Texas trigger - hoping harvey wipes it off the map.

[Sobin]

Ok. In the real world I know that just because I had a horrific experience in Texas doesn't mean all of the people who live there are horrific and that I want them all to die. In the real world I know that my thoughts that it is a godforsaken ****hole and that Harvey is the best thing ever to happen there is wrong wrong wrong. In the real world I don't want it wiped off the map.

But. I do.

The triggers are everywhere and they have caught me totally off guard. It's on the news. It's on the radio. It's on this website. I can't escape it. It makes me want to puke and cry and I hate everything associated with that place. It makes me remember things that should never have been dug up. It brings up flashbacks and intrusive thoughts and total, complete despair. It makes me remember what it felt like to die and be brought back so I could suffer more. It reminds me that everyone turned their backs on me when I needed help the most. And they were all Texans.

I know that I have this issue, and I usually do ok with it. But the hate that is raging inside me right now is so huge I don't know what to do. For me Harvey is Karma - it's what they deserve. But "they" is bigger than those who hurt me. I cant blame millions of people who are in danger from a hurricane for what was done to me. But.....

Anyone have any ideas???

 

[Ecap]

How long has it been since your trauma happened?

 

[Esod]

I can say the same thing about Atlanta.

 

[Sobin]

How long has it been since your trauma happened?

Trauma was a long time ago - but currently doing EMDR so its up front and personal right now. I think that's why it has caught me so off guard. You wouldn't catch me dead in the state, but this reaction seems a bit excessive.

 

[Ehu]

I wish I hadn't read this post because I am doing everything I can not to lose it waiting through this terrifying hurricane. I wish I could send you photos of all the tiny shivering children and elderly people, crying newscasters. I wish you could see the tireless effort of all the good people that are here trying to help each other. But I know that won't help. I get emdr, I am in it myself. In it, you can change the outcome... maybe change your suffering location to hell and then escape and destroy it forever, I don't know. I hope you can heal from this. In the meantime, I will go back to hoping that my friends and family and innocent people don't die.

 

[Bavajo]

I have had bad experiences in a area before so I can relate to what you are experiencing. I directed my anger at the people who harmed me and my family in a super big way. I have also wished people dead too. It was all my anger coming out at the people who hurt me.
But nowadays since I have moved away, I am okay and would never go back there again. But I no longer wish people dead. I hope that you can heal from this too.

 

[Sobin]

Thank you all for your encouragement. I'm doing better as the afternoon goes on. Like I said, it just kind of came out of no where and I was at a total loss of how to get past it. I mean, I've always known you couldn't pay me to go anywhere near there but this overwhelming idea that I wanted the state wiped off the map was a bit extreme. It does help to know others have been there and have gotten through it.
Gee - guess I know what I'm working on in EMDR this week. :arghh;

 

[Tufuki]

But "they" is bigger than those who hurt me. I cant blame millions of people who are in danger from a hurricane for what was done to me. But.....

You are right, you can't. Thousands of innocent people are questioning their lives or livelihoods right now. I found your post surprising and it makes me very sad. And yes, it is an extreme reaction. :(

 

[Oget]

I wish I hadn't read this post because I am doing everything I can not to lose it waiting through this terrifying hurrican...

Not helpful. Really. Usually I don't say things like this, but REALLY? The OP is seriously struggling and you just decide to run him/her over the coals for it. The OP took a HUGE risk by reaching out for help. The OP doesn't want to feel this way. The OP wants to change.

Way to lay on the guilt. Hasn't the OP been victimized enough?

 

[Pimum]

Big big long article to sift through... there's some pertinent stuff scattered all throughout: The Psychology of Anger and Anger Management : Insult, Revenge, and Forgiveness

 

[Jenog]

Not helpful. Really. Usually I don't say things like this, but REALLY? The OP is seriously struggling and you just decide...

And the subsequent poster is also struggling. AND I think we've all been victimized enough. Thus, I find your post, actually, the least bit helpful.

 

[Ocoraw]

If neither of you is the original poster, knock it off.