The "f" Word Will Help You Heal!!

[Kailani]

Forgiveness is really healing and it doesn't make it all better though. People still have major issues like flashbacks, sleep disorders... It doesn't cure it all. It is very healing just not entirely. I had a lot of problems from triggers and church people thought that forgiveness was the problem. It wasn't. I could not have been forgiven if I had not forgiven others. There are other things that are occurring; like a car accident; because you forgive the person that caused your wreck doesn't mean you still aren't disabled or have a head injury or broken ribs. Other things still have to heal from the trauma. PTSD is the invisible and poorly understood injury.

 

[Deleted member 34535]

Forgiveness is really healing and it doesn't make it all better though. People still have major issues...

I agree with you 100%. It is just a valuable tool for the toolbox for those who choose to use it. Thank you.

 

[heyheyhey]

I'd say 'understanding' him and why he did what he did or ended up that way and how being a f*cker negatively f*cks up his life, has helped me develop some more peace and allowed me to let go of my anger and pain around it all; I think he was always gonna be that way so hey, ho I can move on. I think understanding is subtly different from forgiveness; it's about seeing how people are made through their experiences and limitations and accepting that part of what they are is the product of circumstances they never chose. I think sometimes forgiveness can be a way of avoiding seeing what is really in front of you and how much it has hurt you; like padding it out with cotton candy...not really working... it's not the same as seeking to understand but respecting how you feel and that you have every right to feel hurt and angry because what they did was very unjust and cruel and selfish (it's like I can say those words with no sting in them, but I respect them as truth - is forgiveness sometimes just pretending you don't truly believe that and that it doesn't really hurt? On the deepest level it always does...we can't separate our pain from it).

I understand him but I can still be angry about the injustices done to me and I can still be angry at him sometimes; it's my right to do that. I think I've tried to forgive in the past and its just me more angry; so I think if it happens, it happens and that can be a good thing but pressurising yourself to forgive is just damaging and upsetting. It can only work if it's an organic process, not forced upon you (or by yourself) - and anger can also be very healthy - it's about self-respect and boundaries and it's also a very natural, real and understandable reaction to what has happened to us. I think that each emotion has its place and is to be respected; I think the key is not getting too caught up in each emotion but respecting them as part of the organic process of moving on. Every one has its right place, use and purpose. We have to be gentle with ourselves; not find another excuse to bash ourselves around.

 

[Shield Flower]

Now that I have your attention, My "F" word has 11 letters. It is the word forgiveness. In my humble...

Well, maybe I can share my experience with you guys abut this F thing, because the trying of F is exactly what deteriorated my PTSD.
Once, my parents, my younger brother, and I were required to have a family counseling. (My dad was one of the responsible person for my PTSD)

I am not sure if the protocol in other countries is the same as in Taiwan, but here, my psychologist (1 VS 1) is only responsible for individual counseling. Family counseling is appointed for others who are experts of group counseling (1 VS the entire family/more than one person).

That time, the counselor said this to me in front of my dad, "If you do not choose to forgive your dad, then there is nothing needing discussion."
Since then, my dad has attempted to "persuade" me of forgiving his- well, he said it was just too-over physical punishment, while I called it abuse.
So, my point is, the one who hurt me is trying to force me to forgive him, but I am the victim!

Afterwards, I have asked many people's suggestion, and this is what I got "You're not God. None of us is. You don't have to forgive EVERYONE who has hurt you, especially when that is damn difficult."

Here I have to clarify that I am not "encouraging" PTSD patients to hate or avenge those, in my words, criminals, who print PTSD memory in our brains, but to say that, maybe forgiveness is not a way to cure the pain. I mean, it helps in some conditions, but PTSD is like a scar which will never disappear, so if we force ourselves to forgive, won't it be like... I don't know, evading the truth that we are hurt?