Teach Me How To Job

[Arete]

My point of departure in life is that my emotional system is haywired due to ptsd and a childhood filled with violent beatings and psychological abuse. I try to avoid my victim mentality and I always second guess my emotional reactions to a situation.

So through hard work I have completed my masters in law, and now have a new job.

My boss drops these negative comments ,that really bother me, and with the stress and work-load sends me into fight or flight behavioral patterns.

The boss has tasked me with a work load of 2,5 people within my first three months. This stresses me out.

He had said that I could do a phd. along with the job if I wanted, so I reached out to my network and got a phd. deal. It seems however that he does not like this.

He said that I could also teach at the university partly during work-hours, like he and another of my colleagues does. Again it seems that it actually agitates him that I have actually taken him up on his offer.

I have started to look for another job but I still need to handle my bosses comments and negative attitude without going into fight or flight mode, which is proving difficult.

it is not just a problem at work, I tend to "get hurt" from negative comments and events, and would love to grow a thicker skin.

So how do you deal with negative comments while having ptsd?

 

[BlueOrange]

I've found these forums quite helpful for thickening my skin. I've had a lot of fights with people here. Over time, I've formed more realistic views of various participants, and I've learned that a conversation can go badly without an end to the world.

Practice coping with things if you want to get better at coping with things!

 

[Friday]

So how do you deal with negative comments while having ptsd?

I went to the School of Serious Teflon majoring in Watch Me Motherf*cker & minoring in Water Off A Duck's Back ;) AKA I was in the military. But the single best thing I've read on the subject matter?

Criticism - Is It Them Or You?

 

[VioletButterfly]

From what you've written, it sounds like you're reacting a lot to direction from your boss. Maybe explore why you're doing this, your reactions to ambiguous and conflicting direction from him, why you're responding to the situation in the way you are (people pleasing) - kind of determining the psychological dynamic at play here so that you can understand and be more self-directed going foreword. I'd take a look at what @Friday has included above as well.

Also, you might want to discuss the position description, expectations, priorities and goals with your current boss just for your own frame of reference so that you don't second guess yourself. If you're leaving, perhaps these are good topics to discuss with your new boss before taking the position as well, along with management style and opportunities that will be immediately available and in the future - and the timing of these (PhD, teaching...). Pin down as much as you can so that you know to expect. This might alleviate some of the internal conflict it seems you're experiencing.

Maybe some self grounding exercises and journaling might not be a bad idea either so that you are on the same page with yourself when making decisions and/or advocating for yourself (you'll have your voice intact).