The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

[Swift]

Much, much, much love mums.
I'm glad you had a better day.

 

[mumstheword]

Much, much, much love mums.
I'm glad you had a better day.

Thank you, lovely Swift :-) I treasure your presence. So grateful to you! You've helped, immeasurably. :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[mumstheword]

So I was just reading Anthony's article about guilt and shame, things we, so often, struggle, immensely, with. I noticed he states that complex ptsd isn't an "actual diagnosis." So, (well, I've been meaning to anyway) I thought I'd share what my inpatient psychiatrist has diagnosed me with ...here goes, and I quote, "Developmental and Adult Trauma, complex and persistent PTSD".. So yeah, that "actual diagnosis" is my actual diagnosis. So it is a thing.
The argument can be put to rest, people are being diagnosed this by psychiatrists.
Sorry, my tone is off, I.love you Anthony, and all you do and have done for us, you've changed my.life for the better, but it does piss me off when.these important distinctions are brushed aside because "the great irrefutable bible the DSM manual 5", or whatever, hasn't yet dictated to everyone the distinction. My, extremely experienced, qualified and trauma specialist-psychiatrist, who works in the most highly acclaimed and attended Trauma&Dissociation unit in the southern.hemisphere, is not wrong.

 

[Freida]

My VA therapist has called it complex ptsd from early on. I guess the VA is using that regardless of what the dsm says -- and since it is such a huge organization I expect to see it influencing the change in the near future.

 

[mumstheword]

I switched into being so-little mode. But I'm still big-me too.
I'm funny-weird.
I felt it happening, now I'm little in big-me's body.
I'm sore and tired and all kinds of too-much.
I made beans but I'm not really all.here. I'm big-little.
It's a bit poo:wtf::poop::alien::sick::hungry:

 

[ladee]

Sounds like some healthy integration going on. You've' worked hard Mums, about time you are really starting to see and feel some great payoffs...Knowing that 'little' is there all the time, makes life very interesting. :hug::hug:

 

[Swift]

That's my diagnosis too! Woo for us.
But. ... If I might explain the medspeak here , a diagnosis is a box. Like a box, it has four walls and definite boundaries. Certain things are inside the box, certain things are outside the box - the key is, a diagnosis is a clear way of telling doctors what box of things you're bringing and what to expect. Complex trauma is complex, and resists classification because people present differently and suffer different symptoms. "not a diagnosis" in this sense means no two people, or even a large enough group of people, suffer complex trauma in the same way - basically the medical professions way of saying "if this is what's written on your chart, we can't make the same set of assumptions that we could if it just said PTSD"....
Diagnosis is a simplifying tactic for doctors, basically. Complex trauma is recognised as an Actual Thing, though. For example I couldn't diagnose someone with bad chalets or a flying pink elephant causing shit because those things don't medically exist... But I can write Complex PTSD on a chart and expect other physicians to understand my meaning. Or I could, if I was an actual doctor and not just spawn.

 

[mumstheword]

So sad. So grieving. Primal abandonment grief. So much abandonment. So much grief. So painful.
I took 60ml of valium and only got two hours of sleep.
I'm a mess.
I need hugs.
So so sad and scared right now.

 

[somerandomguy]

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
All the hugs in the world to you, Mums. We love you!

 

[Juso]

Oh no dear mums, I am so sorry! Sending you many warm and comforting hugs :hug:I am here with you, singing you a sweet song and holding your hand. I know how horrible this abandonment grief is. It can feel like physical pain. Its seems to rip you apart until theres nothing left. So be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with that part of you that feels so lonely and tell her we're here with her. Its going to be alright, I promise. Just hold on my love.

 

[ladee]

This part hurts too much to put words on Mums. Just know none of us will abandon you.

:hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[Freida]

So sad. So grieving. Primal abandonment grief. So much abandonment. So much grief. So painful.

oh this breaks my heart.....:(:(
All the hugs in the world for you -- to hold you until you are ready to begin again...:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: