Relationship The Feeling That Sufferer Doesn't Care About You

[Deleted member 33287]

Have you ever felt that your sufferer doesn't care about you? Also how do you sort through the truths and understand that the trauma/ptsd is the wall between yourself and the sufferer?

 

[Sighs]

Have you ever felt that your sufferer doesn't care about you?

Only every day. Only most of the time. ;) Its hard for a sufferer to show they care when they are in survival mode. Which is every day and most of the time. Its hard to understand but imagine your body being flooded with adrenaline they way it is after a near miss car crash. All the time.

Truth is a tricky concept. My vet loves me. That is true. His PTSD means he is often distant, withdrawn, irritable, sad and sometimes angry almost to the point of violence. That is also true. I think rather than trying to separate out the PTSD from the person you have to focus on your boundaries. If you can accept the person for who they are - including the PTSD - and they are healthy enough to function in a relationship - even if some days its pretty marginal - then you can go on. If not, then its not going to work no matter how much you want it to.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Worlds worst feeling.

 

[StarStruck]

Im a supporter and I dont know if I have a relationship or not.For 5 months this man was my dream.Attentive, loving and even said his mom was my mother

 

[Admur]

Have you ever felt that your sufferer doesn't care about you? Also how do you sort through the trut...

I would have to say the majority of my relationship feels that way. my self esteem would tend to dip sometimes and when my sufferer appears not to care. (that's when you need to focus on you!!) What I have learned recently is, I don't need to hear him compliment everyday to know that he loves me. I need to come clean and admit that in the beginning of my relationship I just thought my sufferer was a brat! I then began to educate myself on PTSD and now understand that's it's so much more complicated!! I used to ask my sufferer do I not make you happy, don't you love me anymore. It used to drive him insane!!
I completely understand now why it drove him mad.. He could hardly keep his shit together never mind making me feel good about myself!!
I used to struggle most with why I was the only one who got treated like shit and everyone else got the good side of him.

My sufferer explained to me that it's easy to put that front on for an hour here and an hour there, when he's around other people.
There are days that I still cry and wonder what I'm doing wrong but what you need to remind yourself is.. You are great and he does love you. You also need to love yourself.
I'm relatively new to this ptsd supporter stuff over the past year so remember we all have bad days!! You aren't alone.

 

[BrokenWoman]

My sufferer just told me the other day that I am the only one who knew he has problems. Nobody else can tell it. He hasn't spoken to me in 24 hours now and no that's not long I'm aware but I couid tell he wasn't himself yesterday morning before communication ceast. I sent him a text today simply saying "I love you and I know it's not me". He'll get back to me when his head is in a better place.

 

[Bambirey]

I too am new to this site and would like to welcome you to the group! I have found this forum to be quite helpful. It's nice to know that we are not alone on our journeys and I have found it quite helpful to read others experiences. I find it interesting that many of our stories are quite similar. To answer your question about if they care or not... To me, ( granted I'm fairly new in my relationship) I have found that the smallest of things show me he truly cares. He may not SAY that he loves me but when he tells me to drive careful, the times he calls me beautiful, or the times he simply looks at me and says Thank You, Shows me that he does care! It's HIS way of saying I care about you! That's how I look at it anyway... We all have different ways to show we care...sometimes we just need to find the way that they show it and respect that. I wish you nothing but the best on your journey!! Keep your head up and KNOW you are not alone!!

 

[BrokenWoman]

Not sure if your talking to me but I'm not new here. I've been coming here since 2012. I just never to rarely comment on anything. I've been with my sufferer 3 1/2 years:) It does feel good in not being alone though and being able to relate to others.

 

[BSSupporterGB]

Yes. I feel like this sometimes. I am new to this forum and also my relationship with my man is only about 9months in. I am learning a lot about myself in the process, my strengths and how deep my love can really go for another human being. What I am working on is talking to my partner about my needs and giving him some ideas on what I need him to do in order for me to know that he cares about me. Then going through them with him and seeing if he is able to do any of those things. Some times it feels like I have to always be in a state of understanding of him when I also need him to understand me and what I am going on. Don't really have much advice as I am working on this myself! I would suggest talking if you are able and when he is in a good place without judgement or expectations. The I feel statements and asking directly are you able to do this. It is important for me to know that you care about me to. Find out what he is capable of giving you and then allow him to do that.