Terrible insomnia

[Hush92]

Several months ago there was a situation that triggered my psychosis (not stress induced, my sleep got thrown off on a vacation) and the psychosis of course triggered my ptsd, which had finally calmed down after my move back to my hometown where all my initial worst traumatic experiences occurred. I'd been stable for months and this totally threw me off. I eventually got stable and the psychosis stopped, but the ptsd has not.

I get so incredibly anxious at night. It's horrible. Even when it is not conscious anxiety of me worrying if I will experience psychosis, it comes out as physical symptoms. I constantly have to get up to pee. I feel the need to eat endlessly. I can't get comfortable. Any small thing distracts me and prevents me from sleeping. I've started compulsively masturbating to disturbing material and keep going past the point where I'm sore. Not as bad as when I would literally bruise myself externally/internally doing so but still. It's distressing to find myself doing that again.

I don't know what to do. I tried sleep meds again for a while to try to reset my brain but when I eventually went off even though the psychosis didn't come back the ptsd still wasn't gone. I guess I just have to wait for it to go away again like I did before....I wish I knew why and how it went away before. Anyone have tips? I've started emdr and while it is helpful, I haven't been able to overcome the anxiety at night.

 

[PiggyBack]

Did you ever hear the old joke (back when people compulsively smoked cigarettes):

Q: What do you do when you smoke after sex?
A: Slow down and use a lubricant.

You're a brave person to move back to your hometown. I've learned to live far away from home where life activities don't trigger my disturbing memories. I've gone as far as living in foreign countries where my PTSD usually drops of to zero. Although the need to make a living usually pulls me back to the USA. However, I wouldn't move back to my home town, or even my home state, or even 3 states away from my home state.

Pilots are trained that when you do something and the plane looses stability, to immediately reverse the action.

You don't mention your daytime activities. Can you volunteer somewhere, go to the gym, run 5 miles in the local park?

 

[Hush92]

Did you ever hear the old joke (back when people compulsively smoked cigarettes):

Q: What do you do...

Not brave, I didn't have a choice. Had to move back home with family after college. Literally as soon as I can I want to leave here. I still dissociate in very familiar areas. At least we're not on the same side of town. I've avoided our old street like the plague.

I was exercising regularly intensely but then life got in the way, I lost the habit and I haven't been to the gym in 2 months now. It's hard to get started again. Aside from that though I make sure I have plenty of regular activities. I work, I have school and I'm even in a community art class and taking private japanese lessons for fun on the side.

I don't want to go back on sleep meds because I was stable off them before that vacation and they are not good to be on long term. If I could rewind time and not go on the vacation I'd do so. I'm definitely going to be very leery of going on more in the future, or at least of going on ones where I can't be in control of the hours I keep.

 

[KasparHauser]

Hello! I developed PTSD symptoms from a drug-induced psychotic episode, but am healed now, bizarrely I cried myself out of it but it took several months. I slept roughly once a week for no more than 3 hours. Such extreme sleep deprivation it made my memory so so weird and gave me so much anxiety and depersonalisation.

It sounds really really awful what you're going through and am so sorry you have to experience this dark side of life but I think you'll manage to reach better mental health if you manage to summon your willpower. Things can get sooo much better with PTSD. Of course you can repeat to yourself a million times that there is nothing to be afraid of but am aware that it takes more than that to overcome these subconscious fears. You ought to see a therapist to talk about absolutely everything, there is nothing to be ashamed of, lots of people go through f*cked up shit.

Coping techniques for now are your main resource. Healthy living (exercise and balanced diet) and at least attempting to sleep for the same hours each day are also fundamental. Eventually the anxiety will become easier to manage, and then go away. Try to seek the following: Anything that makes you feel something, things that provoke strong emotions, (eg powerful films, other art), challenges, positive people, stepping out of your comfort zone (doing new things for the first time), rediscovering passions from your past. For me as I've already said it was finding lots of music and films that made me cry and nostalgia that helped me unfreeze my emotional memory.

It is hard to stay calm, and breathing properly is f*cking difficult, but yeah going for long walks or jogs can be very rhythmical and good for that. There is nothing you HAVE to do. Just see what works for you.

Best of luck

 

[joeylittle]

I developed PTSD symptoms from a drug-induced psychotic episode, but am healed now, bizarrely I cried myself out of it but it took several months. I slept roughly once a week for no more than 3 hours. Such extreme sleep deprivation it made my memory so so weird and gave me so much anxiety and depersonalisation.

That’s not PTSD - it’s a different disorder caused by substance abuse. It has some symptom overlap with PTSD, but is not the same.

That being said - elements like exercise and connection with others can be very beneficial for PTSD.

I’d personally not recommend any of this for anyone with PTSD:

Try to seek the following: Anything that makes you feel something, things that provoke strong emotions, (eg powerful films, other art)...For me as I've already said it was finding lots of music and films that made me cry and nostalgia that helped me unfreeze my emotional memory.

Without first consulting with a therapist.

PTSD is not treated the same way substance-induced psychosis is.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Try to seek the following: Anything that makes you feel something, things that provoke strong emotions, (eg powerful films, other art), challenges, positive people, stepping out of your comfort zone (doing new things for the first time), rediscovering passions from your past. For me as I've already said it was finding lots of music and films that made me cry and nostalgia that helped me unfreeze my emotional memory.

What an amazing way to push a PTSDer to suicide! That's very dangerous advise in my opinion!

I've started compulsively masturbating to disturbing material and keep going past the point where I'm sore. Not as bad as when I would literally bruise myself externally/internally doing so but still. It's distressing to find myself doing that again

Been there done that. It used to be so bad that I couldn't walk the next day. It's calmed and stopped over a period of years of working with my therapist but I'd recommend other distractions. Youtube has been a great one for me lately. I watch it until I finally fall asleep. But I also take 1mg Xanax and a 4mg Tizanadine at night which calms anxiety and makes me tired enough to fall asleep to youtube videos after a few hours. Have you spoken to your doctor about meds you could take at night that could help?

I tried sleep meds again for a while to try to reset my brain but when I eventually went off even though the psychosis didn't come back the ptsd still wasn't gone.

The PTSD isn't going to be gone. And anxiety medication is completely different then sleeping medication. I can't take sleeping meds but anxiety meds help a lot. It doesn't stop the anxiety completely and I still need deep pressure therapy from my service dog and youtube as a distraction but that coupled with the muscle relaxer helps enough to help me fall asleep eventually. It takes a few hours but eventually I do fall asleep.

Puzzle games on my phone also seems to help distract me. It seems hard to distract my brain for some reason and most puzzle games aren't hard enough to keep my brain un-bored enough to stop it from going off the cult rituals but I've been able to find a few.

Another thing that's been super helpful is making up a "movie" and playing it out in my head. It's maladaptive daydreaming but for the purposes of keeping me in bed, not doing a cult ritual, and falling asleep eventually it's been one of the best help over the years. Many times it does enough up sexual but it's not over distrubing content but thoughts of usually today my therapist (which he says I do to help me feel safe and its ok) and since its not crazy distrubing content I don't feel the need to punish myself with the insane amount of masturbation.

Most of the stopping of it happened over quite a few years of therapy but these things have helped along the way to reduce it greatly.