Terrified Of Therapy

[cmd]

I realised I wasn't functioning well outside of therapy. So I made an appointment with the local health center (no insurance, no job, no way to get it another way). It's a week from today at 10am.

I am point blank terrified.

I've had a lot of therapists over the years. Some have definitely been worse than others, but... I suppose it's how I react to being set off - I "expand" outward. I cut myself off, and focus on other people and other issues. It tends to mask my issues in therapy - it appears that I'm fine because I'm so social and mobile.

I'd like to skip that this time around. Any advice?

 

[Helliepig]

Tell this to your therapist from day one so that you can both be mindful of it.

like a defence mechanism. Can you focus on what you feel underneath, and not DO anything - try not get carried away into focusing on other things? Sometimes our behaviours are so automatic, but it doesn't mean we can't sit back and try and observe what happens, and how you feel.... that is the first step to being able to stop it happening, but then you will have to be ready to deal with what it is covering up....

I wish you good luck

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((cmd))))

This 'anticipatory anxiety' is normal and a part of the journey. It will get better as you gain skills to deal with your feelings and trust in yourself.

Remember, you get to decide what you share and don't. But the more you can, the shorter the distance to your T. knowing what you're dealing with.

Write down all your worries. You are not alone. You are being brave to face your trauma. A better life is ahead of you.

In the meantime, try all the grounding techniques you can until you find some that can work for you...then practice, practice, practice them.

 

[ms spock]

Tell this to your therapist from day one so that you can both be mindful of it.

Excellent advice!

 

[ms spock]

that is the first step to being able to stop it happening, but then you will have to be ready to deal with what it is covering up....

That is where it gets tricky.

 

[ronin47]

What you are feeling is natural. When I first started real therapy I seriously considered not eating breakfast on the days of my sessions because the anxiety made me feel like I was going to vomit. However I can tell you now it was worth it, beyond any and all doubt. I had a similar problem with avoidance, and it really didn't change until I found a t with the confidence to not back down when I tried to deflect. I think the best way you can hold yourself accountable for that if your t does not is pay attention to how often you say words like "I,""my,""me,"etc.

 

[Hashi]

I think all the above is excellent advice.

I'd suggest reminding yourself that it's not just one of two options (avoid it, or dive in and say everything straight away). It's valid, and helpful, to talk with your therapist about your concerns and anxieties before you actually start discussing the issues themselves. As Helliepig says, having that awareness is progress in itself. It can help you and your therapist find ways to make you feel safer talking about the issues, and it can help you to pace yourself as you start to do that.

I spent quite a lot of time in therapy talking about how hard it was to talk, and exploring ways to make it easier. My therapist and I discussed the kind of reaction and support I need from her, what I can do to support myself, how best to structure the session (eg keeping the last 15 minutes for calming and grounding) and different ways of communicating what I need to (eg me reading aloud bits out of my journal, doing art about an issue and showing it to her). Doing that let me talk about things I never imagined I could, and like ronin47 it was definitely worth it.

Good luck with your appointment.

Hashi

 

[kimba]

You may want to think about feelings ahead of time too. I find the hardest thing for me is verbalizing how I feel or how I felt as something was happening. Because I have a hard time, I get stuck in a minute or more at a time of silence as I struggle to find the words. Then I get panicky because it is quiet and I feel like I am wasting time. Just an idea.

 

[ms spock]

As Helliepig says, having that awareness is progress in itself.

Indeed Hashi it is.

 

[lil_fighter]

It tends to mask my issues in therapy - it appears that I'm fine because I'm so social and mobile

Even if you think it appears that way and you are coming across as sociable etc. the therapist, if he/she is a good one should not be influenced by that, as that could be your way of coping or it could be that you are still a sociable person when in a group despite the PTSD. Yesterday in a group session I had, I made myself a challenge and came out with 'oh yeah I joined a zumba class over a month ago'...the therapists where all 'ooh..wow, I want to do that' and I then said my challenge was to try to go back to the classes again next week because I had stopped going..I felt stupid because I thought maybe I have portrayed myself as happy, jumping around to music and that actually Im fine which isn't true when other peoples' challenges were related to being indoors, something like listening to music again or whatever..I was concious that I may have made other people feel worse or whatever

but everyone is different and everyone will be at different stages and like I said no one should judge you. All advice is great, Hashi gives some good advice and it seems the theme of the thread is opening up and talking to your therapist about what works for you, communication is key. I hope that it went well, let us know when you feel ready :)