General Thank God I've Found Your Forum - My Husband Turns into Mr Hyde

[nard]

Hi there, its just a quick posting to say hello as I am at work. I live near Oxford in the UK and have been married for nearly 5 years to a fantastic man but due to events that happened to him serving in Northern Ireland he can turn into Mr Hyde. He admits that he has PTSD but doesn't believe that he can be helped (or deserve to be helped). I've been trying to cope with his mood swings (some times he will just flip and be really verbally hurtfull). I'm trying to make life as normal as possible especially as we have a 4 year old boy. I can't confide in friends as I would also have to admit that he has a drug and alcohol problem as well. So finding this forum is just what I need to see that I'm not alone.
thanks again
Nard

 

[jods]

Hi Nard

Welcome! We're hear for you if you need a chat. I've got a 3yo old boy so I understand what you mean about trying to keep things "normal".
Hope you are taking care of yourself because you're important too!
Just remember that your one of us so you're not alone anymore!

 

[Deleted member 3]

Hi Nard,

Welcome to the forum. I have a 15 yr old step-son, a 21 month old toddler and one on the way. I know exactly what you mean by trying look after them and keep yourself sane. Your husband needs help, he deserves help and for all of you he must get it. What are the Veterans services like in the UK? Thankfully we didn't have the children in the environment when Anthony was doing the alcohol thing, I would have left for sure. My strategy for dealing with Anthony's apathy about treatment, at the stage that your husband is at was to throw a Veterans Counselling Service card on his desk, told him he had PTSD and if he didn't get treatment I was gone. Tough gamble, it paid off for me. If your husband acknowledges that he has PTSD, he's not in denial and that's a good step, he now needs a boot in the ass. He is substance abusing, taking his crap out in your general direction and I can almost bet that you are buffering the children from the worst of it and copping all the crap. His issue not yours!!!

The alternative is not really an option for you or your children Nards - you should not have to put up with years of him wallowing in his PTSD. If he knows he has a problem then the onus is on him to make his world better. As a consequence yours will be better too.

Sorry if I have been too blunt, you will notice that this is a theme of this forum. My husband doesn't do bs, in fact only those with PTSD in denial do bs and hence this forum isn't about bs. It makes me angry when those with PTSD are affecting their families and they know they have it, they just won't do anything about it. Drugs and alcohol, crap for him, you and your children. Alcohol really ticks me off because the damn thing is a depressant. How the hell can you fight depression when you are adding to the problem??

Don't let my rant put you off coming here. Please do, vent and ask for advice. We are here to support everyone affected by PTSD.

 

[anthony]

Welcome Nard,

Glad you found the forum. You need to get your husband here, have him chat with me, as I am a veteran myself, know exactly all the crap that is going through his mind, been there and done that... now on the better side of PTSD. Get him reading here if nothing else, or print points of particular interest that you think he needs to know, and let have them, discuss them, and read them together if need be... but just make him understand that he is not alone, lots of others understand, and PTSD can be controlled to have a happier life once again.

 

[medicchick]

Welcome. I know what you mean abou tnot having anyone local to talk to. I live over 4000 miles from my family, and just moved to a new town, where I don't really know anyone. My husband will turn into Mr Hyde as well. If he won't seek help, seek help for yourself. By coming here, you've made steps in the right direction, having a place to vent helps a lot. Good luck. :)

 

[nard]

Hi there,
I would like to thank you all for your replies, I have gained a lot of strength reading peoples stories and knowing that I'm not alone. There is an organisation in the UK called combat stress, but its getting B to make that first step of contacting them as he genuinely don't believe they can help hime. Out wardly he is not as bad as some people, but about 4 times a year, usually happy occasions such a birthday when he will flip out and be really nasty, saying hurtfulll things that afterwards he regrets. But he is irratable a lot of the time (the booze doesn't help). He knows that it is not good for George (our boy) to see.
One thing Ive learnt from the forum is not to get fired up my self when he flips, but it is difficult as I get angry back thinking how dare you talk to me like that. So I just have to bite my tongue remove myself physically. Well I have to get on and do some work
Cheers

 

[medicchick]

Biting my tounge is the hardest part for me, maybe I'll get good at it one day...lol