That Look....

[Deleted member 1860]

Oh, you KNOW the one I'm talking about....

It's when people around you are talking about the mentally ill, those with depression, PTSD, anxiety, whatever, and they give each other THAT look. If they knew that you were actually one of THOSE, then you'd never see THAT look. So I suppose I'm lucky in that I look "normal" (whatever that means) and not mental. (Funny, b/c most people with a mental disorder don't have a "mental" look unless they're obviously symptomatic.)

Anyway, while sitting in my sign language class, a few classmates were soooo excited about Sheppard Pratt (A huge mental hospital here in Maryland) opening up a new deaf unit. Of course, they chatted about it, saying it must be so "intense" to work there, and gave each other THAT look. They were talking loud enough to be heard a ways away, and had no idea that I was one of those people whom they were rolling their eyes about when they were giving THAT look. (I hope to GOD they aren't hired...anyone with this little amount of compassion does not need to work in that sort of environment. They need to find a job interpreting elsewhere as I see no bedside manner.)

It just makes me wonder just how much ignorance there is in the world about mental disorders and such. I mean, I encounter enough of it directly that I don't even really want to know what goes on behind my back.

But it isn't all bad...I shop at a local thrift store fairly often and have gotten to know one of the workers. He asked me about my life, if I work, etc, and long/short I ended up telling him I'm on disability for PTSD. (He was being a bit inquisitive, I didn't offer up the info out of the blue! But he's nice, so I didn't feel like he was being too nosy.) He asked me if I was in the service, and I said no, that it's from something else. Rather than get offended, I explained that a lot of people get PTSD from other traumas, but it is well known that a lot of soldiers get it. (At this point I think that much ignorance is caused simply by the fact that people know what the media throws at them. The media perpetuates the myth that PTSD is primarily/only caused by combat, so when I get the opportunity to say otherwise, I think I should take it rather than get offended.) I was glad that he was understanding, and didn't give me THAT look!

 

[Shellbell]

A lot of people don't understand mental health, and it scares them. The fear of the unknown is difficult for most people.

You're right, ignorance, lack of understanding, lack of compassion - all leads people to act and think the wrong way. I have been open about my PTSD and people now avoid me.

I'm glad you had a positive conversation with the guy in the thrift store. And he didn't give you 'that look'.

 

[Britt.f7]

Since I have a disability and have had to see specialists I run into many Drs who have given me that "look" and immediately dismissed my complaint because my chart shows that I have suffered from depression. That is very frustrating. I learned to find different medical professionals who didn't behave that way.

I've suffered from mental illness since I was a child. When I was in my teens my grandfather told me to tell the naysayers or the people that give that "look", the only difference between you and I is that I got help and you didn't. Kept that mantra ever since. :)

 

[discarded]

I do believe there is a lot of stigma out there about mental illness and it is through lack of education on the one hand. On the other side it is very rare that a person with mental illness will be open about it in fear of being judged and so the general 'normal' public don't really get to understand it. A catch 22 really.

My PTSD sufferer has THAT LOOK that he reserves for me if I so much as mention his illness. It penetrates right through me and I know instantly, 'now is a good time to leave the room'.

 

[Britt.f7]

Nobody I know really mentions it in social gatherings. I know that if the subject does come up, I have a tendency to hold my breath and steel myself against any comments. I try to be open about it in order to get it out there and less of the pink elephant in the room. I even started a blog that has some detailing on what I've experienced or am experiencing. In some ways it is cathartic. I try not to worry about what people may think about me. It is definitely a vulnerable experience even in this day and age when everything seems so out there!

 

[KP the nut]

Rather than get offended, I explained that a lot of people get PTSD from other traumas, but it is well known that a lot of soldiers get it. (At this point I think that much ignorance is caused simply by the fact that people know what the media throws at them. The media perpetuates the myth that PTSD is primarily/only caused by combat, so when I get the opportunity to say otherwise, I think I should take it rather than get offended.) I was glad that he was understanding, and didn't give me THAT look!

(((SOL))), good for you. I am in awe of how you opened up and spoke to him.

 

[matthios]

anyone with this little amount of compassion does not need to work in that sort of environment.

And that, unfortunately, pertains to the bulk of people who DO work in mental health wards.

 

[Loner]

To offer a contrarian view, I think you might be surprised how compassionate some of those people can be. In their class, their are relating to fellow students,which includes bonding by sharing opinions. They would also probably be somewhat scared and excited to work in a place like that, and might be mentally preparing themselves. Also, most people are not compassionate until they see suffering right in front. If they were to actually work there they might be a lot more compassionate once they got to know the patients.

OR maybe they're just crappy people, but a lot of the time one or two off remarks aren't enough to judge a person's character.

Also, regarding THAT look. THere are a lot of mentally ill people with far behaviors that are far more challenging to deal with than ptsd patients. I honestly have compassion for my parents, I think its really sad they have to be miserable and hurt others, but I have no desire to deal with them, and if for some reason I had to deal with people who act like they do, I would be giving that look to anyone who could see.