The Miracle Question

[Justmehere]

My therapist told me she wanted me to try a solution focused therapeutic technique called "the miracle question." She asked me, “Let’s say we could have a miracle happen, and you felt fully safe and able to let go in therapy with me and everything turned out ok? What would that be like for you?”

She then asked a more generalized and common version of the miracle question.

“Let's just pretend a miracle happened, and the trauma had never happened. What would your life look like if trauma had never happened and you had never had PTSD?”

I told her that was an upsetting question. She asked me to journal this week about what my answer would be to both questions anyhow. What would it be like? What would it feel like? How would things be different? She said I could give a complete fantasy answer.

I looked up the miracle question technique, and I understand where she is going with this a little better. It can be used to help a therapist better understand a client, help a client get unstuck, help to think about a positive future and better plan how to get there, even if we have to do it through “waiving a magical wand” kind of fantasy. (Which honestly seemed really stupid to me at first.) There are a lot of ways this “miracle question” technique can be used.

It seems strange. I’m giving it a try anyhow.

“What would your life look like if trauma had never happened and you had never had PTSD?”

- I managed to write my answer to this question. I’m fighting back tears. I described my fantasy house, with a porch, overlooking a few acres… I wrote out what my fantasy job and family would be like. What could have happened if trauma and PTSD had not thrown my life off track from the day I was born. What I wrote out was not idyllic, but realistic account of what a life without PTSD might be like… and it all seems impossible. It seems almost cruel to ask me to write this out. At the same time, I get why she is asking. I struggle to think of a positive future, and when I was writing out what my answer would be, it started to shift something for me.

I'm not sure what to make of all of this.

What would be your response to someone if they asked you the “miracle question”? Would you answer it? What would your answer be?

Three articles on the miracle question:
Link Removed
http://www.unk.com/blog/miracle-question-examples/
http://mentalhealth.about.com/od/psychotherapy/fl/How-the-Miracle-Question-can-Get-You-A-Miracle.htm

 

[ladee]

Going to read the links... then give this some thought... interesting !!

 

[Nevermore]

Oh I don't think I'd like that question either. I struggled enough with the "if only"s
I think my miracle would be if I could fully embrace love and accept myself and my life right now! If I could appreciate what this journey into darkness has taught me and use it in a positive way.
I wish I could fully grasp the fact that life is full of suffering for everyone and feel myself as just part of the community.
i would also say that's what I really want from you therapist, to help me with this! And not lead me to compare the life I have with the one I could have had "if only". That is not helpful!!!
It's like being in Ireland asking for directions and the locals kept saying "oh but I wouldn't be going there from here. You should be starting from.. X(somewhere else)" (apologies to the Irish but this did happen!!
I want to know how to get there from here! Not my perfdct life- my real life!

 

[Tinyflame]

“Let's just pretend a miracle happened, and the trauma had never happened. What would your life look like if trauma had never happened and you had never had PTSD?”

Wow, weird @Justmehere . I know nothing of such a thing, or such a method. I haven't looked at the links yet (I'm too sleepy- :tup: !! , that's a miracle in-and-of-itself :) ), but I've been asking this of myself for a day or two, just by myself. :wideeyed: (Simply because of suicidal ideation. I was thinking I do have such trouble with a positive self concept, came to put that in the "I realize that I.. " thread, lol).

I struggle to think of a positive future, and when I was writing out what my answer would be, it started to shift something for me... I'm not sure what to make of all of this.

Me too. I can see it potentially helping provide a venue for appropriate self-empathy too. That momentary empathy (from something I read in one book) 25+ years go, made me cry & was the last I self-harmed.

Oddly, I actually feel quite a bit of peace from it.. :confused: :)

I am so very happy for you @Justmehere . :hug: :tup:

 

[Tinyflame]

PS, Thank you. :hug: :)

 

[Tinyflame]

I think, for me, it's less about what my life would be like, nothing bothersome about specifics, but rather how I would feel about myself, others, my daily capabilities, & that in turn would affect how I would feel about my life in a huge way overall. I think the feelings of joy, hope, optimism, happiness without fear, lack of dread, lack of knowledge of some evils ( <-- don't know the words for the last part), that would be so freeing. :) .I can't imagine it so realistically, but it feels nice. It's a 'miracle' after all, might as well pull the stops out. :) .. I think it does 'un-stick' something (?)

