Sufferer Teddy Bear...

[Teddy Bear]

When I was a young kid, I went through domestic and sexual abuse via a relative. My body did what it knew how and it blocked all the bad and put up barriers and barriers of mental walls. I continued to live with the abuser as I had no choice. No choice as in I was 10 years hold and wasn't going to run away from my bed and only shelter that was my home. As the years progressed I was able to deal with the abuser but still had underlying hatred towards him. I am now in my early twenties and still live with the abuser as I have not enough money to be able to get an apartment. It has been years and I have forgiven him internally but it still haunts me and it still hurts. I have gone to therapy and I suffer everyday. Some days are easy and some days are the worst as many of you know. I have found that writing helps me vent and feel a little bit better about life but suicide is a constant on my mind. Therapy helped me break down some mental blocks I didn't know I had built to protect myself, but it also opened my eyes to the illnesses that haunt me. It is regular for me to have very little sleep. I recently just got married to a beautiful Christian woman who loves me dearly and is always there for me. She knows everything there is to know about me and could probably write my biography. haha anywho, I am looking forward to helping you guys and receiving mutual support.

- Teddy Bear

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Welcome to the forum @Teddy Bear.

Lots of space here for mutual support and empathy. We all need it from time to time. I hope you take some time to browse through some of the threads. You might find some of the topics and responsese very helpful. Encourage your wife to as well.

We look forward to hearing from you again.

 

[aut555]

Sorry you went through this. You must feel in denial about a safe secure childhood, because ten years old is such a tender age of development. Do you think talking about this will help release some of the angst you deal with?

 

[Teddy Bear]

Sorry you went through this. You must feel in denial about a safe secure childhood, because ten years ol...

I definitely didn't have a safe secure childhood. I'm surprised I'm still alive. Talking about it does help me. It helps me analyze and really filter through the emotions and make myself grounded again. If I keep it all in I feel like my head is overwhelmed and I disassociate from the real world.

 

[Teddy Bear]

Welcome to the forum @Teddy Bear.

Lots of space here for mutual support and empat...

Thank you. It means a lot to me that I can just talk about whatever is going on inside and not be judged or looked at like I'm some weirdo or a crazy person who is seeking attention. It's nice to have a space that the people understand exactly what I'm going through and can help me. Thank you so much all of you.

 

[aut555]

You may have to filter through a couple more hundred times, (seriously), but it does get easier the more you release it. At first l would release my stuff to anybody, just for the act of releasing. Now l don't need to anymore. It helped with the anger, denial, and it help me set up my boundaries again. You have to figure out your boundaries for feeling safe and stay in them to protect you. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Teddy Bear]

You may have to filter through a couple more hundred times, (seriously), but it does get easier the more...

Thank you.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome! :hug: