The Inner Mouse Shares Cheese

[angel2write]

I've been thinking about the difference between helping people in a healthy way and being used and abused by destructive people.

Thinking about it from the perspective of my "Inner Mouse" is helping me see the difference.

You see, as a mouse, I need to share my cheese.

Cheese is anything good a mouse can have. Cheese might be time, or talent. Cheese might be money I could spare, cookies I could bake, help I could offer, or time spent listening. It is good for mice to share their cheese.

If my parents had too much cheese, they would have kept it all for themselves. They would have sat on top of the giant block of cheese and thought "Woo hoo! Cheese for life! Don't you touch MY cheese!!!"

Some mice don't share well.

I didn't want to be like my parents. I wanted to share my cheese. If I saw someone with no cheese or no ability to get cheese, I thought, poor mouse! I must give him cheese! I thought this would make me a good mouse.

Unfortunately, life with my parents did not teach me to tell the difference between needy but gentle mice and greedy, devouring rats.

I saw this:

and didn't realize that what I was really feeding was this:

People with inner rats aren't satisfied when you share a little of your cheese. They want more and more cheese. They become demanding and persistent. They play on your sympathies, manipulate, or even threaten you to try and control the amount of cheese they are getting. Often they are insecure or unstable and cannot be satisfied no matter how much cheese you give them.

Cheese has become an obsession. No amount is enough.

 

[angel2write]

Sadly, when I ran out of cheese, and the rats demanded more and more, I started feeding them myself. I fed the rats my self-esteem, my self-image, my self-worth, and in some cases my self-control.

Normal, healthy mice won't eat that kind of stuff. My willingness to offer myself as food scared away the good mice. So soon I was left with only rats surrounding me. They used me up and threw me away. They had no real value for me when I had nothing left to feed them.

Now my inner mouse is learning to share only cheese with outsiders. I am learning to save sharing myself for people who love me. People who love me don't want to devour me. They will be careful with me and value the gift of myself.

And when I do share cheese, I am learning to share only the cheese I have to spare. I must not share the cheese that I need for myself, my children or my husband. Stealing cheese from the people I love to feed strange rats, or even deserving mice, is wrong.

My first, best cheese must be saved for my family.

So how can I tell when someone is a deserving mouse or an abusing rat? I am still not very good at it.

But I have learned to tell some signs of someone who might turn out to be a rat:

• Rats never say thank you.
• If you tell a rat that you are out of cheese, they question your decision or insist that you are holding back a little cheese that you really could spare.
• Rats won't take no for an answer.
• and Rats rarely share their own cheese.

There are probably more ways to tell rats from mice, but those are the ones I have learned so far.

My most important lesson so far: cheese is precious! Be careful how you share!

 

[angel2write]

I thought of another one:

• No matter how much cheese you give them, it doesn't seem to make a difference in the rat's life.

You can give and give and give and it never makes them happy or makes them feel better or fixes their problem.

 

[Abrasky]

I'm not a particularly good cheese sharer, but I like your post.

 

[angel2write]

Very cute, Maze!

 

[Loveneverfails]

What a wonderful post! I love this as I too am learning how to build healthy boundaries in my life and to only give the 'cheese' I can afford to give. Clever way of putting it into a new perspective. ((((((Angel!))))))

 

[Froggie]

How wonderfully explained and your pics are great (((((((angel2write))))))), thank you for sharing this bit of wisdom with us :inlove:

 

[Loloma]

I've been thinking about the difference between helping people in a healthy way and being used and abused by destructive people.

People with inner rats aren't satisfied when you share a little of your cheese. They want more and more cheese. They become demanding and persistent. They play on your sympathies, manipulate, or even threaten you to try and control the amount of cheese they are getting. Often they are insecure or unstable and cannot be satisfied no matter how much cheese you give them. Cheese has become an obsession. No amount is enough.

Very well expressed. This analogy reminds me of my ex. He gave a minuscule amount and wanted the "works" in return.

 

[maddog]

Wow, this is a really cool analogy, lots of great imagery, and so so true.

Sadly, I can't really compete with the trendy graphics, but suffice to say this little mouse has some real cheese issues too.

Sometimes I even wonder if I have any cheese, or if the thing I have is actually not even something I think any healthy mouse would want from me...

I'm scared of rats, and sometimes scared that maybe I am the rat afterall.

And sometimes I'm scared when other mice give me cheese, because I feel like it's not mine to take, and that I should give it away quickly to another, more deserving mouse. Sometimes I stress so much about the cheese that other mice give me that it goes off, goes bad, in the time I've taken worrying about it and not eating it.

Guess I'm just realising that I've given too much cheese to bad rats, and not enough to good mice too. And there are lots of good mice, and i even know some of them... sometimes it's just hard to know when and how to give that cheese, and when and how to receive some back, and how to be ok with the whole exchange at all.

Such big issues for a little mouse...

Maddog

 

[Queen Boudica]

Doh! Those pictures of cheese have made me hungry. Now I am just going to have to go and eat some. :eek: Doh!

Hope that doesn't make me a rat :confused:

But very good analogy

 

[angel2write]

I'm scared of rats, and sometimes scared that maybe I am the rat after all.

In my experience, if you're worried you're a rat, you're not a rat. Rats don't worry. They do a lot of other things, but worrying about whether they're hurting other people is usually not one of them.

... sometimes it's just hard to know when and how to give that cheese, and when and how to receive some back, and how to be ok with the whole exchange at all.

Such big issues for a little mouse...

I am right there with you on this one, Maddog.

 

[revelry]

The rats in my life are family... theyv'e abused, abused, and demanded, and controled, and now when I say I have no cheese left, they make me feel guilty and still make me feel like I have to come up with more cheese...

All I have is some processed cheese crap left, that I need for me, and they want that too....

ugh...