 

[Justmehere]

Oh I don't think I'd like that question either. I struggled enough with the "if only"s

The "if only"s have haunted me... It's been a hard question for me too.

I think my miracle would be if I could fully embrace love and accept myself and my life right now! If I could appreciate what this journey into darkness has taught me and use it in a positive way. I want to know how to get there from here! Not my perfdct life- my real life!

This is so good!

I can see it potentially helping provide a venue for appropriate self-empathy too.

I can see how it can bring on self empathy, and compassion, and kindness towards our own hearts.

Oddly, I actually feel quite a bit of peace from it.. :confused: :)

Me too. (Isn't it strange?)

I can't imagine it so realistically, but it feels nice. It's a 'miracle' after all, might as well pull the stops out. :) .. I think it does 'un-stick' something (?)

Yeah, it is loosening up something for me too. Maybe it's only for right now, but it is nice... :)

 

[void]

My therapist told me she wanted me to try a solution focused therapeutic technique called "the miracl...

Fantastic Thread!!! :tup::tup::tup::tup:

What a great form of self-examination!:geek:

I intend to probe my mind with this, because of you!:happy:

Many thanks!
:hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

It sounds like an interesting therapeutic approach. I think it would be best for those who are at a certain point in their healing that is beyond the initial stages due to possibly destabilizing one who is devastated by the loss that trauma has dealt. That is, to remind someone of all they have lost in life through this exercise may be too much for certain people to handle until they've progressed a bit further in their healing journey. But, in all, it sounds like it could help one look toward the future.

If a therapist, right here and right now asked me the miracle question, I probably wouldn't answer it. I've already come to terms with much of my loss and I'm working through the largest parts right now. I feel that in all, I have worked/am working through my setbacks, and my goals in life aren't all that different than someone without PTSD. I know what I don't have, and I don't feel that hypothesizing what my life would be like sans PTSD would be all that helpful right now.

But, asked on another day, at another time? Well, I might be more open to the exercise.

 

[Neverthesame]

I told her that was an upsetting question.

As did I when my first therapist asked me this same question.

Which honestly seemed really stupid to me at first.

This is what I told him after asking. Lol

I struggled enough with the "if only"s
I think my miracle would be if I could fully embrace love and accept myself and my life right now

This is the thought I had.

Though I know that can't be why they ask. Maybe it's relative to where you are in recovery?

I can see why someone would find this helpful. Also why it would be able to send someone reeling into the "what ifs."

I would think it vital to focus on the the finished product, not how or why it got there. (I say that like it's easy.)

I can see it potentially helping provide a venue for appropriate self-empathy too.

If you can use it as a way to remind yourself of the talents and skills that you do in fact possess under the ptsd, it could be a lovely ego boost. After all, we aren't our traumas, right?

I'm going to have to give this a bit more thought, but I am tempted to try this again.

 

[Friday]

What would be your response to someone if they asked you the “miracle question”?

To lash the f*ck out at them. Been there, done that. Asked the Q. My answer?

:shifty: Longer.

Did I mean it? Nope. I was pissed as hell & wanted to get their attention. I then proceeded to chew them out, really ripped them up one side and down the other, and left. I was about furious.

 

[Rumors]

I think it is a great question and leads me to then think, what do I want out of life? Forget what happened, forget what my parents did or didn't do, but what do I want? Realistically I realize there are things I could have done had I known differently that I am just too old to do now. For instance, I will never be an astronaut. No big. However, as it pertains to personal things like happiness, peace, self respect, judgement, etc. perhaps this prophecy is attainable and not something "what if." What if we all started looking at the prospect of having those things (realistic things) as "when" instead of "what if?" Wouldn't it change the challenge into a goal instead of an empty prophecy that leaves us loathing ourselves if we don't succeed?? Goals can take years to fulfill. However, if you lump these things into a big sum they seem like they will never find an answer. If you break them out individually and look at them for what they are, the task seems attainable.
Interesting task. I hope you find some goals that seem ok for you to work on!!!! Best of luck!!!