Relationship Temper Tantrums...

[Purplemunchkin]

...are great. Oh, no, wait. I think I've got that wrong.

Rant/vent alert. Feel free to move along, this is just my catharsis.

One minute we're having a cuddle, and he's saying how lucky he is to have me, and I'm so patient and supportive.

The next I'm a bitch who doesn't listen and who twists everything to make him think he's going mad.

My usual tactic of walking away wasn't an option since I was in bed and he was by the door at this point.

He starts shouting and swearing; he's had enough, this is it, he's leaving (I think it's been over 18 months since he threatened that). He then punched the lightshade on the overhead light sending it and the bulb flying across the room.

I stayed calm and said it was his choice if he wanted to go. I knew exactly what he would say next; "is that what you want?". When I didn't answer he shouted and swore at me some more.

I wasn't quite as calm when I told him to just piss off if that was what he wanted to do. He slammed the door and stomped downstairs.

Within about 10 minutes he came back up and started saying maybe we should take a break, then wound up crying in my arms, apologising, telling me how much he loves me, but I deserve so much better.

He's now fast asleep while I'm here running over it in my head. The usual questions of what the he'll did I say/do to set that off?! How many more of these episodes do I have the strength to take?

Right, now I've got all of that off my chest I'm going to try and get some sleep. Busy day with his kids tomorrow...

 

[Sighs]

Hugs!

I've asked myself those two questions too many times. But its the vulnerability behind the anger that keeps me there.

Hope things improve for you soon! :hug:

 

[Sweetpea76]

You didn't do anything. It was the beast rearing its ugly head. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I do not think you did anything and I think you are a good person and I am so sorry he is doing that right now. I wish you the best and good for you for staying calm. You must have great inner strength.

 

[shimmerz]

I suspect there is a 'trigger' for the two different 'parts' of the man that you are dealing with. I wonder if bringing to consciousness what actually triggers these events would be helpful at all. Did he wake up like that? Could it have been nightmares that threw him off? I know it takes me a while to sort out in the morning, what the nightmares and terrors do to me in the morning. Just a thought. Not necessarily an applicable one to your situation.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Thanks folks.

I know it's his 'little friend' rather than him. We had a chat this morning (@shimmerz this happened last night) and he apologised some more, and we talked about what might have been behind it.

This episodes are never easy, but I think this was more upsetting for me as I felt trapped. Usually I can, and do, walk away - mostly to the bedroom.

He's had a really good day today with his kids though, which is lovely. And now I'd best go and dish up the dinner!

 

[Wastinglight]

Just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear you're having to deal with this, @Purplemunchkin. I guess you can focus on the fact that he apologised though. Hope things improve. Hugs!

 

[Peach]

Agree with @Sighs , that vulnerability is what keeps me coming back for more. I love Tater and think he's hilarious and sooo interesting, but when he's being a dick or is overwhelmed (which isn't too often, thankfully) there's usually still that little boy, peeking through his fingers hoping to find acceptance, who melts my heart.

I'm glad he apologized, @Purplemunchkin , that's the really important bit. If that ever stops...well, that could be a sign of the end for me. :hug: