The Hardest Phone Call I've Ever Had To Make

[EvenStrongerNow]

Hi,

I am not sure where I am supposed to post this. I had to make a phone call today and schedule an appointment for in home service to put our girl Sasha to sleep. She is an 11 year old Staffordshire pit bull mix. She has a cancerous and ulcerated tumor and a list of symptoms as well as very bad arthritis. For the past 8 months, we have done several rounds of antibiotics and pain medications.

It needed to be my hubby's decision to do it because he was the only one in denial. He got on the same page after one last vet visit--a 4th opinion.

It was the hardest phone call I have ever had to make. Of course, since animals are one gigantic ball of love, she still wags her tail and smiles at us. I am trying my best to not bury my feelings and keep a balance but I have fought tears for 2 weeks now. I know it is only a matter of time before my cup over fills and I break down. I just feel I need to be strong and spend as much quality time with her as I can.

It is so depressing around our house. It feels like we are just waiting for her to die. It feels very surreal. Growing up, our pets passed and we buried them. A planned experience is much harder in my opinion. It seems the older I get, death gets harder. I just have to keep remembering that she is suffering and this is best for her. And I do not want to remember her in a completely deteriorated state so doing it now is best. She can barely get around but she still wags her tail.

Thanks for listening.

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

I'm so sorry, StrongerNow

 

[StarChild]

Dear Strongernow, if I may, I'd like to write what came to my mind and heart, while reading your sad post...

but I have fought tears for 2 weeks now.

I understand well, why you don't want to cry yet. Please know, that your Sasha girl not only sees you, but feels all of your emotions, good or sad. That's why I'd like to encourage you to allow yourself to cry. To release those tears your heart is sending you in its deep sorrow. For soon there will be the last farewell; The last stroke, the last tail-wagging, the last moment of her looking into your eyes.

I don't think your tears or sadness will harm or agitate her in any way. And I also don't think it would reduce the quality time of you two (or three). On the opposite; She'll feel your deep affection, and maybe wants to lick your tears away?... For all these tears are born because of your love for Sasha. Read, how you named her tenderly:

one gigantic ball of love,

So many times I walked down that road with quite a few of my furry friends. Every time I had to let go one of them, I felt, as if a piece of my heart went along with them. But they are more than worth it. For they give us all their love, and their whole life additionally.

I don't know, how much you can bear, when that fateful moment will arrive. I always took my animals in my arms, or on my lap when they received their last injection. I tried to do everything, to make my furry friend feel as comfortable as possible, in its last moments. I also always thanked my beloved animal, while it was still alive, for being my guest for so many years. And I asked it, to take with it my hearty greetings, for the ones that had to left this earth before. And be assured, I cried. - As I felt a piece of my heart broke in sorrow of my loss. But the mutual love and to know during that moment, I did the right thing for my suffering friend, gave me the strength to go through those very painful moments.

I won't miss one single last farewell I had to give. For living with these precious creatures and the joy that comes with them and fills out our daily life, compensates every tear we have to cry when they have to go.

Strongernow, I hope my words could give you a tiny bit of solace and peace. My heart goes out to the three of you. And if you like, please give Sasha some gentle strokes in my name. I'm thinking of you and my heart and thoughts will be with you.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

(((SweetLullaby))) that was so beautiful! I will stroke her for you.

I remember a couple of years ago, I was so sad one day and I was crying. I can not remember why, but I was laying on the couch with my body turned toward the back of it.

Sasha got up on the couch and forced her way in between me and the couch. She is 95 lbs! I tried to make her go away lol but she barked and pushed until I moved a bit. Then, she wedged her big body in there and laid down, putting her head down and turned her face to mine.

Usually she slobbers all over faces, but she gave me short, gentle and infrequent licks. She stayed there. Normally, she is a very high strung, hyper and fidgety girl, but she just laid there so still. Like a rock. She even put her paw around me like a hug.

She stared into my eyes with so much love and with each sound of my pout, she gave me a short gentle lick and then sniffed the tears on my cheeks. She did not move until I was completely done crying. Then, she sniffed sniffed and nudged my face until it tickled just enough to make me giggle.

I sat up and she was back to her usual self barking until I pet her in the exact spot she wanted.

Awwww....what pure love she gives!

 

[HëllaBubz]

StrongerNow,

3 days after my engagement, my darling 10kg black and white monster of a cat called Sascha had a massive stroke, and I had to put him down within half an hour. My other half kept telling me that he would be ok, but I knew that it was a one way trip for my baby.

I understand how much it hurts, because even when he was struggling for breath, he still cuddled into my hand, and I, after my partner's encouragement to stay, followed tradition of letting my darling pass onto the next world with his head in my hands, as I've done for 3 pets prior.

They know you're there, and they understand that you don't want them to hurt and suffer, and her love for you will be just as strong with that understanding.
I don't deny it hurts, in fact just remembering Sascha's passing on the 23rd of March this year has tears running down my face, but you only ever mourn the things you love, that form part of your core.

xox

 

[Britt.f7]

When my cat, Sharise, was getting older she started losing weight. I knew something was wrong since every diet we put her on, and her exercise regime with the puppy, never got her to lose weight that she needed to lose. It turned out her body was starting to shut down. We put her on medication, but, with each vet visit, she lost weight. Then she started urinating uncontrollably, with no smell. Showing that more of her body was shutting down. I knew that one of these doctor visits was going to be the last. I made the determination, at one such visit, that if she lost more weight, we would put her to sleep. Unfortunately she lost more weight.

Then there was my rescued great dane, Sabrina. She was a sweetheart that had a very rough life. She got sick one day and laid in the kitchen. If I stepped out of the kitchen, she would cry, if I stepped back in she was silent. I looked in her eyes and knew that it wasn't good. Took her to the emergency doc. Found out she had bloat(stomach is twisted) and she was in great pain. He didn't think she would survive the surgery due to her age and her many other health issues. I was all alone, my kids were with their aunt, my husband at work.

I held each of my babies, that is what they were to me. I held them while the drug was administered. Sharise looked up into my eyes and cried out when they gave it to her. This was 15 years ago or so, and I still remember her look. Sabrina rested her head in my lap and looked at me with trusting eyes as I petted her.

It is never an easy thing to do. Breaks your heart. But I agree with showing your emotion. She is going to pick up on it even if you hold it in. This way she gets to be with you. Like you described. Which I think is the sweetest thing and why I love animals so much.

I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm so sorry StrongerNow, this is dreadfully devastating. I echo what the others have said above. No words can express it. :cry:

((((((((((((StrongerNow)))))))

 

[StarChild]

Dear @StrongerNow , I'll go to sleep now. Just wanted you to know, that I thought a lot of you and Sasha girl. Be assured you're in my heart.

Sending you lots of strengthening, comforting hugs, if you can accept them. I lit a candle few minutes ago. So even during my sleep, there will shine a flame of solace, to lighten the, path you and Sasha have to walk down soon.

You're not alone, we'll be there for you.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Thank you so much, everyone.

Tonight, we gave Sasha a luxurious oatmeal bath. We both got in and scrubbed her silly. Then, we turned on the hair dryer--her favorite. She sat down and flipped her head to and fro. Oh the joy on her face tickled me to death.

Then, I put her dog diaper on (the tumor leaks), put a blanket up on the sofa between us. She snuggled up licking us and growling . . . The cute growl she makes when she is happy :(

 

[Britt.f7]

This was a Hallmark card I adapted and sent as a noticed of my dog's passing, I thought you might like it:

They will not go quietly,
the dogs who've shared our lives.
In subtle ways they let us know
their spirit still survives.
Old habits still make us think
we hear a barking at the door.
Or step back when we drop
a tasty morsel on the floor.
Our feet still go around the place
the food dish used to be.
And, sometimes, coming home at night,
we miss them terribly.
And although time may bring new friends
and a new food dish to fill.
That one place in our hearts
belongs to them
and always will.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I am reaching out again. Trying to stay positive is not working. The feelings are so uncomfortable. It is happening in 24 hours. I just can't deal with it. I feel restless, irritable, numb, and sad. I feel like I'm about to explode. What do we do afterwards? Stare at the spot that she will no longer be? WTF???!!!!

I do not want to cry. I do not. :( :( :(

 

[Britt.f7]

I will tell you what my 12 year old son told me after my mom died, just breathe. I tried not to cry, and held it all in, but tears were streaming down my face. It is okay to cry. Enjoy your time with her right now. With both Sharise and Sabrina I didn't have much time to think about it. With Sharise, we did know the time was coming, but we didn't know for sure when. I can't even imagine the pain you must be going through.

You are doing what is best for her. She will suffer no more. I know that doesn't make it all better. I'm sorry for the heartache I know you are feeling. I am here. My hand for you to hold.