• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

Holy crap. Just. Holy. Crap.
Just about the time I think I have a handle on what you have survived you add something like....
My hair caught on fire during labor
WTH???
Then you talk about having to get right up and do whatever needed being done next. No rest, no medical care, just you and the kiddos and the psycho. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around it.

Do you have any idea how amazing you are? Well...on second thought I know you don't --- so let me tell you again...How amazing you are. I am in complete awe that you survived all those horrible things. And even though you suffered more than any person ever should you kept your humanity. You kept that part of you that is loving and caring and kind. And I honestly have no idea how you did it. But I am so very happy you did
 
1529210599234-184659076.jpg
No I don't mind. It's bounced up a little anyway. I went out to dinner last night, with sonny boy....
1529210599234-184659076.jpg
 
Holy crap. Just. Holy. Crap.
Just about the time I think I have a handle on what you have survived you a...
Aawww shucks @Freida :oops: You're too kind.

Yeah, the hair on fire ....putting candles next to your luke warm bath in a freezing bush bathroom, with a bunch of useless people around, just watching you, like you're a zoo animal, when you've been labouring for three days and nights, while doing things like tonnes of washing at a busy side-of-the-highway laundromat, ok, the contractions weren't that strong, they never got strong, I think the baby was too small and I was too exhausted, but yeah, hair on fire coz from leaning into candle while submerged in too cool water, birthing a tiny, sickly, five lb ten baby. I had to tear up cloth nappies (I was too envirogirl to use disposable nappies back then) into little squares, coz he was so small.

I used to wear him, under all my clothes, it was a freezing winter, not too much snow, but it did snow the next day. I went to hospital for a couple of days, luckily I got to get warm for a couple of days. I was terrified and the baby got deathly ill from infections caught in the hospital - staph and bronchitis, because I'm rhesus negative and needed anti-D shot. My mum organized the hospital. I didn't get any shots after him though. No more hospital care. Thank God my blood didn't get infected with antibodies or I would have had more dead babies.

I was 19.
 
Last edited:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:







(Don’t answer this if it isn’t important, but what are those pictures? I can see they’re text but my brain won’t recognize it, I’m sorry. At night I usually have a robot read to me, which means I really should be asleep, but I wanted to stop in and offer hugs so here we are I suppose)
 
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:







(Don’t answer this if it isn’t important, but what are those...
Oh, it's just the back of a weight loss book. @Sietz and I have had a tiny little differing of views when it comes to weight loss and while I respect her views and she's probably right that I shouldn't push my body and mind to get my weight down fast, it can be done. I was putting up the back of a diet book that I've gone on, before and lost a lot of weight, fast, but I kept getting pregnant with babies that died in utero and that sabotaged my weight loss.

The book shows how you can lose an average of 14 kg in 8 weeks but it's supposed to be for sick, obese people with diabetes. I nearly got diabetes after my first miscarriage, which was why I bought the book, I was in the danger zone. I got out of the danger zone and went on the diet again, twice and fell pregnant each time.

I did want a baby, but I'm over that now. I'm going to use the principles and some of the recipes as my body is happy to go low carb and low cal.:)
 
Last edited:
Shame, why do you rule me everyday?
The gain just fuels my sense of I'm-crap.
Being big is something I'm very unhappy about, it's that, I want to shout "No more!" It's not good, for sure.
I want to retrain my body, post-baby and shoddy treatment, to be strong and lean
It's my dream.
I want it so bad! It's like a drug, I know this place, the high of hunger, of not having, of keeping it low cal, it makes me a higher val gal. I don't want the trap though, of mood swings and brain decline, of chosen starvation, and subsequent retardation, it's degradation and renunciation of being well, the opposite of healing, it's hurting myself and I've been there, a lot. It's part of my story, a gory part, that's kept me trapped, not fat but far from free, and being the me I crave to be. I need balance, not hanging in the balance of hardly-living, barely giving myself enough to go on. It's horrible and harmful. I need to be strong, but not too strong I can barely go on, from lack and stoic application of will. I'll try to be moderate, kind and measured. Treasure myself and treat myself now and again, but not too much. Not stuffing, just enough. Be still and breath too, Thank you for caring! :)
 
Last edited:
I rested today after the big night out. Son and I had a great time. :laugh:The band are locals who moved to Melbourne; a mostly siblings band. I want to uni with their Ma. We love, love, love them! I'll have to put up links sometime. They exemplify much of what is great about the North East coast. We both danced. I went overboard, as usual, but, I'm so good at getting the crowd going!
I was so stuffed today though.
Better now:joyful:
I want to get back to that kind of work. It's very fun. I'm good at it too. One day.:rolleyes:
 
Back
Top