Thankful To Have Failed

[jesse]

Hi Potters Hand,
I really wanted to write to you last night but was still a restricted member until today. I am really encouraged by your ability to open up and tell what happened and how you feel now. I attempted suicide 3 years ago, took 80 xanax and a lot of whiskey. I somehow survived the night and my friends found me the next morning because one of them called and I was slurring into the phone (don't remember this). Anyway I understand how you feel and the shame is really hard to overcome, I still feel really ashamed about it. I never told anyone in my family because mental illness is seen as a sign of weakness and I have been really criticized for it before. So you are very fortunate to have a supportive family. I am so relieved to have found this website because I haven't been able to share this story with many people without feeling judged. I hope you feel the warmth of the caring and understanding people on this website and that it gives you comfort. Hang in there and have faith that you can start to feel better again.
Jesse

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Back sliding tonight. Very tired. Very sad. Tears won't stop. Damn it!

 

[James B.]

I always feel better (somehow cleansed) after a good cry. My vote? Let those tears flow my friend. Your mind/body may be signaling it needs a release.

 

[h2o]

Hang in there ph, hope things get better for you soon and you are able to get some rest.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Not feeling it tonight. Thankful to have failed that is. Just doesn't matter.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes PH it DOES matter, it just doesn't feel like it.
TLC to you,
xoxox

 

[curiouser]

PH, (((hugs))) I'm so sorry you're having a hard time right now.

Did you happen to notice that you wrote your post on the Thursday after everything happened on Sunday/Monday? You remembered that your Mother hugged you while you cried, you remembered that your siblings had caring messages for you in person and over the phone, you remembered that you felt very loved and cared about from your family.

What does all this mean? You have memory of it, and you can recall it anytime you want or need too. All you have to do is close your eyes, breathe, and concentrate on those memories of love and care you received from your family that day. Feel how much they love you, feel how much you love yourself. Today you are breathing and alive because of all of that love.

Re read the posts of everyone on this thread that you touched and inspired by your actions and courage to share. You are an incredible person, and there is most certainly a reason you are still here on this earth.

 

[Tessa]

PH,I cried when I read your story. I am so thankful you are here with us.

Tears cleanse our soul and help to wash away all the pain that is there.

It can be hard when all the appointments stack up and all you want is for someone to hug you and just care.

I am sending you caring thoughts across the world and hope that today the sun shines a little and you feel the warmth of our care.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Rain

The rain is coming down pretty hard outside. I just came in from going for a walk in it. I love the feel of it on my face. The coolness makes me feel alive. I am you know....alive. Still here, still battling. I am learning I can't fight all the battles, some of them are not even mine to fight. Some of them I have to let go of and give over to plain hope and faith that things will get better or heal. Not going there, don't have the energy for things out of my control. Putting them in a drawer and leaving them be for now. I am doing what is best for me right now. And I won't feel guilty for doing so.

Guess I am doin better today. My walk in the rain help me find a place of acceptance in my soul for where I am at. I know better than to think it will last. But I am finding it important to embrace it while it is here. Maybe by doing so I will be able to remember and recall the feeling when things are so dark. I can only try. I am worth it, to keep trying that is.

It is a grey rainy day, but somehow it lightened my darkness to be a part of it. Once again thankful I am here!

 

[Deleted member 6617]

The sun is shining and it is raining (typical Oregon weather). There is a beautiful full rainbow stretched across the sky and I am here to witness the miracle of it all. Thank God!

 

[jesse]

Hi PH how are you doing today? I really liked you describing how the rain felt physically and emotionally. Very moving. Take care.
Jesse

 

[Deleted member 5760]

I did it last night PH,

The rain was pelting down. And I went for a walk just to feel it touching my skin to remind me I'm ~alive~

Good for you :)

(must have looked a bit loony walking around in the rain - but that was exactly why I was out there. I wanted to feel the rain touching me to remind me I am here on earth)