know if I wanted.

Funnily enough I just got a lot of my answers through reading this thread. While watching dismemberment etc on tv is something I would prefer not to watch, hearing a story about what happened to someone I love does not bother me but instead helps with an appreciation for what caused them to end up where they are.

At the end of the day, I think the answer, from a Carer's point of view will ultimately depend on who we are and what we can or cannot cope with as well as what the Sufferer is comfortable about. I don't think there is a clear cut solution to any of this unfortunately.