Relationship Thank you and 4 years later

[Brokenhalo]

I joined this site 4 years ago as my SO is a retired combat vet diagnosed with PTSD ....and more recently diagnosed with an Attachment Disorder. I joined this site because I was at my wits end and didn't know where to turn...after a year of a rollercoaster ride...I was feeling defeated.I loved this man and he kept pulling me in and then pushing me away. I met him 2 months after he retired and I didn't understand the transition he was making to civilian life nor how PTSD affected him and his relationships.

I told him he was stuck with me 4 years ago and that I wasn't going anywhere...no matter how much he pushed me away.

Well, I did post on here 4 years ago... and although I didn't stay active on the site...I listened, I learned, I gave him the space he needed. Was it easy? HELL NO...but nothing worth fighting for ever is!

Today, we celebrate 5 years together! It's been one hell of a ride and we've separated more times than our fingers and toes combined! I've had to learn HOW to be with him, and how to truly support and love him.

He is an amazing man and I truly admire and adore him. We have not moved to the next level of our relationship where we live together...but we live a whole 5 miles away from each other lol. I have to say...that's perfectly ok as we have a lifetime.

I'm no longer afraid to tell him how I feel for fear that he will run away. I can say I love you and hear those magical words said back to me. He can be vulnerable and so can I. It has taken years, but I wouldn't make a change...because he is not just my SO, he is my best friend.

Does this mean things are always unicorns ....and rainbows? Nope, just like any couple we disagree on things...but we have taken the time to understand one another and have learned not to judge.

I'm posting because for the short time I was active on this site...I learned so much and I was given tools and choices. The 1st choice...was to really assess if this was truly love and a relationship I wanted because if I didn't want to work for it...I had to recognize that I can unintentionally hurt him. I also had to prove with my actions, to him...that he truly is stuck with me.

I'm so grateful for this site and the beautiful individuals who are of support. We've made it and have promised each other that this is for life.

Thank you so much as I may have given up on the love of a lifetime!

 

[littleoc]

I'm so happy for you! :)

I think I remember you? Not certain. But either way, I'm glad you came back to share your news!

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

((( @Brokenhalo ))):hug:

How AWESOME that you were able to learn what tools to use to be supportive of your SO! Congrats on sticking it out! Relationships are hard in the BEST of circumstances. We are all human and make mistakes, and PTSD complicates things at least TENFOLD!

Thank for stopping by to share the success you are having with your hunny

 

[Snowflakes]

@Brokenhalo I am glad you stopped by to share your story and how the journey went for you. You’re right, reading everyone’s story here helps us realize we really are not alone and that wonderful people here are willing to pour their heart out to give each of us their insight and coping skills.

I have been on this ride for 10 years but since joining this site a year ago and listening to others has truly saved my life and possibly my marriage. I am thrilled beyond words that you and your vet managed to work together to arrive at the present place you are at now. Yes, the path might be strewn with potholes but the journey is worth it. :hug:

 

[Brokenhalo]

I'm so happy for you! :)

I think I remember you? Not certain. But either way, I'm glad you came back...

I think I remember you as well. I'm happy to be here!!!!

 

[Brokenhalo]

@Brokenhalo I am glad you stopped by to share your story and how the journey went...

Yessss...HUGE potholes...but so very worth it! To see him laugh and feel good about himself and feel good about us...it's truly an amazing feeling! 10 years...congratulations! Yes, this site is wonderful!

 

[Brokenhalo]

((( @Brokenhalo ))):hug:

How AWESOME that you were able to learn what tools...

Yes, indeed!

((( @Brokenhalo ))):hug:

How AWESOME that you were able to learn what tools...

So very true! I wasn't giving up on him. I wanted to... but i'm just as stubborn as he is and we reminisce about the past and we can laugh about it, and still learn from it.

 

[Tinyflame]

I heard yesterday that story about learning to avoid the potholes (after falling in over and over). But a hand lent in to pull one up is very kind, too.

Congratulations to you both @Brokenhalo (I remember your name :) ) , he is very lucky.

 

[Brokenhalo]

I heard yesterday that story about learning to avoid the potholes (after falling in over and over). But...

@Junebug...haha you remember the name... which is my tatoo...the word Angel with a broken halo lol. We've gotten to that place where I can even tell through a text...ok he's having a rough day...tread lightly and manuever around the pothole! It typically works...and when it doesn't... I've learned to give him space and not feed into it and a day or so later... he now laughs ....and says you know me so well...well yeah I pay attention lol!

I'm so proud of him! We talked to a college recruiter last week and he's going on tours of colleges and finding his strengths and interests..he's nervous about retuning to college at 50...but was with me while I obtained my Masters degree 3 years ago and I was 42 at that time. We support each other and after 5 years he still gives me butterflies lol! Thank you so much!!!!