Telling People About My Ptsd

[Hashi]

Why don't I tell?

Because other people's understanding of PTSD isn't my understanding of PTSD. I have no idea what they'll think or what misconceptions they might have.

Because if I say "PTSD" or "trauma" they are likely to guess that I've been raped or sexually abused and I don't want them to be thinking about that. If they're on the right track I don't want them to think about it. If they're on the wrong track I don't want them to think about that.

Because once I've told someone I can't untell.

Because I don't think it would help anyway, probably. Me hoping it will explain things is probably unrealistic. It's more likely to lead to speculation, pity, awkwardness, defensiveness, misconceptions or negative responses.

I like the ideas of saying you have anxiety/a different learnng style. This is what I tend to do. It's true - I do have anxiety and my learning style is different from most people's. It isn't the entire truth, but I don't think everyone needs the entire truth. People only need something they can understand that expresses what I want to express.

 

[LongStoryShort]

I see. I guess I'm really naive about ppl. I have to say I regret more and more telling anyone, in the early days, when I can remember my anger being so strong I just could not stop talking about stuff to anyone, any place. I don't know what kind of a reaction that was but I could just go on and on, for hours on end for years, and I even would notice becoming a bit like a child who needs comfort while talking:-(

I now regret saying anything to anyone, but I guess it's done now. Why do people find wounded people so scary?

I guess when one talks about ones life, I mean it was my life, it was just what it was, and even though I was hurt, I really did not think it was that unusual or scary for ppl. or that ppl. would react negatively. I dunno.

I have had stuff happen to me, but sometimes I would even think it just can't be enough to get PT stress. I must have some other disorder.Most ppl.on this site probably have had it worse than I. But I guess the symptoms make sense for me too.Being thought of as weak I don't mind, cause I guess I'm not that strong you know. I'm just who I am, strong, weak, wounded what ever..

I wish I had more common sense about it though. I'm so clueless at times.

 

[rightkindofme]

I published a book about my childhood trauma with all the dirty details explicitly spelled out. I'm Out. I talk about having PTSD pretty regularly. It does drive some people away from me. I cheerfully wave as they leave. I have found that being transparent about who I am and how I live and what is going on for me has had long-term benefits that outweigh the loss of people who wouldn't be supportive anyway.

I have a friends network at this point that blows my mind. I am not alone. I am not unloved. I have some freakishly loyal friends because they really understand me. I don't think they could understand me if I was lying about something that was so much a part of every day of my life. I have anxiety issues--big ones that really f*ck up my life. If I don't talk about them then people take my behavior personally.

I talk about the PTSD so I can be clear, "I am sorry that I am going to some times act in ways that are not optimal. I am working as hard as I can. I promise. If I am breaking some rule you will need to tell me so because I may not notice because I am struggling to continue standing in the room. I won't notice your subtle body language but I sincerely want to be behaving appropriately. I just need to be told when I'm doing something that isn't working."

I practice how to stand, look at people, and smile in the mirror. I feel like my entire experience of being out in the world is a balance of me trying to figure out how to be nice to this person from a weird different culture.

 

[bell]

@LongStoryShort, I agree with what other people have said in that maybe you should tell them you are dealing with some hardcore anxiety and leave it at that. In fact, I think your username says it best, literally keep the long story short! For me, I write about it publicly at times, but don't share my diagnosis with people I know unless I know them really well. Why? Because it can freak people out and I talk about it online so other people can feel less alone... So I'll talk about it freely when people have the choice to read something, but don't when people are "trapped" (per se) in a conversation with me. It's something that takes time to digest for everyone, as in some ways, it's kind of a big deal, y'know?

So, my vote here? Listen to your username. And keep moving forward. Best of luck to you.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I used to tell everyone since I hoped it would help reduce the stigma. Now I don't right away. Too many people have distorted views, and aren't eager to learn the truth. I do tell friends, though, since they might wonder why I hide under the table sometimes.

 

[Eleanor]

LSS - two more thoughts: One, I like to remember this: We live in a "people rich world." If five or six (or fifty or sixty) don't work out for us, there are always MANY MANY more waiting in the wings. Too bad for the ones who aren't "our cup of tea."

Also, if you are working with some of the stuff rightkindofme is talking about about social communication/body language (which is tough when dealing with pervasive anxiety disorders) you might get some help from Temple Grandin's book for autistic kids "The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships." I am not autistic and it was kind of eye opening for me.:)

 

[DharmaGirl]

I did tell an old friend, and she would trigger me in almost every conversation. I set clear and kind boundaries which she ignored. She told me, "I don't care if this triggers you, I have to vent." She also told me I didn't have a real mental illness like bipolar. Lol. I realized that she had been abusing me for 40 years. Even though I didn't get the reaction I had hoped for, I learned a lot.